When I think about it, it’s kind of ridiculous that I am announcing my arrival to the world of blogging with such pomp and ceremony when in not-so-many months, I am going to push out a new person from my loins whose arrival will be roughly one hundred times more monumental. So far, one of the first impressions that I’ve gotten from being pregnant is that although it’s a pretty normal thing that nearly everyone has an experience with – whether they’ve given birth themselves, known someone who’s had a baby, or just been born themselves – it’s nonetheless bizarre, unearthly, and miraculous. Your body is taken over by something else, something (which, in my case) I doubted would ever actually come. I wasn’t afraid that I wouldn’t conceive because I had any health risks that would pose a risk to me and my husband conceiving, but because the odds of conception as detailed in most pregnancy books are so insanely delicate and infinitely subject to factors no layperson could comprehend. Conception is nebulous, shrouded in mystery. When my husband and I decided it was finally time to try to get pregnant, I looked to books for real advice that would not fail me, and I soon realized I wan’t going to find any comfort in doing all that they prescribed to up our chances of conception because you simply don’t have comfort until the test comes back positive. And then you have a whole new set of tensions, both mental and physical, to deal with.
But against all odds – which may or may not have been there in the first place – I am now expecting. I had planned on making this blog months before I got pregnant. As I’ll turn 30 on my next birthday but certainly don’t feel as though I am equipped with all the skills and knowledge “necessary” to press on into adulthood with the vigor of a Power Woman, my original project was going to be learning to do all the things that I felt I should be proficient in at that point in time. For instance, I never learned to properly keyboard nor do I have a solid understanding of the American insurance system. Both are things that one might argue are not necessary for the daily living of a fulfilling life, but hey, I want to know because it really would make my life easier. So the original idea was for me to learn all those things I should have learned up to this point and then chronicle the humbling experience.
But now it just seems like pregnancy trumps all that. I mean, I’ve got this little guy or girl in me. IN me. I know I asked for it, but my body has been hijacked. And it’s hard to get up in the morning and want to run the typing wizard when you’re experiencing low-grade pregnancy misery, expecting at any moment that you might start heaving. So for the next few weeks, I’ll just be lying low contemplating my undeniable blessing and my new understanding of why what I’m going through right now really is such a big deal.