Bullets In My Head

My energy level hit an all-time low today. And by “energy” level I also mean “motivation to do anything other than eat pudding out of old Cool-Whip containers, watch PBS, and feel sorry for myself” level. Ergo, rather than compile any cohesive thoughts, I just thought I’d hit you up bullet-point style with some random thoughts from my 37 week pregnant mind.

  • This winter has been a complete flop. Seriously, don’t think it didn’t cross my mind a few times when I found out in July that I was pregnant that I would be suffering the most sweat-inducing months of my pregnancy in frosty winter style. It is going to be 85 degrees tomorrow and I am irate. Mega. I’m not going to buy any more maternity clothes this late in the game, which means I am relegated to wearing my husband’s pajamas as real clothes when I leave the house tomorrow. This saddens me more than I can properly express. And thus I return to my Cool-Whip containers of pudding.
  •  I think I could become a professional Scrabble player if I really put my mind to it. Actually probably not but it’s a nice thought. I like doing crossword puzzles, so I packed a NY Times book to take to the hospital. I think I am also deluding myself in thinking that I’ll be doing puzzles when I’m in labor. More likely I’ll just want to be stabbing myself. The book I selected for the hospital bag is spiral bound and maybe I subconsciously chose this book for the very reason that I can somehow wield the wire into a torturous device for either myself or others in the room.
  •  I’m sad to say that hating on Pinterest seems to be coming to a close. I like to think that I was among the first wave of backlash on this popular site, even though people were likely already crapping all over it before I even knew it existed. Don’t get me wrong; I still dislike it,   but being a sad hipster sympathizer (do I even need to qualify that as “sad?” Probs not.), I also feel that since so many people have now gone on the record as saying that they dislike it too, I have to find something more obscure to dislike. I would ask for suggestions but then on what basis could I get uppity?

Pin this, sucka.

  • This may come as no surprise, but I generally don’t like being pregnant anymore. It’s generally miserable. Actually it is acutely miserable, but having so little time left in this situation I’d rather not dwell on it too much. Feel free to invite me to, though, in the comments section. I’ll take any opportunity afforded me to be indulged.
  • I kept a file on every class I took all the way through college and graduate school. They include notes, papers, tests, and pretty much every shred of paper pertaining to every class I took. They are now all kept on a shelf above our washing machine. There is something mildly poetic and melancholy about that, although as of yet I can’t quite pinpoint what it is. Or maybe I’m just reading “mildly poetic and melancholy” when it’s actually just an example of me as a burgeoning hoarder. These two things are really quite similar so it’s kind of difficult to separate them.

Until next time, keep it real, yo.

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18 comments

  1. Look at it this way, the longer you stay pregnant, the longer you don’t have to deal with running a mommy blog.

    1. lol, rob, she’s running an almost-mommy blog! :)

    2. Yes, there is always a silver lining. Even if it makes me pee 25 times a day and inhibits my breathing.

  2. I love the idea of poetic, melancholy hoarders. That explains so much. I am also struck by how quickly you went from forgetting that you were pregnant to be sick and tired of being pregnant. I did not want to buy more maternity clothes at the end, but was forced to. I was huge, too large for my husband’s pajamas and they wouldn’t have made a very good impression at a business meeting anyway.

    Great post. I’m gonna go eat some pudding!

    1. I was just thinking the same thing; I think I jinxed myself by posting about forgetting about pregnancy on Monday. Serves me right.

      I’d also like to propose a pudding toast to Blagojevich’s impending address change tomorrow. *Clink!* :D

  3. ok, ems, this post is so great. first off, we all have these mild hoarder tendencies, it’s when a film crew shows up that you really need to tone it down. for example, i was keeping coffee cans for a while – COFFEE CANS! – because i thought i could make something out of them like some sadistic combination of nate berkus and martha stewart. it never happened and eventually, i threw them out. you eventually will part with those notebooks, but give yourself time. next thought – i hate pinterest too. HATE. IT. – though lord knows if it gets me more views, i’ll go on it. last thought – i once hooked up with a nat’l scrabble champion AND he was wearing boxer shorts WITH SCRABBLE PIECES ON THEM. i’m not making this up. okay, that’s all for now, i thorougly enjoyed this. THANK YOU.

    1. Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up. And I’ve seen Word Wars so I can completely picture one of those guys wearing Scrabble boxers. If you haven’t already, I would heartily enjoy reading a post on your run-in with Mr. Scrabble Man. If he was anything like the former “Millionaire” contestant I once waited on when I was a server, he is rife for comedy.

      Also, you just inspired me to focus my hate on Nate Berkus. I’ve had a mild annoyance with him in the past, but I think I’m ready to take it to the next level. So thanks! At least I solved one problem today.

      Thanks for your kind words :D

  4. At least you still have your sense of humor? haha Seriously, though, this post made me laugh, and I can totally relate. I self-medicated with French fries. Pudding from Cool Whip containers sounds better.

    1. This weekend Burger King is giving away free fries with green ketchup! This is possibly just a way to get rid of all the green ketchup in the world, but I’ll take it.

  5. Pudding out of cool whip containers. Sounds serious.

    If you’re in the market for a new something to despise, I don’t think anyone is hating on Instagram yet.

    1. I am in the beta stages of hating on Instagram. I haven’t yet been able to formulate a solid argument against it, but you can be sure I’m working on it and will share it once I iron it out.

  6. 1.) Wear a bikini and go to the nearest beach. Take a picture of the view of your full tummy facing the waves. You are beautiful…there is no time like this time! And go for a swim – it is bliss to be weightless at this stage.
    2.) Save the spiral – you will need it to fend off intrusive others in the hospital room, as you anticipated, you wise woman! Nothing like the hospital misplacing your birth plan and missing the boat when you ask for no bystanders outside the door listening to your labor. And your sister-in-law tittering in the background. Yes, pack the spiral.
    3.) Pinterest who? Whazzat?
    4.) This is the last mile of the marathon. Eat all the pudding you need to finish the race. And thank your lucky stars it’s not hurricane season and your doc is preparing you for the possibility of giving birth in the hospital basement “if the storm turns our way.”
    5,) Don’t go on a cleaning spree in your postpartum state, like I did. The only thing the licensure board needed was my syllabi to verify my coursework…and guess who dumped ‘em all in a fit of postpartum nesting? Hoarding of certain things is a good thing.
    6.) Love this post!

    1. 1. Done and done :)
      2. When we went on the hospital tour, all the L&D nurses kept saying that one of the many services they are happy to provide is throwing unwanted intruders out. Guess they feel as though they need to make up for the fact that the hospital provides very few other amenities.
      3. Correct answer!
      4. Amen to that! Although I am delivering at a hospital called Cape Fear and that kind of makes me nervous in and of itself.
      5. Too late. I threw out my back last week because of said spree.
      5. As always, thanks!

  7. Ugh, feel free to complain to me ANY TIME about being pregnant. I detested it, the whole time.I know it is an awful thing to admit to, that I did not find it ‘beautiful’, or ‘special’. I found it uncomfortable, annoying, and sad a lot of the time. Actually, the moment I began feeling better was the moment labor began. My own mother looked me in the eye after a full blown non-medicated ball-grabbing contraction and said ‘you are so much more pleasant now than you have been for the last 9 months.’ It is ALMOST OVER!!!! Hang in there, lady. Seriously, any time you feel like feeling sorry for yourself, you have an open invitation.

    1. Hahahaha that is too funny. I mean, relatively. Glad I’m not the only one. The waiting…it’s the hardest part.

  8. Wow. I only have one thing to contribute:
    You can dwell on a happy feeling that you didn’t survive a Coulda’-Been-On-the-Jerry-Springer-Show pregnancy involving, but not limited to: a) a husband who had an affair in the 3rd month, got her pregnant too, and chose to leave wife to run away to Hollywood to be with girlfriend b) no, there were no signs that anything remotely like this could ever, ever, ever happen, esp. by the choice of the seemingly-great guy you’d married 18 months before c) you don’t have the luxury of obsessive pudding eating or thinking about how relieved you’ll be to not be pregnant anymore, because the PTSD has already kicked in and it’s all you can do to get through the day. Every day. d) 21 hour labor, hard labor, caused by dehydration because you can’t stop crying. what’s that? e) “It could always be worse,” for once, isn’t true. e.1) rock bottom has a false bottom.
    So, I hope that cheers you up. The good news? I have an amazing 14-yr-old girl who is the light of my life and I couldn’t be happier. Now. It (she) was worth it, and I hope so for you too.

  9. Home stretch, wheee!
    I had nothing to do with any of that labor stuff (unimaginable, and luckily they didn’t invite me to the hospital) BUT according to my mum, the best part of labor is the laughing gas, and I wouldn’t have minded some of that.

  10. I love that title!

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