I’m in a rut, but it’s the kind of rut that comes about not from mundane habit but from new stimuli. The last couple weeks have decimated any routine I was on with C and we’re starting to feel the brunt of it. Sometimes I forget what a finely-tuned clock a baby is until a grain of sand is introduced into her workings. B was on Spring Break last week so we went to Charlotte to visit Kendra and Chris at their house. We had a lot of fun and she was able to get all her naps (C, not Kendra. LOL) but all the driving and new surroundings kind of threw her for a loop. A couple days after we got back, my mom and Aunt Pam came to visit us because they were on their Spring Breaks. Again, a lot of fun and great face time. C was in the middle of her stranger danger phase the last time we saw them and now that it’s passed, she enjoyed her time with them. But she was tedious and grumpy a lot of the time too. I couldn’t relax when we all went for brunch on Sunday because I was nervous she’d lose her composure at any moment.
She’s been taking more and more steps lately as well as communicating her needs to us through signs and body language. All these new milestones are jarring for her as well as for me because once again I have to recalibrate the motions of our day. Plus, the added frustration when she can’t express what she wants tends to be intense.
Let me also go on the record as saying that Daylight Saving Time is the biggest load of crap. I really do not get it at all. C is handling the change pretty well but I cannot get used to putting her to bed at night when the sun is shining in her face. It kind of takes away the credence of “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.”
We will be spending another year in our town because B did not find a job elsewhere. We both did an incredible amount of work to apply to many, many jobs for him, but it was all for naught. I am not as upset as I was a few weeks ago when it was evident that he would not hear back from any of the jobs he applied to, but it still stinks. I will stay upbeat for C, though, because she doesn’t need to know that I’m upset about something as inconsequential as geography when she’s enduring growth milestones that really are frustrating. At least I can express myself and walk with ease.
I wrote last summer about starting the freelance journey but it’s no surprise (to me at least) that I am just now getting around to figuring out how to write for money. Hang around me long enough and you’ll notice that whenever I have a big ol’ plan it often takes me years to actually implement it. So yeah, I’ve been trying to figure out where to begin and I often get overwhelmed because there’s so much grunt work to do. B’s job hunt has temporarily soured me on putting a tremendous amount of work and time into a project that will likely reap no benefits in the foreseeable future. I’m just being honest here. I’d like to have one small sure thing just to break up the monotony. I know full well that the work I put in won’t actually be for nothing, because I’m also a firm believer that there are no mistakes in the trajectory of life. All those rejections and false leads make you who you are and can be a boon if you chose to learn from them.
I guess I’m just tired of learning right now.
I feel like my blog is suffering too. Last night I tried writing a post I had had brewing in my mind for awhile. The kind of post that is structured and has a point beyond catharsis. Unlike this one, for instance. But it just wasn’t coming. I don’t know who I was trying to channel when I wrote it because the words I wrote didn’t sound like me or anyone else for that matter. Hrumph. I also haven’t been reading as much which I apologize for if I’ve been neglecting your blog. Lately it just seems like a lot of work. Again, just honesty. And believe me, it’s really not you, it’s me.
So hang in there with me. This post seems to be over now because C is waking from her nap twenty minutes early.
And likely, doodie too. Jokes.