Bathtime

Tonight I am inspired by my daughter’s little shoulderblades.

B and I have been spelling out B-A-T-H so much that soon it will be a code for nothing and just another way to tell her that it’s Time. We tell her it’s time for a bath and she runs straight to the tub. Even though she doesn’t need to, she bathes every day because why not? Babies know simple pleasures better than anyone else.

I count 1-2-3-4-5 when she stands up in the tub. She’s usually down by 3. It shouldn’t surprise me anymore when she follows my rules, but I’m still awestruck when she does what she’s supposed to do. Watching her learn and retain is miraculous. Once she didn’t even exist. Then she did. Then she was born. Then she started understanding us. Then she started minding us.

Sitting alongside the tub, I like to get right up in her face and examine her profile. With her pacifier out, I can see her lips and appreciate her jaw when it’s not tightened by the constant sucking. She usually splashes me away because I get too close. Sometimes she smiles under the paci and her eyes beam.

She stretches to get to the rubber duck. Her tiny shoulderblades flex back and forth, a motion that illustrates her body working in harmony. I remind myself to change the lightbulb in the bathroom so I can have more light to see her move.

It is her custom to call out DA-DA when she’s done with her bath. He comes in and dries her while I get her toothbrush ready. She sucks out all the toothpaste before any serious brushing occurs. I act annoyed but knowing that those teeth are connected to those shoulderblades diffuses me. She runs buck naked back to her room. She just learned to run so we let her.

The running, the shoulderblades, the beaming eyes: they are all my C.

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Feelin’ Groovy

We had planned to drive to Raleigh today with C to visit the state farmer’s market, but when the temperature plunged and took her temperament down with it, I made the executive mom decision to put off our trip for tomorrow. I was bummed as I stood in the shower and realized that no family fun would be had today, and I braced myself to be let down once again when I announced to B that I would be taking the day off and going out on my own. But to my surprise, he understood my need to go out solo and just double-checked that we had enough peanut butter to sustain the two of them. Peanut butter secured, I kissed them both on the head, put on my cute new shoes my mom bought me when she was in town, and I was off.

First stop: the grocery store. A necessary place I had to go since we have corn tortillas, peanut butter, frozen cod, and an odd potato and not much else. I glazed over and did the shopping in record time since I had to meet up with myself for a date.

Second stop: a cafe I had never been to all by myself. I nestled in with a National Geographic and looked at old pictures of an ancient sequoia as I lingered over my Croque Madame. No diaper bag in tow. No iPad. Just a phone that remained silent. Even if it had rung, I would have had to really think over answering it since it’s rude to talk on your phone when you’re out with someone who needs your attention.

I still had thirty minutes to kill until the big event of my day, so I walked over to the local crunch buffet: the cloth diaper store. Amazing how much I could accomplish there without my wee one. Brand new cover and prefolds were purchased and I didn’t have to say “stop” to a tiny person once. Divinity. I even learned how to strip the diapers I already had from none other than a grownup. A face-to-face encounter. Did I mention how wonderful conversation is?

I walked across the street to an antique store I had been in before C was born. There must be a one-bump quota that must be met at this place at all time because the lady running the place was about to pop. A boy was on his way. I wished her well, alluded to my own little friend, bought some coasters, then called my two pals at home. All was well and the peanut butter was reportedly delicious.

It was finally time to do what I had aimed to do all day: go to the pottery studio and paint Wee Cee a present for her first birthday. The studio smelled like my teenage life: patchouli mixed with incense spiked with the dust of unfinished pottery. I selected a little owl plate and carefully painted it in for my girl. One table over from me sat sixteen-year-old twins with their mom, painting pieces to commemorate their birthday. Their presence was serendipitous. Polite, pensive, kind, grateful. The gentleness they infused into C’s owl won’t burn away when the plate gets fired.

I’m home now. C is napping, B is sitting next to me, and I’m writing a blog on Saturday afternoon, just trying to pin this day down.

Here’s to cold rainy days that have so much more in store than the skies portend. Here’s to dates with ourselves and mornings taken to remember how delightful being alone is. And here’s to coming home to people who love you and find joy in your joy.

Saturdays at Mimi’s

On January 16, 1982, a Mimi was born. A fancy grandmother.

Was Mimi ever not a fancy grandmother? How did she exist before her first grandchild came into the world? Who did she make chocolate pudding with the skin on top for before that day? Who did she talk about at Garden Club and Birthday Club meetings? Who did she smell good for?

She had a life before she was a Mimi. By the time you met her, she had already had her heart broken and shredded. You would later on learn about her little girl who died before her seventh birthday. You’d see Marla’s grave marker with a pleasant patena all over it next to her father’s – the grandfather you never met. A young widow. You would rarely hear Mimi talk about them. Her own childhood was far enough away for her to be a bit more candid. You wish you had listened closer. You listened when she talked about working at Oak Ridge but you didn’t really get the full weight of her job there.

But in 1982, those things were in the past and Mimi was not yet aware of all the heartache that was still to come. But that was OK. She had been too busy preparing her dusty peach castle for your arrival. It was your playground. You didn’t have to be told not to touch the artifacts surrounding you in her house; it was obvious that they were just to be observed and admired. She had married again – a grocery store proprietor – who built her a home at your disposal. You played in the Venus di Milo fountain in her backyard and pulled the paper off her birch tree, even when she told you doing so would kill it. Mimi’s trees were for pulling apart. You slept in the pink guest room which Mimi called The Princess Room, and the nearly inaudible click of the light on the security box in the room lulled you to sleep.

In the fountain

In the fountain

She had a cleaning lady named Cather who prepared her home for your family’s late afternoon summer barbeques. Cather came to Mimi’s funeral and your dad treated her like family, and it wasn’t just because they had both cried that day. Cather would clean while Mimi prepared the food. A platter full of tomatoes, lettuce leaves, and big thick circles of raw, sweet Vidalia onions all piled up on a plate to garnish the burgers. On an outside buffet table – an outside buffet table! – the garnishes went where Mimi deposited them under a tiny mesh umbrella to keep the flies away.

You made a note to use the food umbrellas later for a tent for Barbie.

As the adults skittered around and made the food, you made yourself a beverage. There were several choices at Mimi’s house: Diet Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, and Diet Pepsi. There was also La Croix seltzer water but you learned the first time you tried those things that the bottle was just kidding when it said it was flavored like strawberries. So, Diet Pepsi it was. You took the glass bottle from the kitchen pantry to prepare the drinks in Mimi’s living room bar. The bar, which was set in an alcove and could be closed up with sliding doors, had recessed lighting and glass shelves. It housed an icemaker and Mimi’s collection of swizzle sticks from around the globe. The more swizzle sticks you put in your drink, the better it tasted. That’s just commonsense.

The ones with little Peabody ducks at the end were the most medicinal, so after you made yourself a Diet Pepsi, you returned to the bar with Mimi’s Teddy Ruxpin, which she had acquired for your enjoyment at a silent auction at a Summit Club fundraiser. There was always something wrong with that Teddy Ruxpin. His tape never synched up with his mouth, which required him to go to the doctor, have his tan outer vest removed  and swizzle sticks inserted in all his orifices.

Just as the operation was about to take place, the meal was ready: hamburgers and slaw and potato salad that you likely wouldn’t eat. Mimi only put yellow mustard, onions, and lettuce on her sandwich, an oddity you wrote off as a function of her relative oldness. She was too fancy for ketchup with that word on its bottle.

You mulled over your plan to stay the night. Staying the night at Mimi’s was the best because she let you do what she did. There were no pre-planned child activities for your visits. If you were flying solo then she’d take you down the street to Wendy’s and get a taco salad for dinner. Later, you both got into your jammies, popped a bag of popcorn, and watched The Golden Girls. Mimi would smoke a cigarette or two while you both giggled at the whimsy of Betty White. No matter that you had no idea what was going on. The Golden Girls were the Mimi equivalent of watching Grease at your house: likely too inappropriate for a seven-year-old but oh what the heck.

When the popcorn was dwindling and the night’s episode of Evening Shade wasn’t featuring the funny southern nurse, you retired to your princess room and asked Mimi to read Eloise to you. Eloise was Mimi’s favorite book that she read to you at night that wasn’t Danielle Steel. Not that she read Danielle Steel to you; she had boundaries. Curled up next to you, Mimi would show you New York through the eyes of a precocious six-year-old. Mimi did not manufacture a child sing-song voice as she read. As far as you knew, Eloise spoke with the same tone as a 62-year-old woman, and although the book does not feature a great deal of punctuation, Mimi’s rhythm always slipped a period in. She knew the exact right moments to pause for effect and which exact part you should skip. Hint: it’s the part that involves singing. Mimi didn’t sing much if she knew she would be heard. Church didn’t count because her voice was incorporated among all the other voices. She still went to the early service just to be sure she wouldn’t suffer overexposure.

Out went the light and off Mimi went down the long hall to her room, leaving a lovely smell of cold cream and perfume in her wake. You buried your head in the down pillows and felt like Annie during her first moments at Oliver Warbuck’s home. Mimi really was yours and you wouldn’t have to go through the formality of a feature-length film to know that the safety and security you felt in your fancy Mimi could only be hinted at with the click click of the room monitor.

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How Pandora Made Me Cool It

Parenting is an exercise in giving up. You thought you were in control? Don’t let your relatively easy pregnancy fool you into believing that you were ready for what was coming. The instant that baby comes into the world, you surrender it all. Not just the restful nights when you think you can turn it all off. Nope. Even if the baby is a sleeper, she still keeps you up worrying. Why is she sick? Does she have typhoid? Why isn’t she sick? She should have had at least eleventy billion colds by now. Something’s wrong because she’s well all the time.

Yes, that last thought was one that I have had.

There is a lot of truth to the statement “I was a better parent before I had kids.” Everything you think you won’t do, you do do. And that do do? It rules your life. But I digress. You said you’d never give them snacks with added sugar, but that was before you realize that it’s really hard to find snacks without sugar in them that don’t cost at least 50% more than the regular snacks. You said that you’d make time for your marriage. There would be dates. But where are those dates? It’s hard to get romantic when you think about the extra cost of babysitters.

That giving up is good, though. Take the Great Pandora Debate that’s been going on in our household for the last week or so. I’d make a Pandora’s Box joke but that just seems too easy. So we have Pandora Internet radio. Not the kind you pay for and have the ads removed. When you look down our list of stations when they are sorted by “date added”, you can easily see when C started really getting into music because there’s a break from “Passion Pit” radio to ”Ella Jenkins” radio. ”Schoolhouse Rock” radio. ”Disney” radio. She likes that stuff. Granted, she likes some of our music too, but she likes that kid music better, and that’s OK by me because I only make stations for her that I don’t mind listening to as well. Do yourself a favor and make a Schoolhouse Rock station. You’ll thank me later.

So we listen to the music throughout the day, and sometimes my husband will just switch the music mid-song. Such a habit can be filed among the minutiae of life that one only notices when s/he has settled into a routine with his/her family. Switching the Pandora station without asking is our family’s equivalent of my own father’s annoying penchant for channel surfing during commercial breaks when I was a kid. Both of these habits just annoy me. Let the song play to completion, dangit. It’s going to be hard enough to instill any degree of patience in C since she entered the world at a time when all she needs to do is Google a query when she needs to know something. I can only image how my own ADD would have been exacerbated had I been born 25 years later than I was. The invention of Twitter decimated all the focus I was able to accumulate during the first 29 years of my life.

But I chose my battles. I give up not out of exhaustion but because doing so helps me keep control of perspective. Pro tip: the only thing you need to control in life is your perspective because everything else is gravy. This is for my own good as well as that of my family. The baby is not going to be scarred for life if B cuts off the end of “Do Re Mi.” She will withstand the onslaught of hearing Grimes instead of Raffi. She is completely aware of how much he loves her, and that is something that she will never second guess. Thirty years from now, she may not remember the third verse to “The Wheels On the Bus”, but she will know that her father adores her and has been doing so ever since she was a baby. And that’s what matters.

Grapes, Balls, Colds, and Love

I just had one of those moments. One of those moments that I really, really need these days.

First, some background. I have not been sleeping well. I think the last time I slept all the way through the night without waking was about three weeks ago. Let that sink in a sec: my baby is sleeping better than I am. I guess that’s a good problem to have, but the problems and worries that are keeping me up almost cancel them out. B’s job hunt continues. We thought we had some leads, but they ended up being for naught. We are now about a month and a half away from having to re-sign another contract with his school, and I’m beginning to think that in that period of time he is not going to find another, better job. It makes me so frustrated to think that all the work we’ve both been putting into his applications isn’t going to pan out. It also makes me frustrated to think we likely have another entire year left here. I am impatient. I want to get a move on on this hypothetical life that I’ve imagined for us.

We were all sick today. This is C’s first real cold, and even though she’s handling it with a lot of grace, the fact that B and I don’t feel well makes it hard. Our apartment has been a disaster all day. All I did was pick up after the both of them. Since I praise B so much here I think I am allowed to say today that he is sometimes kind of infuriating to live with. He really doesn’t have the picking-up-after-himself skill set. I asked him yesterday if he could kindly show a little initiative and unload the dishwasher if it’s done running, to which he replied that all I had to do was ask and he would do it. I hate being a taskmaster. It’s such a cliche, but there’s a lot of truth to the statement that the sexiest thing a guy can do is perform some household chores without being asked.

So we’re sick. We’re run down. I’m resigning myself to another year here. I am not looking forward to taking C’s bassinet to Babies ‘R Us tomorrow and trading it in for a discount on a big kid carseat*. I don’t care if she slept *maybe* a total of 10 hours in that thing. It still makes me weepy. We already packed her infant swing away this week. This is more than one mama can handle in the span of a week.

*Which, BTW, never happened.

But then – BUT THEN – she makes me put it all in perspective. I’m sitting on the floor with her and we’re practicing rolling a ball back and forth to each other. That’s it. That’s the story. We’re rolling a ball. It’s meaningful to me that my girl can do this. I roll the ball to her and she gets giddy to grab it and push it back to me.

A few days ago C and I were Skyping with B’s cousin who lives and teaches in Korea. He and his girlfriend at the time moved there when we still had about eight months left in our contracts. B’s cousin doesn’t have kids and really doesn’t want them, but he’s interested in the whole transformation of a person into a parent. He was telling me about his friend who had a kid and was freaking out when the baby ate a grape. The baby ate a grape. And our baby rolled a ball. Woo woo.

The thing is, only two years ago this child didn’t even exist. Now she exists and rolls balls. And gets colds. And evidently wakes up at 1:30AM to talk to her nightlight? They are tight.

So when she eats a grape, you had better be sure I’ll freak out in a good way. That little grape grew on a vine to nourish my little grape, which is all oddly reassuring to yours truly, The Worrier.

Would a C by another other name be as sweet?

…Or some other wrong paraphrase of a poorly-remembered Shakespeare line. This is the post where I write down all the nicknames we have made up for C and regularly refer to her with so I won’t ever forget them. Nicknames sometimes have a short shelf life, but that doesn’t mean they’re not special.

buney

Rainbow Brite would also work.

Bunny

Buney (pronounce BYOO-nee)

Baby

Sweetie

SweetbabyCC

Cee

CC Bunny

Connie Coney

Cuddle Bunny

Cuddle Buney

BB CC

And yes! I still call her Bebe like back in the day when she was still cooking! She will always be my little Bebe.

I don’t get the fixation on rabbits. That just sort of happened without much thought.

We joke that she doesn’t even know her real name. Oh well. She has a lifetime to learn it.

Do you have any pet names that only your family calls you?

Some thoughts for Friday. Because it’s Friday already. I know, I’m shocked too.

This is another installment in the “Emily doesn’t really have a theme to her blog right now but that’s OK” series. In related news, I am enjoying my relaxed hold on blogging. Treating this space more like the diary I originally intended it to be feels right. I am, however, working on a piece on one of my favorite books from when I was a kid. It should be a bit more topical. I’m excited! Really!

So the jobs. B and I have been waffling over whether our decision to quit his job and move this year is still a good idea. And for today, at least, it is. A deal is in the works to sell off our portion of some family real estate. The idea is not to live off the money that we would gain from selling it but instead to put it towards helping B’s mom purchase her home, which we would eventually inherit outright. This is a long term plan and I’m not entirely sure how it fits into our present situation, but it all seems to be related in that even if he can’t find a teaching job for the Fall right away, we would at least have a place to live while he continues to search. All will be OK. I’m learning that. Granted, I’m learning it by waking several times in the night and worrying for good measure. But the panic attacks are few and far between.

I was reading a post that Lisa wrote recently about the new year. She was talking about the things that she wanted to leave behind in 2012. (Side note: I loved 2012 because it was The Year of C but I could do without everything else. The Sandy Hook tragedy alone cancelled out any positive feeling I could have mustered for the year. I’m still sick when I think about it, especially since the NRA is being so predictably horrible in their response.) Anyhoo, Lisa is basically my Blogga Mama and I am going to be sticking by her side as she confronts a host of challenges this year. Her post made me think about the New Years post I wrote at the beginning of last year, and how my values and mindset have changed. As I read it back, I see a pregnant woman who has no idea of all that is coming. I’m glad that 2012 was a year of personal growth for me. I suspect that 2013 will be the same, and while I fear the challenges that are coming, I relish the opportunity to give my family the best of me. I can only become that person by putting myself through the fire and refusing to worry about things that are so transitory.

So if you pray, say one for us. It doesn’t have to be long or ornate. I don’t think God minds if your words aren’t all King Jamesian. There’s one job in particular that I’m thinking specifically about that may or may not make B into the coworker of one of my favorite people on The WordPress. So for the posts that would come out of that situation alone, keep us in your hearts.

The Other Side: Notes on the Ninth Month

A girl with a curl.

A girl with a curl(ish).

Even though we all know that 40 weeks actually equals ten months rather than nine (or at least those of us who have actually been pregnant know this, as that last month is probably the most miserable making us acutely aware of the passage of time), I can’t help but think that Miss C has now been out for roughly the same amount of time that she was in. She’s been in the world for 2012 and 2013, which makes her quite a woman of the world. It’s funny to me how much I groaned and moaned and felt sorry for myself during the more vomit-y moments of my pregnancy. Now that she’s here, I wish I could indulge myself and take a moment to nap or watch TV all day when I’m not feeling my best, but a crawling exploring baby doesn’t really afford me those moments.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

A cabbage leaf makes a good hat.

A cabbage leaf makes a good hat. (As does a tissue box. Bonus points for the reference.)

These last nine months have been rich and scary and wonderful. This small girl has transformed from a wiggling ball of sugar to a person who likes things, who knows me, and who dances and yells when she needs me. She has preferences and is hinting at the possibility of eventually forming opinions. I am so proud. Nothing she does goes unnoticed. I swell with happiness every time she discovers something new.

Little assistance necessary.

Little assistance necessary.

And she’s been discovering a lot. Crawling is passe. Now that she’s mastered it, she’s pulling up all by herself on sofas and coffee tables. She even shows a little bit of indignation when we put her in her scooter chair because she can go faster without its assistance and she knows it. She can feed herself her bottle now. When she reaches her milestones, I often get melancholy, but I like it that she can feed herself at least partially now because it gives me a couple extra moments to meander over my own coffee. Independence is good for everyone.

And words. There are words. Even though she’s unable to say them herself, she knows and responds to “breakfast”, “lunch”, “dinner”, “snack”, “bottle”, “bath”, “change”, “daddy”, “mommy”, “nap time”, “hello”, “goodbye”, and “car ride”. (She also responds to “Gangnam Style” but that doesn’t exactly make me look like the best parent.) B and I will likely start signing with her too, so if you have any experience with baby signs, please let me know in the comments because we need to start somewhere.

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She found all the shells at Bubby’s house.

She literally started waving at us and other people overnight. When we were on the road for Christmas, we always stopped at Panera Bread for lunch because duh, it’s Panera and it’s the best EVER. Every time we went in, she waved at everyone and smiled and often squealed. I have no idea how she acquired the waving skill because it’s not something B or I really showed her how to do, so I guess it’s instinctual. Is it lame that I think she’s a genius whenever she waves at us and others? I think she’s a genius most of the time not because I’m overly doting but because I just can’t believe I CREATED this girl. It is amazing to me that at one point she didn’t exist and now she does. And not only does she exist, but she exists well and she is achieving things. Gah.

Strangers and extra activities are kind of a scary thing with her right now. We worked really hard to get her in a routine that she could depend on and to give her safety and security in her interactions, so it was only a matter of time until a deviation from those routines would scare her a little or at least put her in a tizzy. When we left her for an overnight visit with my mom while we were in Memphis, she had a hard time adjusting for the first couple hours (as did we). But eventually she realized that she was safe and loved so she relaxed. She is surrounded by people who love her and she knows it.

Taken approximately 11 1/2 hours into Christmas. It was a long day but she (and Grammy) were good sports.

Taken approximately 11 1/2 hours into Christmas. It was a long day but she (and Grammy) were good sports.

I wrote about her dancing a few posts back, but dancing and swaying are a big enough thing for her that it’s worth repeating. She loves music and tempo and sways to the beat even when I’m doing something rhythmic like using the electric mixer or hammering a nail. I am planning on doing a post soon about some of the music she likes, which I think will offer an interesting postscript to the posts I wrote during my pregnancy about the music I imagined playing for her. I’m also contemplating putting up a video of her on the blog. I’ve been hesitant to do so in the past because I’m trying to define boundaries about what I will and won’t share here. Any thoughts (especially from the mommy bloggers) are, as always, appreciated.

So nine months. Three more and then she’s practically in college. I’m holding on. Happy nine months on this crazy planet, sweet girl.

We are the goodest.

We are the goodest.

Over the Meadow and Through the Woods

Alternate title – Well, This Should Be Fun: The Christmas Edition

Ashley will be hosting the big Festivus for the ‘Pressed of Us finale here on Friday because I will be a bit indisposed. B and I are gluttons for punishment and we have decided to make the trek home to Memphis for Christmas. In the car. With the baby. The crawling baby.

Now, you will recall that we have done this before. And you will recall that it wasn’t that bad. Scratch that; it wasn’t bad at all. At the time, our Wee Cee was twelve weeks old when we went from our home in North Carolina to Florida to Tennessee and back to North Carolina once again. She slept a lot and was content as long as one of our faces was visible to her when she was awake. She was still on a 100% liquid diet and had like two toys that she was attached to.

Oh, how things have changed.

C is basically a human now which means that she needs to be entertained and she insists on eating real, spillable food and (ugh) moving around. And for some strange reason, staring into her little mirror that we have facing her car seat just doesn’t hold her fascination like it used to. I KNOW. What can I say? She’s no narcissist.

This is what we like to see.

This is what we like to see.

But we’re going, and believe it or not, it’s worth all the toil because I’m looking forward to seeing our family and FINALLY introducing her to besfrinn Cameron, who is also making the trip from SoCal to Memphis.

I am compiling a plan to make all this unmiserable (who am I kidding? it’s not going to be fun, so I’m just shooting for not miserable), and  it does not involve plying the baby or myself with Nyquil. Snacks are integral to making this worth it. I kind of hate myself for becoming that parent who just stuffs her child’s face when the going gets rough, but I’m just writing off all the rice treats and tiny apple slices she’ll be getting as extra practice for her fine motor skills. Also, coffee. The good, expensive, flou-frou kind. Not for her. For us! I’m pretty sure that the promise of the good stuff will jet us through the day.

Ever since we decided to make the leap and just go on our Christmas trip, I’ve known that her sleep schedule is going to get really out of whack the instant we pull out of our driveway. At the ends of our driving days, we’ll just let her stay up a bit just so she can get her crawl on. I’ve made my peace with that. She’ll eventually return to her amazingly restful self – fingers crossed, knocking on wood, rain dance performed.

So Internet, I’m coming to you once again asking for any real* tips you might have for traveling with crawlers. I will accept them with open arms.

*Yeah, just so you know, the whole “give them a shot of whiskey” comment has run its course and I hereby ban it. If you want to be funny, come up with something original. Look at me, being all dictatorial. 

A Plea To Young Parents

I am knee-deep in presents today. I’m laying them all out nice and neatly under our Festivus pole for the big exchange on Friday. So today my practically-Aunt Ellen (she’s actually besfrinn Cameron’s aunt but who’s splitting hairs?) is here to entertain you with a little holiday PSA. Enjoy and I’ll see you Friday! -Emily

Once again it is the festive time of the year. There will be conviviality. There will be good cheer. For the health and well-being not only of yourselves, the parents, but for the safety of your young ones—Please Do Not Drink and Drive. The consequences of doing so could be severe and everlasting.

I myself have followed this wise maxim for years. It is only recently, however, that I have discovered an excellent unintended consequence of a strict adherence to this regime. My children are older now, and they often have to be ferried to and from various events at later and later times of day—or I suppose I should say night. And guess what? I don’t have to do said ferrying because I don’t drink and drive.

Herewith I offer for your delectation some real life examples. Quaff your preferred alcoholic beverage as you peruse.

Situation #1

Time: sometime after 6 pm

Son: Mom, may I spend the night with Andrew?

Mom: Sure! His mom will have to pick you up, though. I’ve had a glass of wine, and Daddy isn’t home yet.

Son: OK.

This exchange exemplifies with laser-like precision how this premise operates in the field.

Situation #2

Time: sometime after 6 pm

Daughter: Mommy, will you take me and Zoe (sic) to the store for ice cream?

Mommy: Nope. I just got through having a glass of wine with dinner. Maybe tomorrow.

Daughter: Rats! Okaay…

This episode earns double points as  children were saved from their unhealthy snack urges!

Situation #3

Time: Approximately 6 pm

Mom: Son, what time will the wrestling match end?

Son: I dunno. Around 8.45 or 9 pm, I am guessing.

Mom: Well, you’ll need to find your own ride home unless you want to wait for Daddy to get out of his meeting. I’ll be putting your sister to bed, and I know I will be having a glass of wine then.

Score triple points for this encounter. Maternal bedtime duties remain sacrosanct while affording an adolescent the opportunity to take responsibility for his own life!

Free at last! Free at last! After all those long years of mommy taxi duties, I am free at last!

I promise this approach can work for you too. It will not be effective, however, to suddenly develop this good driving habit when your child reaches the cynical age of 9 or 10. No. It must be drilled into him from a very early age that Mommy (Sorry, dads. You’re on your own) does not drink and drive. This way your calm statement that you cannot drive them to or fro will be accepted as calmly as it was stated. For so many reasons, I urge you now not to drink and drive.

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About Ellen: Ellen is a total bookworm and bibliophile completing her first semester of library school in the great state of North Carolina. If you live in or near NC, please check out the North Carolina Literary Map which has all kinds of links and info all about the literary life of the state. For those of you wondering whether you can trust the advice she offers in this blog post, it is based on 21 years and counting in the trenches!