Not the Hardest Part

So. Two weeks into motherhood. And where oh where to begin? The first thing that pops into my head is, thank goodness for blogging. Even if I’m personally not doing too much of it these days, I sure as heck am glad all y’all are. You see, Miss C and I are breastfeeding on demand which at this point means we are nursing at least every two hours, and these sessions can often go on for an hour. So whilst the babe is eating, I am reading and commenting and trying to keep a hold on reality and grown-up land. Although my grasp on this world of adults is tenuous, it’s certainly alive and well. You wouldn’t know it from my Tweets, though. I am slowly becoming one of those people who can only send notifications about my lack of sleep and┬ámy child.

And what a child! She has a voice, and she exercises it at full-volume. It is quite amazing that such a small person can make such a big sound. And she can sustain it. But where her cries would send me into an incredibly intense hormone-induced tizzy during her first week at home, B and I are getting used to them now and can make light of her “er-AAA” intonations. I might even call them cute now, although the cuteness is relative to the time of day in which they occur. 10 AM? Cute. 3AM? Not so much.

These last two weeks have been bittersweet. It’s hard to be a new parent. Wonderful and hard. You think you can’t handle more stress and exhaustion, and then the next day it just piles on thicker. But with that day also comes the promise of a gassy smile. My stress is fleshing itself out in odd ways. I have been unable to relax my mouth and tongue for about a week, so I’m speaking with a lisp. It’s so weird.

Also, at the end of pregnancy, you think you know this thing called Sleepiness. Haha, you don’t.

Not even remotely.

The waiting? It’s not the hardest part. The joke’s on me.

But you survive because your baby is perfect and you realize that this is your life now. At least that’s what I have to realize anew every day. It takes a lot of prayer and meditation for me to remember that it’s not about me anymore. It’s about HER. This is my mantra. It’s all I have in those lonely wee small hours of the morning when my girl is crying, uninterested in nursing, being burped, or resting, and when being a mother isn’t coming naturally for me.

Hello!

Prayer and that face. Oh, that face!

Miss C, you’re the apple of my eye!

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52 comments

  1. Ok that baby is ridiculously cute. That amt of cuteness should be illegal. Must go, its making me explode. Lol.

    1. LOL she is pretty adorable! Hope you didn’t explode too much :)

  2. How freaking precious!! And “gassy smile” was a perfect description. (thanks for the follow, btw)

    1. Yeah, I’ll take those gassy smiles! They make me melt.

  3. She is beautiful :) Hope you manage to get some proper sleep soon!

    Daisy

    1. If not sleep, then excellent coffee. Got that covered!

      Thanks. I can’t believe I helped to create someone so beautiful :)

  4. I think the hardest part of having a newborn (or kids in general) is that you can no longer sleep when you’re tired. Nope. Gotta wait until it’s convenient for the baby! I remember thinking, “my time is no longer my own… ooooooooo” But don’t worry, you get used to it. Then it seems strange when they are older and you can just do what you want because you don’t even have to call a babysitter anymore. Glad you have a mantra!

    1. Boy, does that sound right! I am very lucky, though, to have the luxury of bending to her schedule. I have a newfound respect and utter appreciation for working moms (as well as my own mom!)

  5. Absolutely gorgeous. No, the waiting is not the hardest part. Early childhood is not the hardest either. I won’t spoil the surprise by telling you what is ;). Just enjoy every moment.

    1. Thank you! I am looking forward to every twist and turn of her childhood, no matter how difficult they may be.

  6. Oh, indeed, what a face. I’m remembering the first couple of weeks. If you haven’t yet, you’ll fall absolutely head over heels in love. I remember the day I realized I didn’t just love my son, but was in “can’t get enough of you” love with him.

    1. It’s certainly a beautiful feeling, knowing that you never will again love someone as much as that little person.

  7. So freaking cute!!

    1. Thank you! So far I think she takes after my husband, with her cute little snub nose.

  8. Oh, that face is right !! I miss you guys ~~~

    1. Miss you so much too! you know you always have an open invitation :)

  9. It gets better. It really, really does.

    1. Thanks or saying that :) I need reminders every so often.

  10. Motherhood is amazing. It’s the single most amazing thing you will ever do. It’s immensely difficult, but it’s absolutely rewarding. I hate saying enjoy every moment, because you won’t – but make sure to cherish the moments. Take a few minutes while nursing to just sit and look at your daughter. Enjoy the rocking and snuggling. They’re not little forever. And document. Document everything – pictures, a journal, your blog. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to forget anything. Enjoy. :)

    1. I’ve always felt that the instant a child comes into the picture, time becomes unhinged and goes by a whole new set of rules. It seemed this way during pregnancy and really seems this way now. I was just looking at another blogpost by a lady I follow whose son turned one today. She had side by side comparison photos of him on the day he was born and the way he is now. It’s really amazing how fast they grow. I’m treasuring each day with my infant because of that.

  11. Motherhood is amazing. It’s the single most amazing thing you will ever do. It’s immensely difficult, but it’s absolutely rewarding. I hate saying enjoy every moment, because you won’t – but make sure to cherish the moments. Take a few minutes while nursing to just sit and look at your daughter. Enjoy the rocking and snuggling. They’re not little forever. And document. Document everything. photos, journal, blog. You’ll want to remember it all someday.

  12. She is beautiful! I recently watched a TEDTalks about the taboos of parenting by a couple by the names of Rufus Griscom and Alisa Volkman. It was really interesting and funny, and (this may sound creepy) I thought of you while I watched it, given your new mommyhood and all :)

    1. Thanks for tipping me off to that one! Just got done watching it and its so nice to hear someone else say some the “taboo” things I’ve been thinking. New parenthood is proving to be a bit conflicting at times, so it’s good that there are resources such as this one that help me put what I’m feeling in context. :)

      1. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like! Through sharing your experiences, I’m sure your blog is a resource for others too. All the best :)

  13. krugthethinker · · Reply

    She is precious, and I love you both so much:) I am glad you are hanging in there and adjusting and that you have such an awesome support system. Wish I could be there for all the gassy smiles, and I hope I will be before too long!

    1. There will be so many gassy smiles from both me and C when you do get here! Love you so much!

  14. Once again your post was not in my feed. What the heck. I can’t believe she is two weeks old already. Enjoy her itty bitty ness, they grow so fast.

    1. WordPress has been so weird lately. It wasn’t it my feed either (yes, I subscribe to my own blog.) And I was randomly unsubscribed from another blog I follow. Hmmm.

      I can’t believe it’s been two weeks already, either. She’s going to be going to be a kindy before we know it.

  15. Miss C. is SO adorable! And you look simply maaaahvelous. Those tiny little footies are one of my favorite things about babyhood…

    1. Her feet and hands astound me too. I cannot fathom something so small and perfect. Her ears are pretty fantastic too. She’s so small, she can wear babydoll clothes.

  16. She is just too cute for words! I love the gassy smiles too. Max gets those right after he finishes eating. Yes, this is all uncharted territory for us new moms and I am with you on the pendulum effect it can have. One moment I am loving being a mom and then just a couple of hours later I am exhausted and cannot console him and I am thinking “wtf have I done!!”. The reminder that they won’t be like this forever though is helpful and of course knowing that before we can believe it we will be looking back at these days and missing them.

    1. Haha I have had that exact same thought a few times too, usually around 4AM when she just wants to play but I want to sleep. I am slowly learning to savor these early days, though. Like you said, they’ll be over, like, tomorrow.

  17. Very cute indeed! But that’s to be expected considering she was born on March 31st. Anyway, you do realize that you now run a Mommy blog, right?

    1. LOL you March 31sters are an appealing bunch ;)

      Mommy blog….sheesh, I know. I’m too tired to care, though. Hopefully I’ll be back to occasional nonsense soon, tho.

  18. Mary Beth Wiggins · · Reply

    Hello to you darling, and to your darling husband and to MY new….. what do I get to call Miss C? Since you are my other daughter? Will wait for instructions on that. I was checking something on one of your previous blogs and found to my delight and surprise that you are back blogging! I will wait until I see you in person to regale you with my birth stories. We think we know what love is until we have a child. And there are just no words for what it is like. Welocome to Motherhood!

    1. Hello other mommy! Hmmmm, given that the jury is still out on what Miss C is going to call my mom (we just stuck with “grandma” when she visited this weekend) I dunno what she can call you. Perhaps we should wait and let her name you herself :) I want to hear ALL your birth stories; you certainly did something right! Love you and can’t wait for you to meet our little friend!

  19. Mary Beth Wiggins · · Reply

    Oh no! I meant welcome!

  20. Congrats! She is beautiful! My daughter is 3 months old and I am just starting to feel like things are getting easier. I remember a few nights in the beginning when both she and I were crying — me from hormones and sleep deprivation. The beginning is amazing, but also a haze and very tough at times. It will get easier and more and more fun every day!

    1. We definitely had quite a few instances of tandem crying, namely at 4 AM when she was crying and my husband said “you should nurse her” and I was like, “I’ve been nursing her for the past three hours straight!!!” Things are indeed getting easier, though. It’s truly amazing what a difference a day makes with babies. Congrats on yours too!

      Glad you found my blog because now I’ve found yours and am looking forward to following!

      1. Yes, that sounds familiar! I’m glad too! :)

  21. You have yerself a very pretty baby. Congratulations and now the fun part starts! Enjoy and take lots of video!

    1. Thank you so much! She takes after her dad :)

      I think I got like 20 minutes of video today of her having the hiccups. It’s the little things!

  22. She is so pretty! (honestly, plenty of newborns are not pretty. It is true, yours is, for sure, adorable). The start is so hard. It is next to impossible. And then your brain will do this weird thing, and in a year, you will look back on this time and think ‘I miss that time I had with her alone at night. Our special time together’. Its sick and it is true, it will happen! I personally think it is because your body can remember real, good sleep now…..and in a year, it won’t. You will have hardened yourself to sleepiness. There is no way in hell I could have maintained a blog when I was in my first weeks of motherhood. You already have a big leg up on me! Keep it up because I can’t wait to read more!

    1. Awww, thanks! We obviously think she’s gorgeous but it’s always nice to hear from someone who’s not related to us that she’s as cute as we suspected. I also suspected that these hard times will be remembered fondly. She’s just so cuddly that even since I originally wrote this post, things have gotten so much easier just because of that shift in my mind and heart. As far as the blog, it’s pretty much the one luxury I allow myself right now, which is lucky because I can maintain it to a certain extent while I’m nursing 14 hours a day.

  23. What a beautiful baby! She looks like she’s smart already, that wise look…
    Embrace everyday with that little bundle, it goes fast. Give yourself permission to sleep when she sleeps, etc. You’ll be much happier and healthier if you do.
    I don’t think there are any words to really express what goes on in that mother baby bond – it’s just so beyond, beyond amazing! Enjoy it!
    Congrats again!

    1. Thank you! Both my husband and I both have MAs in English so sh’s just gearing up to join the fray.

      I’m getting a lot better at taking opportunities to rest and nap….and to purchase special-roasted fancy coffee. Whatever it takes!

  24. Oh my goodness, I was just wondering about you the other day and if you’d had your baby yet. And you have! She is GORGEOUS!!! Is there a way to smell though blog pictures, because I just LOVE the way new babies smell. They should bottle it because it doesn’t last. SNIFF AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE!!! I bet that’s unsolicited advice no one ever gave you before :).

    I feel trite saying “Enjoy it!” Because I know just how hard that is to do at 3am (after you’ve been up at 1am and 11pm and will likely be up again at 5am and 7am…). But prayers and the face are a pretty good bet to get you through. Ahh, my twins look huge to me now. *longs for teensy baby snuggles* *sniff*

    She’s beautiful, mama!

    1. Oh thank you! I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have said in the last weeks how I have no idea people do it with twins. I’m struggling with just the one! So you are a rockstar in my book.

      And that smell? To die for. It is as priceless and perfect as their sweet soft hair. So perfect!

  25. Seeing Miss C’s pictures gives me newborn baby envy – must resist the cuteness and soft skin memories… the days and nights blur together in the early days and then one day you realize that there is a routine to it and you can predict what will make your little one happy. I can relate to the late night nursing marathons and putting baby back to bed out of sheer fatigue, hoping that he would miraculously sleep. You can do this. You are already a wonderful mother.

    1. Thank you for your (always) sweet words! What a difference a few days make when it comes to newborns; things are indeed getting easier! This is partly because we’re getting into a routine, my hormones are leveling off and not making me freak out nearly as much, and sleep is coming easier. I am actually getting to the point where I don’t want these early days to end. A friend came over to visit me and C today and she brought her nine MO, and I couldn’t help but think that I just wanted C to remain tiny forever, despite the fact that she cried and was fussy the entire time :). There’s just something about those phantom smiles, soft skin, and perfect smell.

  26. Adorable! Finally caught up on blogs myself during a crazy amount of nursing last night (ever hour and a half). But then I got a 3 hour stretch of sleep all of a sudden – these little ones are such a mystery!

Now you can hold the magic talking stick.

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