I have a few extra minutes. I’ll write a blog post.
*Logs into WordPress.*
I should check out Freshly Pressed. It’s been a few days. Anything good? HEY! My blogging friend has been FP’d! I should read what they wrote.
*Reads post. Feels dumb because overlooked it when first saw it in reader several days ago. Writes substantive comment proving that I really did read it and didn’t just check it because it was FP’d.*
OK, so a post. Should I write something serious? Meh, I wrote something serious last time. I don’t want people to think I’m depressed. Am I depressed? I’m a blogger, so I’m probably depressed. Or I have ADD.
Speaking of ADD.
*Checks Twitter. Retweets a bunch of stuff. Remembers that I have unfollowed people for retweeting as much crap as I am retweeting now. Tries to think of a good tweet. Can only say snide things about Caillou. Self loathing commences.*
So, a post. All the unfunny I just spewed on Twitter has cleared the way for the real funny. Should I write about the baby? People seem to like the baby. I like the baby. I probably shouldn’t make fun of her on the blog. That’s a good way to ensure she’ll give me hell in her teenage years. But at least I’m recording her childhood? She won’t be mad that I told everyone about her raisin poops because I also said all those nice things about her. I should just make fun of Facebook. It’s already scarred for life.
*Logs into Facebook. Sees that the blog’s Facebook page gets way more action than personal page. Personal page is the kid with headgear that smells like soup and liked Saved By the Bell before it was ironic and hilarious to do so. Blog page doesn’t know it exists. Personal page wishes it could get to second base with blog page.*
I should really write a post.
Maybe I should read some posts first? The first step to successful writing is successful reading.
*Scans the reader. Reads some posts, all good, as I have excellent subscribing taste. Likes them. Realizes that I should probably comment too or people will think that I’m one of those obnoxious people who only Likes and never reads. Writes magnum opus in the comments section of several blogs. Uses up all eloquence that could have gone to a decent blog post.*
I should respond to all those comments people left on the blog over the weekend. How dare I write a new post while I still have unfinished business! I am lucky to get any comments at all.
*Checks comments. All way thoughtful, all deserving real answers. Responds with Arrested Development references and LOLcats links instead.*
*Glances over at empty glass of water on the side table. Refills it and eats some crackers in the process, in order to nourish self for all the Very Serious Writing that is about to take place.*
Until Klout. How is my score? WHAT. Why is my score going down??? Why do I even care? I haven’t gotten a new perk in almost a month!!!! This website is broken!!!! WHY WHY WHY? Where am I?
*Logs back into Facebook. Messages several people to join Klout because it’s “totally awesome” and because doing so will push up score. BECAUSE THE INTERNET IS THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL THE THINGS. At least I don’t play Farmville?*
*Toggles back to WordPress. My novella-length comments have been answered. But soft, what is this? New followers! Eats more crackers to celebrate. They’re all bots BUT CRACKERS AND FOLLOWERS ARE YES.*
I should check and see if anyone read the post I put on BlogHer. I need to dominate BlogHer. BlogHer needs me.
BlogHer doesn’t need you.
Oh right. Twitter needs me.
*Remembers funny thing husband said that morning. Tweets it and passes it off as one’s own. Wonders if plagiarism counts if the person you copied is your spouse.*
*Waits for stars.*
*Waits for retweets.*
*Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.*
Yeah, I didn’t think it was that funny either. Unfunny husband.
*Glances at clock. Baby has five minutes of nap left. Realizes that no blogging will be done today. Decides to write book. That sounds like a fantastically good idea.*
*Tweets about my upcoming book. Sets up Facebook fan page for novel that has yet to be written. Chooses super-flattering picture of me wearing my smart people glasses for the profile pic.*
The baby’s waking up. What an afternoon well spent. I love blogging.
You may have noticed that I linked The Waiting’s Facebook page above. That was my polite way of indicating that you should probably “like” it. Now I’m just straight-up begging. Here it is again. I’m three likes away from 100 and it sure would be nice for me to have something to toast this weekend besides a fulfilling life, my health, a beautiful child, and the utter devotion of the other 97. Because priorities. Please and thank you.