The B Word

You should always have an ongoing project. Last year, my project was being pregnant. And it’s funny, but when I was pregnant with C, actually having a baby was still a hypothetical thing to me. This is probably pretty common among first pregnancies. It’s hard to wrap your brain around the immediacy of actually having a child in your life because you have nothing else to compare it to. You actually have to be selfish because everything revolves around you and your body because of the baby who’s inside. You are hot; you are hungry; you are tired; you are cranky; you are having a baby shower. But in a way, that focus of attention on yourself prepares you for the absolute focus you’re going to have on the baby once it comes. From labor day onward, it’s not about pregnant you anymore. It’s about the thing that made you pregnant in the first place.

Just a point to ponder.

So yeah, last year it was about the pregnancy. But what now? Miss C is my highest priority, so what can I be doing for myself to make me better for her? Ah, good question.

This blog is very important to me. I think that’s pretty obvious, considering that more and more these days I am actually blogging about blogging. How very meta. I’ve always enjoyed writing and I finally have some people who want to read what I have to say, and that’s a huge boost to my self esteem and it encourages me to keep going.

Thus enters the B word.

No, not that B word. The other one.

I am going to write a book.

I have about 1,000 ideas that I need to get out of the ephemera of my brain and I am finally going to do it. What I don’t have is an outline, a schedule, a timetable, or a lot of practical knowledge of the proper course that I should take in fleshing out my plan. But what I do have is the will to do it and the knowledge that going through the exercise of writing a book will be 100% worth it. The longest thing I’ve ever written up to now was my senior thesis in college. At 35 pages, it was the product of an incredible amount of studying and thinking, but I was extremely proud of it when I finished it. Still am.

So that’s the long project. One of my shorter term goals is to start freelance writing. Lately, B and I have been talking a lot about Miss C’s education and what we want to provide for her as far as that goes, and the thing that we keep going back to is homeschooling. We don’t know where we’ll be living once she reaches school age, but we feel strongly about our abilities to educate her. However, if this plan is to transpire, one of us (likely me) will be home with her full-time, which limits our earning capacity. And what would I do if I could do anything, professionally? Write from home. I started looking into doing this last year, but my resolve diminished the bigger my uterus grew. Yeah, it was a teensy bit distracting. But now it’s time to get moving with that.

So these are tall orders. However, I look at my daughter in amazement with the thought that I made her. Even saying those words – my daughter – still leaves me dumbstruck. I have a daughter. B and I end our days talking about our baby, and the very fact that these conversations occur leaves me with with disbelief that this beauty is my life. I have come so far already, so I know that I can meet my resolve to just say some things in a written document. Words are small, but when you put them together properly, they get close to reproducing the joy of life.

I’m gonna try.

About these ads

30 comments

  1. krugthethinker · · Reply

    Ahhhhh, I am so excited!! That is awesome! I am so proud of you (I mean, I always was, just for the record)! I can’t wait to talk to you more about all of it and come along with you on the journey (sorry, that sounds very Lord of the Rings, but you know what I mean) ;)
    Here are some more excited exclamation points!!!!! :)

    1. You totally inspired me to just get the ball rolling on it. I’m tired of putting it off. Now’s as good a time as ever to get started. Love you!

  2. Bitchin’ – you’ll be fabulous! I have found that ultimately your child’s development and personality will determine what kind of education you’ll provide for her. She will blossom because you are thoughtful about it already!

    1. Thanks! What you say is so true; we take a lot of our parental cues from her so far, so I can’t imagine that her education will be much different.

  3. Emily — congrats and good luck. It is a daunting and wonderful experience (I’m still working on mine), but with your skill, talent and tenacity, I know that you’ll accomplish what you set out to do. Look forward to reading more about this.

    As far as freelancing, Craigslist can be your best friend to get your feet wet in the freelancing world or walk into your local paper and tell ‘em you want to write for them. For free (until they realize your magnificence) and then they’ll start paying you.

    Very good thoughts your way, friend. Very excited for you!!!!!

    1. Thanks for the advice on freelancing. I need all the help I can get since I’m just getting started. Did you ever use Writer’s Market?

      1. I haven’t, Emily. There’s so many now, it’s hard to keep track. Some don’t pay very well while others pay decent. I’ll check into that one! Thank you. (Seriously try the newspaper thing, though — it’ll get your name in print and you’ll have fun doing it).

        1. That’s what I’ve heard. In the meantime, I will look into the newspaper, though! ;D

  4. So, fiction? Non fiction? I’ve been gonna write a book for a long time and just now am getting organized about it and developing supports. Good for you! I’m getting my freelance writing butt in gear too, once the kids are back in school. We can be a virtual support network. With BPD, every little thing can trigger a days-long funk.

    So, congrats, congrats, congrats. BTW, got The Once and Future King from the library today.

    1. I’m pretty sure it will be similar to my blog, ie, nonfictional essays. Unlike my blog posts, though, all of them will have a point. I tried my hand at fiction before and I just don’t have that creative, imaginative gene. Everything “fictional” I’ve ever tried to write was 98% from my real experiences. I’m excited your doing the freelance thing too! We will have to lean on each other.

      I hope you love the OFK! Just between you and me, that thesis I was referring to in this post? It was about the book. Haha if you ever have any shortage of things to read, I will send it to you after you finish the book ;)

  5. “Words are small, but when you put them together properly, they get close to reproducing the joy of life.” Oh, Emily. I will be buying said book.

    I want to write one, too. I keep starting and then being myself and thinking, “Ugh, this is crap. I am the worst writer ever. The world is terrible.” You know the deal. Maybe once I finish this marathon thing I’ll realize I can actually complete projects and reach goals, and I’ll sit down and do it.

    1. After I reread that, I realized that it’s really close to something Tom Stoppard said: “I don’t think writers are sacred, but words are. They deserve respect. If you get the right ones in the right order, you might nudge the world a little or make a poem that children will speak for you when you are dead.”

      Word to his mother. ;)

  6. A gripping life · · Reply

    I, member of the Chicago contingency, totally support your effort to write a book. Seriously, Emily, you should. You’re a great writer with original ideas, lots to say. Go for it. I wrote a few screenplays when my kids were little and I loved having that little escape.

    1. I knew my Chicago contingency would have by back! Free autographed copies for all, should I ever finish it!

      OK, so I am TOTALLY interested in your screenplays. Is there any way i can get my hands on them? ;)

      1. a gripping life · · Reply

        I actually met with some crazy success, and by “success” I mean I had some great positive feedback. Hopefully no one will read this comment. I’m trusting you to not say anything, please, but… I had lunch with Annette Bening because she wanted to play the lead in my film, Brand New Me. I know. So crazy. I was never able to get the $$ or studios involved – a crucial part of the whole thing. It’s like building a house of cards. I also conversed on the phone (while I’m dropping names) with Meg Ryan for my second screenplay, The Real Paige Turner. I had a really good agent helping me at the time. Any whooo, it was years ago. Sometimes life gets in the way…. I may still have another one in me but I’m not sure…
        Emily, if I can do this (remember, I’m totally dyslexic) then so can you. Seriously, get on it. I have your back 100%. Start now while Miss C is a baby. Just do a little
        everyday and you’ll get there. : ) Whatever you write will be wonderful, I have no doubt. : )

        1. That is amazing. And just so you know, if it ever comes up in conversation with other people (which it will because I will force it), I am TOTALLY going to brag on you and say that one of my blogging buddies met with very real success and had lunch with Annette Benning and chatted with Meg Ryan about her screenplay. I’m a major name-dropper too. I have no shame. None. But seriously, those are some true, major accomplishments and I applaud you for them.

          Thank you so much for your encouragement. It’s so comforting to know that more people than just my mom believe in me. Love ya, lady!

  7. I can’t wait to read your book, whatever you write about! Good for you! I am sure you have SEVERAL books in you. I look forward to your success. And when you come to Salt Lake on a book signing tour, I will be first in line!

    1. Thanks, Stacy! I am really pumped to get started on it. Thanks for your encouraging words. As one of my loyal blog followers, I think I will be able to set you up with a copy if and when I ever finish it!

      1. Please do so, Emily. I’d love to review it for you!

  8. Go, you! Can’t wait to read it!

    1. Thanks, friend! Let’s cross our fingers that I will eventually get started, much less finish it!

  9. Hop to it! Your goal should be to finish it before Jells finishes hers. That’ll give her a nice rub.

    1. Ha! She’s already got a huge leg up on it. Maybe her baby will come early and set her back and I can catch up.

      1. I’m reading this, you guys! You’re both funny. TOO funny. Watch out Emily, I’m thinking about working on making time for (you get the idea) ANOTHER unfinished project! I’m 5 pages in of 2 drafts for the same book. I think this baby blanket I want to make is keeping me from the same all-consuming energy I had with my first book. Which was really fun to write, no matter what does or doesn’t come of it! Get on it, chica, you’ll be glad you did. And you’re a great/precise/witty writer, so your book will be fab, I just know it.

  10. You should definitely write a book! If I could sit down and complete one task, it would be doing just that. I guess it takes more than a couple hours of sitting down and writing, but hey! It’s doable. And you’re a great writer with some good stories under your belt! Share them with the world!

  11. Eeeek! This is so exciting!!!

  12. I can’t wait to buy tons of copies!! I love the idea of you turning your Tales of the World into a book–for some reason that’s how I envision it. I’m sure that anything you come up with will be golden. I will be right here in your cheering section!

    If you ever need sympathy and/or inspiration to push through the writer’s block, my pal/perpetual wedding date Becky has been to this dance a couple of times. She’s at thebchannel.blogspot.com. I’m sure she’d love to swap stories!

  13. I read this quote today on Slate from David Rakoff, “Writing only ever begins badly. And you have to sit and tolerate yourself long enough to grind out a shitty draft.” (http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2012/08/10/david_rakoff_is_dead_of_cancer_the_essayist_and_this_american_life_contributor_was_47_.html). You can do a book, Emily. Your blog has been practice for it. You are a good story teller, able with humor and interest to elevate the everyday into the extraordinary.

  14. the opening line is just you know IT. good luck with your B as in your Best-seller [i know that's what it's going to be]. Looking forward to this –> “Free autographed copies for all, should I ever finish it!”

  15. May I add my voice to the chorus of yippee-ers and hurray-ers over your announcement? I am SO SO excited, thrilled, doing dances of happiness. I can’t wait! Oh. yes, but your blog is called The Waiting. So I will have to wait. The joys of motherhood never end! When I gave birth to my little Kiki I could never have dreamed she would grow up to be the fabulous person that she is and then to have as friends such fabulous other-daughters-for-me such as yourself, and I can just bask in it all!

Now you can hold the magic talking stick.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 12,066 other followers

%d bloggers like this: