Beyond Self-Promotion: Some Whys and Hows of Guest Blogging

Last week, I bought a book. It is the book adaptation of one of my favorite blogs, Lame Adventures. Yours truly – Madame Tightwad – couldn’t buy this book fast enough and would have forked over a bit more of my money had V asked me to, but she’s a good person and has priced her book very fairly. She lovingly referred to Lame Adventures: Unglamorous Tales From Manhattan as the “Manhattan Project” while it was in the works, and it details her exploits in the Big Apple.

I likely would not have purchased her book if it weren’t for a little thing called guest blogging. I first learned of V’s existence in October 2012 because she wrote a guest post on A Clown on Fire. I clicked over and have been hooked ever since. If we simplify the equation, her guest post equaled a new follower which equaled a book sale. Literal dollars. But big heart symbols too.

It got me thinking about the way effective guest blogging works. We may not all be selling something or even really care about hitting some set of arbitrary pageview goals, but as writers and bloggers, I think we can all agree that getting more return readers is something that we are interested in doing. Guest blogging is a potential way to do it and meet new friends, but so often I glaze over the instant someone puts up a post on their blogs written by someone else. There are two reasons for my indifference.

First, the host blogger often admits in a forward to the guest post that s/he is bogged down with life and that’s why s/he invited someone else to post that particular day. Basically, the guest blogger is a babysitter. Who respects the babysitter? Not me. That’s not to say you shouldn’t invite someone to guest post when you don’t have time to post yourself; just don’t advertise your absenteeism. Frame the guest blogger as someone to look forward to, not just an afterthought to your weeklong red wine binge.

Two, the guest post is often so self-promoting that it’s basically a commercial. Great, so Stanley Steamer is babysitting me. Good times in the blogosphere.

What makes a guest post work? I have a few ideas.

DSC08780 - Copy

A good guest post seamlessly merges the style and content of the host blogger with the style and content of the guest blogger/writer. Readers are savvy and they can detect awkward from a mile away. If you ask someone to guest post on your blog, make sure it’s a logical pairing. Even though it was hilarious and awesome when Snoop Dogg made a guest appearance on the Martha Stewart show, the same cannot be said of blogging. If the pairing is too random, your readers and theirs likely won’t hang around until the end of the post. You shouldn’t be carbon copies of each other, but seek out someone whose experience and style fills in the gaps of your own writing.

A good guest post has been given some thought by the host blog. If you invite someone to a potluck, you usually provide general guidelines on what they should bring so you don’t end up with only 9,000 paper plates, 30 pounds of ice, and one dish of potato salad. So it is with guest blogging. When you invite someone to guest post, consider giving them a bit of a prompt if they’re having trouble coming up with something on their own. This is what makes Le Clown’s guest series “A Canadian Clown in Gunland” work. In each post, bloggers lead Le Clown on a tour of their city. This framework is specific yet general enough for the guest blogger to show off their skills to an audience that may not know them. The guest blogger’s style and personality shines through the prompt.

A good guest post is shiny and sparkly and represents the best work a blogger has to offer. I look back at some of the guest posts I’ve written in the past and I cringe because I clearly did not give them as much attention or time as I give to posts for The Waiting. Not only is this insulting to the host blogger who basically invited me into his or her own house, but I also wasn’t doing myself any favors by showing up with less than my A game. Each guest post you write has the potential to bring new followers in, not to mention strengthen your versatility as a writer. Get dressed up and shampoo your hair for once. You will likely want to promote your piece among your own readers. If they click over to your guest post, don’t serve them up some watered-down version of yourself.

Sound good? Want to write a guest post? Want to host a guest post? You know I have some opinions on going about doing that, too. Hang on as the insufferable know-it-allity continues.

Read some solid multi-author blogs and figure out why exactly they are working. Sometimes I hate it when I am looking for a set of instructions to do XYZ and that list includes something as boring and passive as reading. Gaaaaaah. But it’s true that by taking a step back and looking objectively at blogs that aren’t authored by one specific blogger (Kidz Showz and The Official How-To Blog, I’m looking in your direction), aspiring guest bloggers and host blogs can learn a lot about writing in a place that isn’t necessarily their own cozy corner of the Intertron. Multi-author blogs thrive on collaboration and the strength of their many moving parts. They have to have a strong sense of purpose and a clear objective to have any kind of resonance among the blogging community. Figure out what’s working for them and adapt it to your own situation. Even consider contributing to them if you think your work fits in.

Make sure you know the host blogger before you solicit a guest post to them. My friend Jells of I’ll Sleep When They’re Grown recently posted about random companies contacting her to guest post on her family blog. Anyone who is familiar with Jells knows that her writing is fantastic because it is almost exclusively about the everyday occurrences of her and her kids. Her writing breathes because she cares. Her distinctive style is what keeps me coming back. Why would she ever be in need of someone to write filler copy?

Although I know none of you would get all spammy like that (right? Riiiiiiight?), there’s still something to learn: be sure when you pitch an idea for a guest post to a blogger that it fits within the milieu of what they’re doing. Do a quick search to see if they have even run guest spots before. If they haven’t, think long and hard about asking them to host you. Sometimes it does hurt to ask.

Even if you write/host an outstanding piece, don’t expect to get a plethora of new active followers or sell eleventy billion copies of your book. If I have learned anything from the featured post circuit (coughcough humblebrag), it’s that one great blog post will not endear me to the hearts of all readers and writers the world over. The amount of blogs and bloggers is mind-numbing and even though you may get some new followers after hosting or writing a guest post, it is not likely that you will hear from all of them again. But that’s OK. Don’t discredit the subconscious: once someone sees your name and tucks it in the recesses of their mind, they are far more likely to remember you when they see the name of your blog floating around elsewhere. They may click over to you and get to know you better when they see you commenting elsewhere or when someone retweets you.

So, that’s what I think I know about guest blogging. What do you know? Please tell me in the comments.

Listen To Your Ashley

Meet Ashley. You may know her already. Still, say hi.

Hiiiiiiiiii, Ashley.

Ashley is pretty much the best. She writes a blog called Zebra Garden.

ashley1

I had been blogging for two months when I found Ashley. Scrolling through the parenting boards on WordPress, I clicked on a link to a post by a full-term preggo who was singing the praises of her husband. It was her. We would get along.

Ashley has become my Internet bestie, the person I go to when I need moral support not only on all things blogging, but mundane, everyday stuff too. She’s my grown-up pen pal and I love so, so many things about her. One day we’re going to meet in real life and the entire world is going to break out in Handel’s Messiah. Puppies and rainbows will fall from the sky. It will be scary but fun.

Here is a short list of why I love her:

1. She constantly helps me in my writerly endeavors. It is really, really easy to get competitive when you’re trying to make a name for yourself. But Ashley still forwards great opportunities to me – ones that she is also vying for. Her selflessness is admirable. And she looks awesome in a cheerleading uniform. She’s been blogging waaaaaaaay longer than me too and gives me invaluable advice on making sure I turn off the caps lock before I start typing.

2. She takes everything into consideration. Ashley was my right hand woman during Festivus. When Sandy Hook happened right in the middle of Festivus, it made me sick to have ever thought of my silly blogging game. However, Ashley knocked it out of the park with her Festivus wrap-up post. It gave me chills. It still does. Ashley’s tact and awareness shine. She is an incredible member of our blogging community.

3. She makes me giggle snort. She has the bravery to take Peeps down a few pegs. These words just needed to be said. Brave. Simply brave.

4. Her words are mountainous. There are very few things Ashley writes that don’t get me fired up or move me. She gets those words in the right order every single time. Her thoughts on the important things – the really important things – ring true. She will make you care if you don’t already.

5. Her vulnerability gives her strength. Rather than wallow in the not-so-fun things that happens to her, she learns from them. She regularly serves up pwnage of Pinterest and puts it in its place. She lives life proactively and relishes all the fast balls that the world throws her way. She is making a beautiful life for herself and her family.

Tomorrow, Ashley will be taking the stage as part of the Kansas City cast of Listen To Your Mother. I am endlessly proud of her for this and all she does.

Break a leg, Ashley! We love you!

Humor me for a sec.

I just have one little question for you. It’s this:

That was easy, no?

I have never done a poll on the blog before. I evidently thought about doing one, though, because when I went to make the one above I found this one in my poll queue. It was from before C (AKA Bebe) was born. You are more than welcome to answer it, although at this point if you get the answer wrong I will have to give you an F- for the reading comprehension portion of your grade. That will inevitably bring down your score for the entire semester, thus affecting your GPA adversely, and then you can kiss your chances of getting into a fully-accredited university goodbye. I may also cut you. Chose wisely.

Now here’s this. My husband spends a lot of time on Tumblr and he found it and made me happy:

funny-gif-llama-gayThat llama is my spirit animal. So fab.

Hope you’re having a great weekend!

I should probably write a blog.

I have a few extra minutes. I’ll write a blog post.

*Logs into WordPress.*

I should check out Freshly Pressed. It’s been a few days. Anything good? HEY! My blogging friend has been FP’d! I should read what they wrote.

*Reads post. Feels dumb because overlooked it when first saw it in reader several days ago. Writes substantive comment proving that I really did read it and didn’t just check it because it was FP’d.*

OK, so a post. Should I write something serious? Meh, I wrote something serious last time. I don’t want people to think I’m depressed. Am I depressed? I’m a blogger, so I’m probably depressed. Or I have ADD.

Speaking of ADD.

*Checks Twitter. Retweets a bunch of stuff. Remembers that I have unfollowed people for retweeting as much crap as I am retweeting now. Tries to think of a good tweet. Can only say snide things about Caillou. Self loathing commences.*

So, a post. All the unfunny I just spewed on Twitter has cleared the way for the real funny. Should I write about the baby? People seem to like the baby. I like the baby. I probably shouldn’t make fun of her on the blog. That’s a good way to ensure she’ll give me hell in her teenage years. But at least I’m recording her childhood? She won’t be mad that I told everyone about her raisin poops because I also said all those nice things about her. I should just make fun of Facebook. It’s already scarred for life.

*Logs into Facebook. Sees that the blog’s Facebook page gets way more action than personal page. Personal page is the kid with headgear that smells like soup and liked Saved By the Bell before it was ironic and hilarious to do so. Blog page doesn’t know it exists. Personal page wishes it could get to second base with blog page.*

I should really write a post.

Maybe I should read some posts first? The first step to successful writing is successful reading.

*Scans the reader. Reads some posts, all good, as I have excellent subscribing taste. Likes them. Realizes that I should probably comment too or people will think that I’m one of those obnoxious people who only Likes and never reads. Writes magnum opus in the comments section of several blogs. Uses up all eloquence that could have gone to a decent blog post.*

I should respond to all those comments people left on the blog over the weekend. How dare I write a new post while I still have unfinished business! I am lucky to get any comments at all.

*Checks comments. All way thoughtful, all deserving real answers. Responds with Arrested Development references and LOLcats links instead.*

*Glances over at empty glass of water on the side table. Refills it and eats some crackers in the process, in order to nourish self for all the Very Serious Writing that is about to take place.*

Until Klout. How is my score? WHAT. Why is my score going down??? Why do I even care? I haven’t gotten a new perk in almost a month!!!! This website is broken!!!! WHY WHY WHY? Where am I?

*Logs back into Facebook. Messages several people to join Klout because it’s “totally awesome” and because doing so will push up score. BECAUSE THE INTERNET IS THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL THE THINGS. At least I don’t play Farmville?*

*Toggles back to WordPress. My novella-length comments have been answered. But soft, what is this? New followers! Eats more crackers to celebrate. They’re all bots BUT CRACKERS AND FOLLOWERS ARE YES.*

I should check and see if anyone read the post I put on BlogHer. I need to dominate BlogHer. BlogHer needs me.

BlogHer doesn’t need you.

Oh right. Twitter needs me.

*Remembers funny thing husband said that morning. Tweets it and passes it off as one’s own. Wonders if plagiarism counts if the person you copied is your spouse.*

*Waits for stars.*

*Waits for retweets.*

*Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.*

Yeah, I didn’t think it was that funny either. Unfunny husband.

*Glances at clock. Baby has five minutes of nap left. Realizes that no blogging will be done today. Decides to write book. That sounds like a fantastically good idea.*

*Tweets about my upcoming book. Sets up Facebook fan page for novel that has yet to be written. Chooses super-flattering picture of me wearing my smart people glasses for the profile pic.*

The baby’s waking up. What an afternoon well spent. I love blogging.

***

You may have noticed that I linked The Waiting’s Facebook page above. That was my polite way of indicating that you should probably “like” it. Now I’m just straight-up begging. Here it is again. I’m three likes away from 100 and it sure would be nice for me to have something to toast this weekend besides a fulfilling life, my health, a beautiful child, and the utter devotion of the other 97. Because priorities. Please and thank you.

Wee Cee’s Bloggy Birthday Extravaganza!

MamaSheri

MamaSheri’s Blog

Welcome to Wee Cee’s first birthday party, here at YeeHaw Ranch Curly Locks! As C is getting bigger, she is becoming slightly obsessed with animals, so what better locale for her birthday party than a farm! MamaSheri has graciously opened her home to us to celebrate C’s first birthday, and her Angora goats couldn’t be happier. Babies and fluffy aminals go hand-in-hand.

First to arrive at C’s party are little baby Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher and little baby Lisa. They heard that Wee Cee recently outgrew her own sailor dress and decided to don their nautical garb to her first birthday party. The marine contingent must be properly represented at any and all children’s birthday parties.

Rutabaga

Rutabaga

A Gripping Life

A Gripping Life

Sporadically blogging but with a vengeance is C’s future father-in-law, Ande from & Squatch Makes Three. He must be on Spring Break because he was able to make an appearance at C’s shindig. Squatch (Cee’s future spouse) is still just a glimmer in his eye. Or maybe in his tooth? Keep the goats away from Ande’s chompers.

& Squatch Makes Three

& Squatch Makes Three

C’s future husband Squatch also sends his regards.

squatch bday

& Squatch Makes Three
Alternate caption: Why I love the Internet

Here’s Doodle! What a happy guy! He cannot contain his enthusiasm and wishes “ABC” a big “happy birthday” with gusto!

Stay at Home Trauma

Stay at Home Trauma

The magic of the Internet has also brought C’s Auntie Tracy here too! A sweet face – it runs in the family.

Baby Tracy

Baby Tracy

DSC08274

Wee Cee, 25ish years later

“Family resemblance” isn’t a strong enough phrase.

A couple minutes into the festivities and baby Ashley has already gotten a little too up close and personal with the goats. Into the bath she goes.

Zebra Garden

Zebra Garden

This party would not be the same without Baby Weebles and Wee Clown. Wee Cee’s birthday bash will go down in history as the place where these two WordPress icons met for the first time. Here they are next to the pony rides spouting genius and plotting their total Internet takeover. And crapping their pants. Awwwwww.

baby pic combine 1

It’s love at first sight. (L-Fear No Weebles, R-A Clown on Fire)

Winning the award for “furthest traveled to get to a first birthday party” is Lazy Laura Maisey and Pixie Girl! They have donned their cutest little frocks and sailed across the pond from the UK to celebrate with us! Hurrah! Tea and crumpets!

baby pic combine 2

ADORBS! (L-Exploring Pixie, R-Lazy Laura Maisey and her bro, sporting the most awesome pants of all time)

Actually, I take that back. Twindaddy and Baby C have joined us from a galaxy far, far away. Incidentally, Miss C’s first word is “Va-dow.” Teaching them well and all.

Stuph Blog

Stuph Blog

Time for presents!

DSC08533

Presents are kinda fun. Just slightly.

Baby Sara is extremely willing to help C open her gifts, should she need any assistance.

Life in These Times

Life in These Times

Tamara has brought along her sweet girl who highly recommends this groovy floor mat.

Mockingbird, Don't

Mockingbird, Don’t

Arthur from Cupcakes and Hoodies is passing along some awesome rings and board books!

Cupcakes and Hoodies

Cupcakes and Hoodies

Heather of Becoming Cliche has brought along her entire brood! They are giving Wee Cee her very first tortoise and a copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.
In other words, they are giving her the most awesome gifts anyone could ask for.

baby pic combo 4

Becoming Cliche (clockwise from top: Mama Heather, Girl Child, Squish, and the Padawan

Kortney knows a girl’s heart as and brought Wee Cee some totally rad ’80′s costume jewelry (and a business card for the hairstylist who will equip C with an awesome mullet of her own once she gets some hair.)

Kortney knows a girl's heart as and brought Wee Cee some totally rad '80's costume jewelry (and a business card for the hairstylist who will equip C with an awesome mullet of her own once she gets some hair.)

Stay At Home Trauma

No birthday party would be complete without a few games. Because Lyssa is an expert on all things Halloween, she has come to the party equipped with a few pumpkins for carving. I have no idea where she got them in the middle of spring, but I’m not asking any questions because she may sick her fiance Shirtless Ryan Gosling on me if I do, and he will blind us all with his abs.

Lyssapants

Psychobabble

Lily in Canada

Lily in Canada

After the Easter Birthday Pumpkin Carving extravaganza, let’s all go swimming with Lily! This is a rare moment in her childhood when she is swimming instead of doing TV-viewing research for her future blog Kidz Showz. Tim takes his future commitment to Kidz Showz far more seriously and has opted to stay home from the festivities so he can watch a GI Joe marathon.

Now, where are my manners? We’ve all been at the party for some time now and I haven’t even offered you any refreshments. Assuming that you don’t want to eat goat food and the shards of pumpkin left over from carving jack-o-lanterns, I had better whip something up.

Cake time!

DSC08599

C’s cake was pretty much the most delicious thing EVA.

Logan will assist Wee Cee in blowing out the candles if she needs some assistance.

logan

Thoughts and Musings

Leading the singing of The Birthday Song are Curly Carly and Wee Cee’s Auntie Cameron (AKA Krug the Thinker) and Uncle Martin. They are her main contenders at the party in toothache-inducing cuteness.

Curly Carly

Curly Carly

Krug the Thinker

Krug the Thinker

baby pic combo 3

Southern Fried in Vegas

However, man cannot live on cake alone. Oh no. That’s why we invited the Head Chicken of Southern Fried Chicken in Vegas and Gummy to the party. Both are well-aware that baby birthday parties have a tendency to wear on the nerves of grownups (it’s intuition), so they have brought along a few adult beverages for all the adult handlers who are accompanying their kiddos to the party.

With all this alcohol and cake consumption activity, everyone is starting to get tired. The best part about baby birthday parties is that there are naptimes built in. Let’s all settle in and let Kristin’s Grandpa tell us a story before we hit the hay. (Literal hay, since we’re on a farm and all.)

Thoughts and Musings

Thoughts and Musings

The Bean is ZONKED out.

Life in These Times

Life in These Times

We can’t say so much for baby Ruby Tuesday. She doesn’t want to miss any of the action.

Ruby Tuesday

I Was Just Thinking

Awake from her nap and raring to go, Amy refuels on cake an goat face time. She also wonders about the identity of the topless outtie behind her.

The Bumble Files

The Bumble Files

Amy from Lucy’s Football seems to be petering out. Did someone give her raisins? For shame.

Lucy's Football

Lucy’s Football

And now that the party is almost over, it’s time for some goody bags. Well, only one, because kids = expensive. You didn’t think I forgot about the giveaway, did you? Congratulations to Mamasheri for winning an assortment of North Carolina-made goodies! Hurrah for free stuff! The fates were in her favor when she was randomly selected to win blueberry jam, honey soap, and pumpkin barbeque sauce from Nephew’s BBQ Sauce and Rub Company! I mean, she DID put up with a bunch of babies all day. Major, MAJOR shout-outs to Ashley, Heather, and Laura too for the goodies y’all sent us via snail mail. They made C’s special day all the more wonderful, and we both truly appreciate them.

DSC08495

Thank you for coming to C’s first blog birthday!

"How old are you?" "I'm ONE!"

“How old are you?”
“I’m ONE!”

Happiness is a small rabibit in your heart.

If someone tells you that that they lived in Asia but didn’t have a few laughs over the proliferation of Engrish there, they are way too serious, and likely also lying. I loved being surrounded by Konglish when I lived in Korea. English deserves to be taken down a few pegs. Once I found this bag laying around our school. I had the smart idea to take a picture of this message on it:

rabibitThere was another caption on the bag that serves my purposes more aptly today. I didn’t take a picture of it, but just trust me that it was there. It said:

Happiness is a small rabibit in your heart.

It stayed with me. Maybe it was just the rhythm of the sentiment or the fact that it made no outward sense, but years later, I remember that sentence.

In the last couple days, there have been several small rabibits in my heart. On Sunday, I was lurking around the corners of WordPress I seldom explore and decided to check out the Recommended Blogs. Behold my surprise when I found my own little blog included in the Recommended Family Blogs section, along rockstar blogs I truly enjoy. Me? Really? This was a small rabibit.

The next day, I randomly submitted the post I wrote on Monday about baby shower gifts to the BlogHer Family section. An hour later, I received an email saying that the post would be featured on the site that day. Wait, what? Sunday’s small rabibit now had a playmate in my heart.

Now, Ashley and Amy are on deck to be Freshly Pressed. My heart is just bursting with small rabibits. Please get them some carrots! Recently I have been struggling with the pertinence of my writing, and more specifically, my blog. What am I trying to do here? What steps should I take to follow my passion and become the writer I want to be? I have been trying to write for content mills over the last couple months, with little success. The desire to see my name in print is not so strong that I can fake caring about breastfeeding pillows and making homemade foot scrubs. However, I am learning that I am apparently doing something correctly by persevering in the writing I’m doing here and just being myself. I have a long way to go, but if those small rabibits can just turn up occasionally, I will be satisfied.

My blog summary on the WordPress Recommended Page says,

Emily moved to Chicago, got married, moved to Korea, moved back to the States, and became a mommy. This is her life.

This is my life. I am so thankful that writing and blogging is a major part of it. I am so glad YOU are a part of it. I am glad that there are people who care about me and B and C and who make time to follow my nonsense here. These are the small rabibits in my heart.

What is your small rabibit?

 

Blogging from North Korea

So, did you hear about the time Dennis Rodman went to North Korea? Yeah, that happened. He’s been dealing with it like a pro too, declaring Kim Jong Un an “awesome” guy and ignoring the flagrant human rights violations the Kim regime has instigated. Rodman tweeted at Psy of “Gangnam Style” fame and mused whether he’d run into him on the streets of Pyongyang. I am crossing my fingers that this was a joke; no matter your opinion of Psy, it’s insulting and it does nothing to improve the image of Americans knowing next to nothing about the goings-on of countries other than their own. It’s basically the equivalent of asking Le Clown if he is a member of the WBC since they are from the same continent. The US State Department is obviously distancing itself from Rodman and his trip to the Hermit Kingdom.

rodmanwire2n-4-web

The most exciting basketball game on record. Source

But wait, it gets better. Now Rodman has accepted a position to train the national North Korean basketball team so that they have a shot at competing in the 2016 Olympics in Brazil. This requires him to live (at least part-time) in the DPRK until the Games. To be sure, it’s somewhat admirable that he’s taking this on. Good for him for wanting to share the love of an exciting sport with people who are ostracized not through any action of their own but because their leadership is more oppressive and isolationist than we can pretend to understand. However, when pressed on whether he condones the human rights offenses of the Kim regime, Rodman claimed ignorance and inferred that his love for “fine ass Asian honeys” was enough to get him to look the other way if indeed they have occurred. Deep stuff.

Rodman panders to the worst type of media that circulates around North Korea. In order to work with the team on a national level, he must put up a respectful demeanor towards the country’s leadership, but to outright condone and praise it makes a mockery of the dire situation in North Korea. Instead of celebrating the innocent people of North Korea, it baits the media to focus its attention on Kim Jong Un’s bizarre, ridiculously secretive behavior. A recent op-ed for CNN by Ellen Kim and Carolyn Dumond summed up Rodman’s trip nicely: “Such sideshows are not in the interest of the North Korean people.”

I am a longtime reader or the blog American In North Korea, which features the photography of Joseph Ferris. Joe has taken multiple trips to North Korea and has been allowed unprecedented liberty to photograph the people and country because he does so respectfully. The purpose of his blog and his trips is not to disseminate more information that would further ostracize the people of North Korea and make the country a veritable freak show. Instead, his photos highlight the small moments that take place there. In those small moments is humanity. The tone of his work has always appealed to me because it has absolutely nothing to do with North Korea’s politics nor its leaders. It is difficult to find media about North Korea that do not place the country’s government front and center, so as I look through Joe’s photography and commentary, I am refreshed to see editorial work of people living their lives rather than staged pictures of military parades and waving dictators. As of yet, his trips and photography are largely limited to the areas in and around Pyongyang where the elite class of party officials live, so his photography does not include images of intense poverty and disease that is rampant throughout the rest of the country. He simply has no access to that, and it is my opinion that more long term harm than good could come out of him pressing his minders to take him to those areas. If he did, his access could be cut off completely and the good work that he’s doing to show the media that North Korea is more than its leadership could be cut short.

The same loosening of Internet restrictions that allowed Dennis Rodman to tweet from North Korea is now going to enable Joe to blog live from North Korea during his upcoming trips there this spring. Unfortunately, the monetary cost of doing this is a lot higher than the ~$30 we pay per month for Internet access here in the United States. If you would like to help Joe reach his goal to blog from North Korea, click here for more information. He is offering some really awesome incentives (other than the resultant photos and blog posts) for helping him out.

The entire Korean peninsula means a lot to me because I made my home in a town outside of Seoul for two years. Only about sixty years have separated the citizens of South and North Korea. They speak the exact same language and have the same traditional diet and dress. The people of North Korea are good. They are not their leaders.

DPRK1

Children of North Korea
Mt. Myohyang, DPRK, North Korea
Courtesy Joseph Ferris

DPRK2

Pyongyang Street Scene, April 2012
100th year birthday celebrations for Kim Il Sung
Courtesy Joseph Ferris

DPRK3

Arirang Mass Games
Pyongyang, DPRK, North Korea
Courtesy Joseph Ferris

Playing Nice in the Blogosphere

Last night I was reading one of my favorite blogs, which I don’t get around to visiting too often because it’s so good that I need to allot at least an hour to just to catch up. With 10,000+ active followers, it’s one of the big blogs where the comments are usually as funny and smart as the posts themselves. The blogger who runs the site admits that although she does profit a bit off the ad revenue that it generates, she has a day job that has nothing to do with the subject she writes about. The blog is mostly for her own fun.

While reading the comments on the latest post, I found one where a commentor complained that the blogger made too big a deal out of the topic of the post. The commentor criticized her (albeit rather politely) for essentially making a mountain out of a molehill when she chose to blog about a specific topic and for using an undue amount of hyperbole. Whether or not the commentor was correct in saying that doesn’t really matter; depending on how you interpret it, she could have been right or wrong. However, the blogger – who does not reply to every comment since doing so would be a full-time job – did come out of the woodwork to defend her words. In the process, though, she pulled out a considerable amount of snark towards the reader, who probably meant no harm at all. What ensued was a comment war of the worst kind where other readers started criticizing the blogger for being too sensitive and hyper-vigilant about the slightest criticism. It was painful to read. Seeing a blogger you like get criticized on her own blog for losing her cool is a lot like being 10 at your best friend’s house and watching her get yelled at by her parents.

Right about now, you’re probably like “Well, what is this blog you’re talking about, Emily?! I want to see too!” To that I reply that it doesn’t really matter. This is only the most recent occurrence I’ve witnessed lately of people dumping all over online writers who are just doing their thing. Hang around the Intertron long enough and you will see it:

It hurts even when a pink bunny says it.

It hurts even when a pink bunny says it.

A self-published author puts his/her book up on Amazon and the reviews are nasty, angrily chastising the author for wasting the reader’s time with their “drivel”.

A writer of a small blog gets trolled for being “too boring” when recounting how she spent the weekend with her family.

A Twitter user takes personal shots at fellow tweeters who gave one too many details on their inane daily activities.

Each time I run across comments online that skewer bloggers who write for free (or nearly free, as self-published writers often give away copies of their e-book free of charge or heavily discounted to drum up readers), it frustrates me. Next time, it could be me who is criticized for minding my own business online and writing a blog that someone takes the wrong way or doesn’t like.

The fact is, it has been me before. Although it rarely happens, I can easily recall the times when I got comments that were hurtful and where strangers personally attacked me for what I said here. To be sure, these comments were never from regular blog visitors. They have always been from people that dropped in to tell me I suck and then never made a reappearance. One of them commented when I was only five days postpartum. I was sleep-deprived, hormonal, and already thinking that I was a horrible human being for not loving motherhood. The commentor didn’t like it when I wrote in one of my pregnancy posts that babies who wear glasses are really cute and that I hope my baby has poor eyesight like me so she could wear glasses. I thought it was an obvious joke, but the commentor certainly didn’t think so because she wrote that she felt sorry for my baby for having me as a mom. I can spot a troll a mile away and she wasn’t one; while most trolls strive to protect their anonymity, this person was a blogger herself who I could track down simply by clicking her Gravatar image which linked to her own URL and email. Would she have said those things if she had known what a horrible day I was having? Was she just shooting her mouth off because she could? Ten months later, I’m sure she probably doesn’t remember what she said, but I certainly do.

I want to take responsibility, though. I could have just as easily gone down to a store and purchased a blank book to write in, but I have chosen to record my thoughts in an online format and then made them available for everyone to read. I have opened the comments. So have many other bloggers, vloggers, tweeters, and Facebook users. We are allowed to say pretty much whatever we want on our blogs, so can we really be all that angry or surprised when someone uses their voice to condemn the quality and substance of our words? I often wonder if I gave up the right to be offended the moment I started blogging.

This is not just an issue of online etiquette, although that does play a part in it. Since I started blogging, it has been my personal policy to not comment elsewhere if I’m incapable of saying anything civil. No one has ever seen a snide comment regarding something they posted on Facebook and said, “Wow, what a valid point. Please tell me more about how stupid I am so that I can change.” I’ve disagreed with things I’ve read, but if I don’t know the blogger, I’m not going to rip the person to shreds. If I do know the blogger and have a constructive relationship with them, then I will respectfully explain why I disagree. The other day I saw a tweet that was meant to be humorous where the tweeter admired a 12-year-old girl who told a boy of the same age to “suck her d*ck”. I came close to asking her how that was remotely funny, but instead I just unfollowed. Obviously, I am not her audience. I love a good joke but that one was not for me. No commentary needed.

But the ubiquitous “unfollow” and “unfriend” sometimes doesn’t pack that whollup. I am a blogger, and I want to be heard. I want to tell people why I disagree or disapprove of what they’re saying. I want to be snide. Kindly backing into the shadows does little to no good when you read something that incites violence or promotes negligence and ignorance. I often wonder, if I really cared about the world I write about, wouldn’t I want to defend it when others pollute it with hate? Wouldn’t I use my words to stand up to these people, rather than just unfollow them? What about the times when they don’t necessarily say something inflammatory but something that’s just dumb? Should I just close the window and walk away?

I will never close the comments to my blog. (And I promise that that has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I wouldn’t even know how if I wanted to. That’s a joke for those of you who were wondering if I was even going to make even a lame attempt at humor today.) I value the opinions of the people I regularly converse with here too much to ever let the meanies or the ill-informed spoil this blogging experience for me. But I do often wonder whether I really did waive my right to be offended the instant I started writing here.

What do you think? By making ourselves “vulnerable” in the Digital Age, are we basically saying we can deal with whatever the people behind those screens throw at us?

General Announcements

Apparently nowadays most schools have morning and afternoon announcements that come on over the school’s own TV channel. I guess this is integral to the professional development of aspiring TV anchors everywhere. All we need are more pundits to talk about everything and nothing all at once on CNN, so the elementary school is the best place to start honing their skillz. When I was a kid not too long ago, we still got our announcements over the PA system. Birthdays were announced, lunch menus were shared, and there were usually some reminders about turning in your Mathathon money. Instead of writing a real post, this one is going to be a bit like those announcements. I’m here, I’m alive, and here’s some stuff that has been going on.

Announcements can be fun.

Announcements can be fun.

1. We’re still on the road. We were supposed to head home from Atlanta to NC this morning, but I felt gross all night long, likely because I’ve eaten a total 100 calories of actually healthy food in the last week. Also, I’m weaning C, so I’m kind of sad about that and the physical as well as emotional strain has been kind of rough the last few days. So this morning when I woke up super early as per the usual and B suggested that we deserve a day of R&R and that we bum around Atlanta and give Wee Cee a break, I was all over that. We don’t indulge ourselves like this as often as we should so I’m enjoying today.

2. Thank you to everyone who participated in Festivus! It was so much fun and it turned out to be so much more than I could have predicted. I’m already thinking about Festivus 2013 and how to make it even more exciting. Let me know if you have any ideas! Major, MAJOR shout-out to Ashley for helping me with it. I could not have done it on my own, and she was an incredible co-hostess.

3. Christmas was fun but exhausting. I have been in a daze since we left a week ago. We’ve all been off our schedules. One night, my mom watched C while we went out with our friends and spent the night alone at my MIL Sidney’s house. This was the first night we’ve spent apart from C since she was born. It was hard; tears were shed on all our parts, but obviously we all survived. It was a necessary step. Snip snip goes the cord.

4. I’ve been thinking a lot about the blog lately and what parts of me I want it to represent in 2013. Since C was born last March, it kind of went off the rails and I’m not totally loving what it’s become. Don’t worry; I am for sure not going to be abandoning it, but sometimes I get tired of trying to be entertaining all the time. As much as I adore my readers and the people I interact with here, sometimes I feel like I allow myself to write what I think y’all want to hear rather than what I want and need to say. I am going to try to be more authentic in 2013. I may not get Freshly Pressed, but success and high stats are things I just don’t really value as much anymore. I’d rather write things that I’ll read back 10 years from now and remember who I was at the time.

4. I wrote a guest post for Kidz Showz! It’s about Gumby Adventures, one of my favorite shows from when I was a kid. Please read it, as it is way more fun and interesting than this post. While you’re there, subscribe to Kidz Showz because it’s written by Lily and Mooselicker which means it’s super funny and probably super politically incorrect, but in a good Louis CKish way.

 

Festivus: The Big Reveal

So it’s Friday. We made it. If you’re reading this right now, the world didn’t end, and for that, we should all celebrate. Of course, there are still several hours left in the day, so I’m not making any promises. But, look on the bright side: either way you have an excuse to get drunk. And I don’t think I’m alone in saying that all of us could use a drink or eight.

For those of us in the US, the world may not have ended, but it is different. When Festivus began, none of us had ever heard of Sandy Hook Elementary School. Now, the name of that school along with the names of the 26 innocents who died there is seared forever into our hearts and minds. Many of us have spent the week airing our grievances over this tragedy, and Emily and I have struggled with how to continue our Festivus celebrations in light of everything that’s happened.

Ultimately we decided that the show must go on because we could all use a reason to smile, and because we want to celebrate that we are a part of such a wonderful, supportive community of bloggers. I speak for both of us when I say that we were absolutely blown away by the thought and effort you guys put into choosing gifts for each other. Some of them were hilarious, others more heartfelt, but each and every one of them was thoughtful in a way that went above and beyond anything we expected when we first started brainstorming this little holiday celebration.

Alright, I can see you all fidgeting in your seats, so we’ll get to the goods already.

christmas-badge

The hints have been dropped, your guesses have been made, and now it’s time to see how wrong you were. Put on your ugly sweaters, have your booze at the ready, and if you would, give me a drum roll, please…

1 Point Perspective received a gift from Liquorstore Bear

25 to Fly received a gift from Meizac

& Squatch Makes Three received a gift from El Guapo

Ambling and Rambling received a gift from The Diary of Mr. Ghost

A Clown on Fire received a gift from I Fkkn Rock

A Flock of Crows received a gift from Lily in Canada

A Gripping Life received a gift from Harper Faulker

A Rich Full Life In Spite of It received a gift from The Bumble Files

Becoming Cliche received a gift from A Clown on Fire

Ben’s Opinion received a gift from A Gripping Life

Broken Condoms received a gift from Brother Jon

Brother Jon received a gift from Shoes on the Wrong Feet

Chez Casa received a gift from The Cheeky Diva

Clip Snark received a gift from Psycho Babble

Creative Liar received a gift from Thoughts and Musings

Disorderly Chickadee received a gift from Unfettered BS

Dork Daddy received a gift from Someone Fat Happened

El Guapo received a gift from You’ve Been Hooked

Excitement on the Side received a gift from Never Contrary

Fear No Weebles received a gift from Healthy Takeover

Harper Faulker received a gift from Just Another Canadian Gurl

Healthy Takeover received a gift from Krug the Thinker

Hello, Greece! received a gift from I’d Rather Be in Iceland

I Fkkn Rokk received a gift from Ruminations on Love and Lunchmeat

I Thought This Would Be Easier received a gift from Excitement on the Side

I’ll Sleep When They’re Grown received a gift from The Middlest Sister

I’d Rather Be in Iceland received a gift from Mooselicker

Jiltaroo received a gift from Wendy’s Works

Just Another Canadian Gurl received a gift from A Rich Full Life in Spite of It

Krug the Thinker received a gift from Broken Condoms

Laments and Lullabies received a gift from I’ll Sleep When They’re Grown

Large Self received a gift from Lazy Laura Maisey

Lazy Laura Maisey received a gift from Becoming Cliche

Life in These Times received a gift from A Flock of Crows

Lily in Canada received a gift from Clip Snark

Liquorstore Bear received a gift from Sips of Jen and Tonic

Meizac received a gift from Summer Solstice Musings

Mooselicker received a gift from Fear No Weebles

Never Contrary received a gift from Life in These Times

Psycho Babble received a gift from Storyteller Girl

Ruminations on Love and Lunchmeat received a gift from Southern Sea Muse

Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher received a gift from Large Self

Snide Reply received a gift from Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher

SJ @ Snobbery received a gift from 25 to Fly

Shoes on the Wrong Feet received a gift from Creative Liar

Sips of Jen and Tonic received a gift from This Heart of Mine

Someone Fat Happened received a gift from I Thought This Would Be Easier

Southern Fried Chicken in Vegas received a gift from Dork Daddy

Southern Sea Muse received a gift from Chez Casa

Speaker7 received a gift from Jiltaroo

Storyteller Girl received a gift from Ben’s Opinion

Summer Solstice Musings received a gift from The Tragic Whale

The Bumble Files received a gift from Woman in the Middle

The Cheeky Diva received a gift from Southern Fried Chicken in Vegas

The Diary of Mr. Ghost received a gift from 1 Point Perspective

The Fur Files received a gift from Speaker 7

The Middlest Sister received a gift from Snide Reply

The Tragic Whale received a gift from Laments and Lullabies

This Heart of Mine received a gift from The Fur Files

Thoughts and Musings received a gift from Disorderly Chickadee

Unfettered BS received a gift from & Squatch Makes Three

Wendy’s Works received a gift from Hello, Greece!

Woman in the Middle received a gift from Ambling and Rambling

You’ve Been Hooked received a gift from SJ @ Snobbery

festivusInstead of performing feats of physical strength–although I know all of us would like to see Le Clown wrestle someone while wearing his Festivus gift–we ask you to flex your muscles elsewhere.

The PTA at the school where Sandy Hook Elementary’s surviving students will now attend is asking for snowflakes. They want to give the kids “A White Christmas” when they return to classes after the New Year, and in order to do that, they need a little help. If you’d like to, and if you can get it there in time, make a snowflake of your own and send it to them.

They need all of the snowflakes by January 12, 2013. You can mail them to this address:

Connecticut PTSA
60 Connolly Pkwy, Building 12, Suite 103
Hamden, CT 06514

Now’s it’s time for the mingling and drunken debauchery to begin! Please see The Middlest Sister for your hot chocolate spiked with Bailey’s and Peppermint Schnapps. Mooselicker will be over in the corner waiting to hit on you once you’re drunk. Guap will provide the music, and Ericka’s new penguin, Dave, will provide the entertainment. And, before the evening is through, we hope you’ll all join us outside to watch Alex Rodriguez get run over by a reindeer car.

A very merry holiday to you and yours, and may all of you have the happiest of New Years!