Birthday Wins

Is the idea that when you turn 25, you blow out flowers instead of candles? What is this I can’t even

Yesterday was my birthday. You know this if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook because I let you know in the form of many, many notifications. What can I say? I’m thorough. I haven’t always been a fan of birthdays. The getting older part doesn’t really bother me at all because I am eternally youthful (LOL LOL LOL), but what does bother me is when the universe doesn’t deliver the acclaim I deserve on my special day. You only get 25 happy birthday greetings from people on Facebook instead of 200 or your husband only spends $200 on jewelry for you instead of the requisite $4000. Life is so hard. Yesterday, however, I had a wonderful birthday. And I didn’t even have to leave home! Thank you to everyone who gave me a shout-out. It made me feel warm inside.

As I was giving C her bath last night, I started thinking about birthdays. That detail about the bath has really nothing to do with anything but I think it indicates that I’m a swell person for caring for my child even on my special day. I was thinking about birthdays and it occurred to me that they are the best holidays of all. If there were a holiday competition, birthdays would for sure win. Would you like to know why? Good, because I’m going to tell you.

1. Birthdays are custom made. Even though you don’t get to pick when you’re born, your birthday is specific to you. You don’t have to share it with anyone and all the glory is heaped upon you and you only. This is another reason why being a twin would be horrible. First you have to share your room and now you have to share your cake. Tragic. I guess the idea of twin languages kind of cancels this out but I doubt those things exist in the first place.

2. You get to spend time with whoever you want to. Unlike Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter, there is no requisite family misery. You don’t have to spend half the day with your sister and then schlep yourself over to your ex-cousin-in-law’s for the afternoon like you do on Christmas. If you want to hang out with all your high school friends on your birthday, you can. And if for some reason you want to hang out with your yoga instructor, you can. Since it’s your birthday, she can’t really say no. This is also known as Birthday Leverage.

3. You get to do whatever you want. There are no stupid traditions that are foisted on you by others. You don’t have to put lights on your roof and risk breaking your neck. You don’t have to buy a bunch of eggs and then hide them. What the heck are your supposed to do with the eggs after they’ve been found? You can’t donate them to charity. That’s gross and plus I doubt the needy want to get high cholesterol from eating your gently used eggs. The only real tradition that is specific to birthdays is eating cake, and if you’re complaining about that then we have nothing in common.

4. Facebook is fun for a day. Poor Facebook. It has become the whipping boy of every single blog post written this year. This one will be no exception. Facebook is not fun on holidays because everyone is talking about the holiday or complaining about the holiday. Even though Halloween is pretty great, you have to look at pictures of people wearing costumes they made themselves, as if it’s Pinterest or something. Ugh, just leave me alone, Holiday. Facebook on your birthday is fun, though. People tell you how much they love you and how awesome you are. Even though they may only say “Happy Birthday” with no exclamation marks or even your name, you know that they are telling you that they really admire you and your incredible nature.

5. There’s no cleaning up. Since it’s your birthday and the party is for you, you don’t have to clean up the mess. Even if you chose to put up a Christmas tree for your birthday and decorate it with rubber gloves and pictures of Rainn Wilson, you won’t have to clean it up at the end of the party because all the guests are basically your servants. So when you open your gifts, be sure to tear the paper into tiny little pieces of confetti because you don’t have to clean that mess up.

What is your favorite or least favorite thing about your birthday?

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85 comments

  1. twindaddy · · Reply

    ‘This is another reason why being a twin would be horrible.’ My twins are glaring at you accusingly. I must confess, I’m a bit insulted as well. Double the birthdays, twice the fun. You just don’t know what you’re missing.

    1. LOL I’m just jealous of twins. I always wanted one! Now I’m just hating all over them because I only wish I had one!

      1. twindaddy · · Reply

        Nice recovery, but the twins aren’t buying it.

        1. I’ve done all I can.

          1. twindaddy · · Reply

            I doubt that so I’m still eyeing you suspiciously.

            1. *Hides behind sofa.*

              1. twindaddy · · Reply

                I saw that! My stare pierces the sofa. Critical roll.

                1. *Hides behind the lead sofa.*

                  1. twindaddy · · Reply

                    Critical fail. This sucks. Who am I supposed to glare at now?

                    1. Aren’t you going to ask where I got a lead sofa?

                    2. twindaddy · ·

                      Not at the moment. I’m still cursing my dice and having a temper tantrum. I’ll get back with you in a few.

  2. My favorite thing is that I can do whatever I want. My least favorite thing is I have to decide what to do when honestly my dream birthday would be literally impossible because it would involve too many naked babes, too much calorie free donuts, and enemies of mine fighting lions. I hate the question “What do you want for your birthday?” Self-satisfaction is never the answer your parents want to hear.

    Glad you had a great one! I too like seeing who wishes me a happy one on Facebook. I manage to memorize it and behave passive aggressively and only wish them one if they wished me one the previous year :)

    1. I do the exact same thing on Facebook. Since you wished me a happy birthday there, expect a huge birthday parade from me on your Wall once your birthday rolls around.

  3. You are hilarious, and I love you! Next year I am going to demand a Christmas tree decorated with rubber gloves and pictures of Rainn Wilson!

    1. Once I said that I realized that it would actually be kind of cool.

  4. I’m a fan of birthdays because I am always, always, always younger than I think I am. Eventually I’ll figure it out, but last year I was beaming all day. Who knew this ol’ girl was only 25?

    1. I know! Who knew I’d be so mature for a 21 year old.

  5. Happy Birthday, Emily!

    My birthday is in September and never fail, we have a tropical storm or a hurricane. The power goes out or I’m schlepping through the rain in my birthday finery to get to a restaurant for a birthday dinner. One year I was actually at a restaurant and the power went out. We had to leave. I’m thinking of switching birthdays with my husband–his is in July.

    1. You could do an unbirthday! You could celebrate in March instead. Hopefully the weather cooperates then.

  6. Pie, turkey, stuffing, and pie. I love cake, too…but pie.

    1. Agreed. You better wish on your luckiest star that we move to MO because then I can make you one of my famous apple pies for your BD.

  7. WOOT happy (yesterday) birthday!

  8. Haha this post cracked me up. I’m glad you had a happy, happy birthday :)

    My favorite part about my birthday is that I get to see a lot of my friends again, both old and new. So much so that my birthday extends to a birthday MONTH. It’s quite fantastic :)

    Least favorite part about my birthday… Hmm… I’m one of the big planners out of the majority of my friend groups so I get annoyed for my birthday when I have to plan EVERYTHING. I feel like my birthday should be a time when I get to sit back and have others do the hard labor for me. Not me have to run around like a crazy person trying to make sure they have a good time. I only say this because I do this all the time. It’d be nice if they surprised me with something one of these days :)

    1. I know exactly what you mean! A few years ago I celebrated my birthday at a restaurant and pretty much ALL my friends came. We made a reservation for our group, but it ended up being so large that they split us all up between three tables, so I felt obliged to go and check in on all of them. I was in constant motion the whole night! It was fun but I just didn’t want anyone to feel left out.

      1. Yeah!! That happens to me sometimes too! I have to remind myself to also eat amidst all the fun so I don’t pass out from hunger pangs :P

  9. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
    I’ve barely been on line the last few days. I’m so sorry I missed it, and am very happy you had a good time!

    1. That’s OK! It was a great day!

  10. LOL! “Gently used eggs.”
    This post reminded me of something Lily would have written, yeah, it definitely had tones of Lily. I think you summed it up very well. Birthdays are great because they allow you to be the most selfish, ego-centered person for a whole day!!! YAY!! Hey, nothing wrong with that!
    That said, Emily, I’m sorry I missed your big birthday-palooza. I think we both know how I feel about you. Suffice it to say, that I think of you as my virtual daughter – I’m basically in love with you, on every level. You’re beautiful inside and out, smart, funny, and best of all, so very kind and sensitive. You got the whole thing going on. I could write an entire post about you and your total awesomeness. – Oh well, I guess it will have to wait another year! ;)
    All my post-birthday love to you!!!!
    xoxox

    …and giving Cee a bath on YOUR big day…? What are you, like, a saint? ;)

    1. OMG it’s so funny that you say that about this being in Lily’s style because I was thinking the same thing the entire time I was writing it! She has influenced me so much! I think it has a hint of Tim too. I wish I were young and irreverent like them ;D

      Thank you so much for your kind wishes! You know I love you too!

      1. They are nothing, if not irreverent – like scary irreverent! Ha!

  11. Sorry I missed your big day, cutie! You look better than ever!
    Happy Birthday A Day Late!

    1. Thanks! Once I take the cellophane off of all the workout vids I bought myself for my birthday, I will hopefully look fantastic!

  12. Birthdays are great! Sometimes I abuse the whole “day” part of birthday and make it into a birthweek. Because sometimes you need to keep the fun rolling. And then more people hate you so you have less friendships to keep up with……I mean.
    I can’t believe you bathed C on your birthday. You are such an amazing person.
    But in all seriousness, Happy birthday again blogger sister of mine!

    1. Thanks! I am pretty incredible. I even fed her lunch too. She is so lucky to have me for a mom.

  13. Hahaha! This is awesome. I especially like #2. Pressure free special days are the best.

    1. I am definitely getting old because I didn’t even remember what I wrote for #2.

  14. All EXCELLENT reasons for birthdays being the #1 holiday! Never thought of it that way, but it’s so true… happy day! 23 has never looked so good!!

    1. I know! It’s crazy that I can be so young and yet so wise. Oh wait.

  15. I so agree. Birthdays are special that way. I never understood people who didn’t want to make a big deal out of their birthdays—hey, that’s the one day that’s YOURS! Glad you enjoyed your birthday—only 364 days until the next one!

    1. People who say that they don’t want a fuss are just asking for an even bigger one. Or at least I will punish them with one, complete with singing waiters.

  16. Happy Birthday, lady, just a day late! My birthday is Christmas day…so none of this applies to me (except the FB thing…) so I am glad that you can enjoy your day!!! My kids will have the best birthdays ever! It will be a RULE in our house…I will share my birthday with Jesus…but they will have GREAT birthdays!!!

    1. I am getting stoked for C’s birthday! It’s coming up so soon! I may or may not cry. And by may not I mean will.

      1. Ummm…yeah, i have a feeling i am going to totally LOSE it when Baby L turns one. And then a few days later, I will pop out another one and lose it all over again. Oh lord…what am I doing?!

  17. Facebook birthday wishes are great. You know someone really cares if they include an adjective. Like, “Have a lovely birthday, Emily!”

    1. That little extra effort spells love.

  18. I got the twit that yesterday was your birthday. It was also my brother’s and I didn’t get around to wishing HIM a happy birthday til today. So I will now do the same to you: Happy Birthday Emily!
    And yes, a pressure-free, specialized and catered day is not too much to ask.

    1. Thanks! And happy birthday to your bro too! January 16 is magical.

  19. Least favorite is when people insist on lumping your birthday in with the nearest holiday. Mine is near Valentine’s Day, and any store bought cup cakes are gonna be fuckin pink, and when I get my Victoria’s Secret birthday gift card in the mail, everything in the store is pink or red. Blerg.

    1. Ugh, when people lump me in with MLKJ Day too it is the WORST. Oh wait. Seriously, though, that would be super annoying to have a v-day b-day. I have a friend whose birthday is October 31, and as great as Halloween is, she gets tired of always having spider cupcakes.

      1. Lol, MLKJ would be so lucky.

      1. Just so you don’t think I’m totally unenthusiastic…this is a standard birthday greeting of mine for those I enjoy. Because of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcbvKe34Zjw

        1. I knew that seemed familiar! I completely appreciate the reference. And you. And The Office back when it was funny ;D

      2. AND I TOTALLY ENJOY YOU!!! :)

  20. Happy belated birthday Emily! I also feel that birthdays are like holidays. I enjoy my birthday every year no matter what! I’m glad you enjoyed yours.

    1. Birthdays are so fun! I loved the post you wrote for your birthday last year. Thanks, Sandee!

  21. Happy (belated) Birthday, Emily! Coincidentally, 25 is the age my mother likes to lie she is (I still don’t understand why women do that; I must need to be older ;) ). Hope you had a great day!

    Hmm, I think my best part of birthdays is the not having to do anything. The worst though, has got to be the phoning relatives. Don’t get me wrong; I love being wished happy birthday but it seems all my relations only ever call between the hours of 11pm and 7am. :/ Also, I was unfortunate enough to be a Summer baby, so by the time my birthday comes around either a) I have exams b) Everyone’s gone on holiday or c) All my friends have forgotten I hadn’t already turned X age. I’m waiting for the year when they’ve all turned 30 and I’m still 29. *evil laugh*

    1. I dislike talking to people on the phone anyway, so I especially hate the influx of calls on my birthday. It was kind of funny yesterday because C threw the phone under the sofa and I couldn’t find it for the longest time. I guess her little gift to me was putting the phone out of sight. She’s a good girl ;D

  22. I totally agree with everything you’ve said! Sure, you share a birthday with millions of other people, but in your world it’s YOUR day. You get to be the Head Biatch In Charge, and that’s exciting.

    1. That’s true! And I’ve never actually met anyone who shares for my birthday so as far as I’m concerned I’m the only person who was ever born on that day ;D

  23. I love my birthday. I always take it off from work and we always do something special. This year we went to the amazing “Becoming Van Gogh” exhibit at the Denver Art Museum. My sister flew in from Atlanta on THE day and we all went together. Then my sister and I spend four days in Las Vegas. My husband and I celebrate for about two weeks and call it the “Birthday Fortnight.” Awesome!

    1. I like the way you roll! We are also going to an art exhibit in Raleigh this weekend to celebrate. I’m a little nervous about bringing Wee Cee, but I figure that all the other art patrons will appreciate us starting her early on the good stuff ;D

  24. Happy birthday a day late. I’m glad you indulged yourself and made the most of your day. My birthday is something I would prefer to forget about but my friends, family, boss and colleagues make a much bigger deal out of it than I ever would. It’s nice that my posse loves me so much, but I am not a fan of my own aging, even though I know that aging beats the alternative. On the bright side, no one subjects me to the humiliation of a cake loaded with so many candles the fire department has to be summoned to put it out.

    1. It’s funny you mention candles, because this was the first year in God knows how long that I actually put them on my cake. It was mostly for C’s benefit because they’re pretty and all. And yeah, there were a lot. I was really surprised when the smoke detector didn’t go off.

  25. Happy belated birthday! Glad you had a wonderful day!

    1. Thanks! It was really fun!

  26. Yay for birthdays! I hope yours was the happiest!

    1. It was awesome! Having a kiddo to celebrate with is highly underrated.

      1. Wait until you receive your first macaroni necklace. Heights you have only imagined, my friend. It gets better and better!

  27. Happy Bday, Emily. :)
    Does that make you a fellow Aquarius, then? I tend to keep my own pretty under wraps, but am always happy to enjoy other people’s birthdays.

    1. I am actually a Capricorn, but I have no idea what that indicates. That I have horns? Probably.

      Now my mission is to find out when your birthday is and throw you a big obnoxious party.

      1. Ha. You’ll have more success trying to track down the Lindbergh baby than finding out my bday.

          1. The Lindberghs will be thrilled to hear it.

            1. I may or may not be the granddaughter of the Lindbergh baby.

              1. Considering how it all went down, I’ve got good odds on which it is.

  28. Oh, happy birthday to you!! I never really do anything special for my birthday. If I’m lucky, my husband “surprises” me with a trip to P.F. Changs, but it’s never really a surprise. If we can afford it, we go for each of our birthdays, and I’m in charge of the budget so I always know what we can afford. But still, pan fried veggie dumplings, garlic noodles with five spice tofu, and orange spice tea, finished off with one of those dessert shot things, yeah… happy birthdays are fun. :)

    I’m glad you had a good day. And you could just keep your Christmas tree up until your birthday, add your gloves and photos, and then when all of the birthday festivities are done, you’ve now dodged cleaning up after the holidays too!

    1. Yuuuum! That sounds so good! I am really with you on the budgeting. Birthdays don’t taste good if you go overboard. That’s why I’d really be good with a bowl of $7 pho. Tasty, cheap, and celebratory!

  29. Happy Birthday from Snarky! I would post some birthday clip art here but I don’t know how to do it. “I. AM. SO SMART. S-M-R-T” Sorry, Simpsons on the brain since I just name dropped Lisa Simpson in my last post. Did you know that they based her character off of me? Not really. That was a lie. Snarky has had too much coffee today. I digress. BIRTHDAYS! Yes. I hope you had a super duper birthday! :-)

  30. TheTragicWhale · · Reply

    Happy belated birthday! I’m glad it was a good one :)

  31. Happy very belated birthday!

    This post made me giggle because my mother is born on Christmas Day and is always moaning that she doesn’t get her own day! :)

    Daisy x

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