Privilege

It’s been a few weeks since I last wrote a blog post here. It’s funny; you can go nearly two and a half years doing something almost every day, essentially writing in your sleep. Then, you let a little time elapse and all of a sudden you feel like you have to start over from Square One. 

Well, greetings from Square One. I is writer and words is become hi?

Bear with me while I get my rhythm going again. These next few posts will be the blogging equivalent of a good knuckle-cracking. 

This has been a year of Good Fortune for me. I always felt like it had an auspicious feel to it; I knew good things were on the horizon. I didn’t know what they were, but I knew that changes were coming. They would be what I made of them, and I was ready to make good of them.

You will find sometimes in life that you don’t have time for pessimism. At those points, do not listen to that nagging “what if” that tells you it’s more grown up to fear for the unknown. Tell it to go away, that your gut that says All Is Well is right.

I find myself this July back in my hometown which is completely different than when I left it ten years ago. It’s a place I’m proud of and a place that C will know as her own. Our family’s history is here. Every day on my way to work, I pass by a large house with a three-story radio tower that my grandfather erected back in the 50’s. I never met him, but my dad would drive way out of his way when we were kids to show us the tower and tell us about his dad’s electronics shop and his hobby, boating. Now as I drive past that tower every day, I feel like they’re both winking at me as a reminder that I am indeed exactly where I am supposed to be, to stop doubting my Good Fortune.

I’m tired at the end of the day, but it’s the good kind of tired that comes from working at a place where I’m not as heavily emotionally-invested in my activities. It’s true what they say: stay-at-home parenting really is the hardest job on the face of the planet. When I was home with C, the hours just went on and on and on. By the end of the day, I was spent and I’d retreat in my blog so I could tease out the beauty of parenting a small child. The fabric of early childhood is prone to knots and dreads; you’ve got to seek out the things that are beautiful about it and comb them out with some special hair tool that have to get at a specialty beauty-supply store.

I come home now, and C runs to see me.

Mommy, I WUUUUUUVE YOU!

You should see it. Occasionally I’ll check behind curtains and see if there’s a camera hidden somewhere taping my life in some Truman Show setup.

At bedtime, she misses me and asks that I lie down next to her bed while she falls asleep.

Mommy, you sleep nexta me. 

I hear her toss and turn and after about twenty minutes she’s out. The light hits her on her face and she’s my little baby.

I am amazed with this Privilege that is my life, that I can have both the tower and the experience of hearing her small toddler purr. 
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57 comments

  1. welcome back to the blogging world. We missed you.

    1. Awwwww, thanks. I missed you all too.

  2. Well hello there. So glad you’re back :)

    1. Thanks, Jules! Thanks for bearing with me as I get back in the saddle.

  3. Your optimism is so uplifting! I love your point that work’s less-charged emotional environment helps you come home more refreshed and able to find new things to enjoy about your little girl. She seems to see you in a more glowing light, too, the little sweetie!

    1. Thank you! Optimism fits me better. My hair is gray enough as it is. C points that out :)

  4. I feel similar. I had to drop everything for family–it’s pretty important. Glad to know writers I admire find themselves struggling sometimes.

    1. Oh honey, I find myself struggling ALL the time. It’s a surprise when I have a day absent of doubt ;)

  5. The Gman makes one of us lay next to him while he sleeps, but we’re less enthusiastic about it than you seem to be. Lol. Maybe we need to revisit this. Welcome back.

    1. Thanks. I think it may get old after awhile, but *hopefully* it’s just a temporary arrangement.

  6. Welcome back.. Looking forward :)

  7. Welcome back! Sounds like your life is full & happy….enjoy it.

    1. Thanks! I am ;)

  8. Twindaddy · · Reply

    EMILY!!!! WELCOME BACK!!

    1. It took me like four days to respond to your comment, so I don’t know if that qualifies as “back”, but I’ll take it. Thanks :)

      1. Twindaddy · · Reply

        I’ll take it either way.

  9. Good to have you back!

    1. Thank you! It feels good!

  10. Me think you write good still like hi and stuff (I’m still trying to get the hang of blogging again after a long absence).

    1. We’re both basically cockroaches. You think we’re gone and then we come back. That, and the antennae.

  11. Hi Emily! So nice to see you again. Your post makes me very nostalgic for my old stomping ground. You write as if you’ve never left–it’s always a pleasure reading your musings–they make one feel good and grateful and that’s a gift. Welcome back–I’ve been on a long hiatus from the blogging world as well. I miss the camaraderie. Cee just keeps getting more gorgeous. Wonderful post and you are so right, life, this life is such a privilege. Lovely reminder to everyone. Tell Memphis hi for me!

    1. Hi Brig! I certainly will! Memphis misses you. If you’re ever around, I’d love to get together. This place is wonderful. Midtown is thriving and the arts scene is amazing. You’d love it.

  12. Hello darling, glad to see you back. May I mention another lovely aspect of your new life? I am so happy for you that you can do what you are doing, that you are here and can occasionally meet me for lunch. But I am also happy for you that you can go to work AND NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT WHAT YOUR GIRL IS DOING. I wish more working mothers had that privilege. It makes all the difference in the world. Many hugs!

    1. Oh man. Just thinking about the two of you having lunch makes me smile. :) See?

      1. Good. Join us!

        1. I just might. There has been talk of a Memphis road trip…my husband loves the Memphis Redbirds and has been itching to go to a game :) Although we are running out of summer pretty quickly. However, I feel pretty certain it will happen at some point.

          1. GET DOWN HERE! The Redbirds await you! As do we!

            1. :) I don’t know when, but it will happen eventually…

          2. I will stand by!

      2. We have to get you down here so we can be Ladies Who Lunch. We shall wear flip-flops and be classylike.

        1. Oh, I have so many pairs of flip-flops to be classylike. So many.

    2. Word to your mother on the easing up. It gets easier every day, and it’s such a huge joy to see C love and trust Grammy and Bubby as much as she loves and trusts us. She’s a little person now. (In fact, she’s with Bubby at Trolley Stop as we speak!) It just makes my heart swell. Xoxox

  13. I miss your posts like whoa.
    It’s interesting, your posts are so good that they inspire me to write my own posts. They seem to jumpstart my creative process that I had previously thought was being sucked up by the squid in my uterus.

    1. I need to catch up on your squid! I missed you too.

  14. Your analogy about child rearing as brushing tangled hair is perfect. Especially early childhood, omg :) I think we writers are so lucky to be able to tease the beauty out of life in this way, although I think we need to be careful to actually enjoy the present without continually transforming events into words :) It’s good to be home, surrounded by family and history. Very grounding.

    1. “Although I think we need to be careful to actually enjoy the present without continually transforming events into words”– could not have put it better. Sometimes we just have to put the camera down and observe life without framing it in a way that we like best,

  15. A post from Emily in my inbox. It was like a breath of normalcy again. It’s been weird, girl. And may I say, you knuckle-crack very well.

    So happy Memphis is settling onto you again so comfortably. Being surrounded by those memories is going to help you grow an even more amazing Cee than she would have already been. Happy mama=Happy kid.

    Looking forward to a little more normalcy in my blog world :)

    1. Awwww, thanks. Its been weird for me too. I don’t know how I’m functioning not feeling guilt over posting three times a week ;D

      Now, all we have to do is get you here. I hear St. Louis isn’t too shabby, either.

  16. The Waiting made us wait!
    But great post and Really cute child!

    1. Ha! I see what you did there. Thanks on both counts ;)

  17. Thanks for checking in, Emily! You haven’t lost a thing in your writing. Same wonderful voice. Glad you are enjoying your present circumstances so much.

    Blessings,
    C

    1. Thank you! I still owe you a visit ;) Don’t think I forgot.

      1. :D Anytime! You will always be welcome, Emily. And I did not think you forgot … just ended up busier than usual. If there’s one thing I know about it’s moving – 26 times in 27 years … yeah, I think I have a little experience with that. lol

        Anyway, the welcome mat isn’t going anywhere. You let me know when you’re ready for an excursion to Nashville.

        C

  18. I’m so happy for you that you’re happy. :)

    1. Thank you. It’s a welcomed reprieve.

      1. You’re welcome :)

  19. They remind us of all that is good, right? But those days can be sooooo long. Working outside the home is hard, too, but it’s nice to be able to walk away from it, isn’t it? And it’s nice to be able to talk to other grown-ups and do challenging things, even if that means less time (and desperate need) to blog.

    See you next week!!

    1. It’s it’s ESPECIALLY nice to get to go to California and hang out with other grownups who have similar interests and that you’ve known online for awhile but to finally get to be in the same room with and dance to Rev. Run. :D

      1. Hear hear!!

  20. Enjoyed muchly. Days can be long, but years are short. Enjoy your purring toddler and enjoy showing her what her great grandaddy built.

    1. Amen to that.

  21. Life will dish out many hardships, it just will. It is important to weather those times well and then remember them so that you can be grateful for the truly wonderful experiences which also will come your way. Yuk, a serious thought!

  22. Ha ha! As I start to read I think your talking about me… Life is there to be lived and shared, don’t worry if you drift away for a bit! We aren’t going anywhere… We’ll wait :)

  23. Putting your toddler to sleep…… Magic. :-)

  24. There is nothing like a sleeping toddler! They are soooo beautiful & sooooo quiet, hahaha!

Now you can hold the magic talking stick.

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