B and I talk a lot about what makes a piece of Internet writing good. We share an interest in blogging and social media, so many times we narrate our evening strolls with C with conversations about Medium, blogging, and how we’re going to make our millions talking on the Internet. (Hint: we’re not.) The other night, we agreed that reactionary posts about ridiculous things celebrities do are way too easy to write and therefore probably aren’t that good. The idiot celebrities who pull their stunts do most of the work for you, and all you have to exhibit is an iota of common sense in your reaction to them.
I am going to go ahead and break my own rules, though, and talk about how freaking inane it is that Kanye West and Kim Kardashian named their child “North”, making the child’s name North West. While I believe that parents should support each other in their endeavors to raise their kids however they chose (as long as love and safety are at the core of their methods) and not nitpick each other based on the details of their parenting strategies, I cannot get over how angry it makes me that these two entertainers have essentially given their kid a pun for a name.
I’m kind of ashamed of myself for even being surprised. Could I have expected something better from two people who are arguably The Worst Ever? To basically give their child a name that is nothing better than a headline-grabber and blog fodder? No, I couldn’t have. These two individuals have crafted “careers” out of being outrageous and despicable, out of getting married for ratings (see: Kardashian) and for behaving as a charlatan on public fundraisers and awards shows (see: West.) (PLUS, can I just get it out of my system how much I DEPLORE Kanye West for ruining my precious Daft Punk?)
How shall I tackle this topic?
Should I resort to the ever-popular “open letter” format and write a missive to the proud parents, giving them a piece of my mind? Maybe I could write a letter to poor North notifying her of the avenues she can take to change her name to something a little less ostentatious.
Shall I create a list of twenty other names that Mr. West and Ms. Kardashian could have selected for their offspring?
Should I take screen caps of the myriad hilarious tweets and Facebook status updates I have seen regarding the naming of the Kardashian-West baby? Sometimes you just have to crowdsource the parody.
Maybe I should write a piece of fan fiction where North West, Apple Paltrow, and Lorenzo “Snooki’s Baby” LaValle all get together as adults and plot ways that they can utterly humiliate their parents in a similar way that they humiliated them as infants.
I realize that my response to them is exactly what they want. They want to be hated. They want to have attention in whatever form they can get it. They want little bloggers like me to write about them.
However, I am still entitled to my ire and I would feel it just as strongly if they were a couple of people who lived downstairs in my apartment building. Foolish is foolish no matter how famous you are.
God bless their child. May she be better than her parents.