Tag Archives: le clown

A PSA, only 100x better and with prizes.

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So, unless you have been living under a rock (and it’s OK if you have because that sounds kind of cozy and the rent is for sure cheaper than it would be if you lived in a real apartment), we are all gearing up for Movember!

Today, Le Clown is outlining all the plans he’s laid for this More Than A Fundraiser. They may or may not involve prizes for participants.

Michael, look at Second Lunch banner!

OK, I won’t beat around the bush. They do involve prizes. I won’t be coy about it. And I’m providing one of them.

I write a lot of things. I write about beer cans in my lunch bag. I write about call girls in Korea. I write about how I made a baby, popped her out, and am now trying to raise her to hate Betty Draper as fervently as I do. Priorities.

But what I really want to write about is YOU! That’s why three people who donate to the US Bloggers for Movember team page will get posts written ALL about them! And I’m not talking about dinky 150 word posts (unless that’s you’re kind of thing). You get to choose the photos I include too. I won’t call you out if they are of you 10 years and 30 pounds ago. Your secret’s safe with me.

The winners will be chosen at random at the end of Movember. Here’s more! You don’t even have to be a blogger for me to write about you! In fact, I think we’d all like to hear about a normal person for a change.

So please, Like us on Facebook and donate to this great cause. Let’s be honest, working towards a cure for prostate cancer is way better than having a blog post written about you.

But not by much.

On an unrelated note, I was out walking with C the other day, and what did we find? A real coffee shop just opened within walking distance of our apartment! This is such a big deal that I had to tell you. A non sequitur, yes, but when I think of prizes, my mind immediately goes to coffee. It’s a trained response.

Let’s have some fun.

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I had planned on publishing this post on Friday, but I’m too excited to get started with it. May the games begin! 

We’re all friends here, right? Right. So what do you do when you have a group of friends that you want to bond with? You all go to Walmart and photograph each other wearing muumuus! No? OK, maybe that’s just me and my imaginary friends.

What people really do when they have a group of people they’ve bonded with is sit around and decide what celebrities would play them all in a movie about their friendship. It’s always fun to see who you would pick for yourself and who your friends would pick for you. “Fun,” however, does not necessarily mean “flattering.” When I worked at the restaurant in Chicago, my coworkers chose Ricki Lake to play me in the movie of our restaurant. I was less than flattered.

Wow, guys, THANKS. Source

Another time, a friend of mine told me that I reminded him of Liz Lemon. Aside from the fact that Liz Lemon is a fictional character who technically couldn’t play me in a movie because she’s too busy eating hotdogs, that was an improvement on Ricki Lake.

A picture is worth a thousand meatball subs. Source

I like to think that in a movie of my life, Audrey Tatou would dramatize me. This is perhaps my most delusional fantasy of my adult life. My most delusional fantasy of my childhood was getting to be the bassist in the Show-Biz Pizza band, but this is realistic compared to me being a beautiful quirky French-speaking waif.

Amelie=Emily Source

The thing about these three celebrities is that people who really know me and have met me in the flesh chose them for me. When given the uncensored version of me, these are the celebs they came up with. Here in Jonesville*, my personna is highly censored. You get the Emily I want you to get. Do I really look like my Gravatar image? Um, kinda? You will have to ask Le Clown what I really look and sound like since he’s the only blogger I’ve ever spoken to face-to-face, via Skype.

*I HATE the term “blogosphere” with unbridled ire, so I have renamed it Jonesville for lack of better terms. I am still accepting submissions for a better name, but good luck with that.

So let’s have some fun. Let’s put these personnas we’ve crafted to good use and cast Blogging: The Movie. In the comments, indicate that you’re game and we’ll nominate some celebs to play you. (Notice the “we”; I wish I could do this all on my own but I need your help! I would probably just freak out and nominate Daniel Day-Lewis for everyone.) Scan the comments and choose celebrities to play other bloggers you know. Check back on the comments later and see who we all think would make a good fit for you. I am going to enable the thumbs up/ thumbs down thingy, so if you don’t like that someone has suggested that Louie Anderson suits you to a tee, you can push thumbs down 1,000 times.

Also, feel free to fan my ego by telling me that you’ve been thinking I was Audrey Tatou the whole time. I totes don’t mind.

Don’t Make Me Beg

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My blog has been hijacked. This is nothing new. First Miss C hijacked it with her cuteness and now Le Clown has hijacked it with his, erm, well, it’s not cuteness. His magnificence? Yeah, let’s go with that.

Today is the last day of Le Clown’s Blogroll Contest. Le Clown is also Le Marketing Genius. I am just one of many bloggers who has written more than one post this week lauding this Canadian charlatan and why you should check out his blog. The traffic on his blog has been sky high and the comments have been more insane than on a Yahoo! message board. However, unlike Yahoo! you won’t feel like you’ve been lobotomized after you’ve read them. Le Clown hasn’t been Freshly Pressed (yet), but this week he’s undergone what it feels like to have a spotlight on his blog. I’m really happy to be part of the community he’s created. I’ve enjoyed getting to know other bloggers and reading their touching reflections on the contest. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of these reflective essays gets Freshly Pressed itself. People like Le Clown are the pulse of WordPress; he inspires us to bring our A-game forward.

So I have one final plea: please go check out my TRUTH OR DARE comment for today on his blog. All you have to do is click on the little blue writing! I cannot make this easier for you. If you like my entry into the Truth or Dare challenge, just comment “Like” or the equivalent “Emily is a genius” or “Thank God for people like Emily” on it. For your enjoyment, I have also included a Smiths video on my comment, so you have that to look forward to. Or not. What-evs. I’m currently in fifth place so I need your support! Huge buckets of thank-you’s to all of you who have already supported my candidacy on this blogroll of blogrolls this week.

We’ll be back to our regularly-scheduled Miss C funtimes tomorrow. She’s five months old! And tomorrow or Tuesday you will see proof of that!

Happy Sunday!

Babies Aren’t the Only Absurd Things

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Actual conversation that just occurred:

B: Are you playing that Clown blogroll game again?

Me: Dur. YES. I may actually win.

B: Well that sounds like a great use of your time.

Me: This from the person who is tweeting at Zooey Deschanel until she tweets back at you.

Yeah. So that’s what we’re doing at our house today. And the last few days, too. We are an eclectic pair.

But don’t worry. We’re still feeding the baby.

For serious, though, if you haven’t gone over to check out the festivities at A Clown on Fire, I highly recommend that you do. SO DO IT.

Babies Are Absurd

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I was washing the dishes yesterday with Miss C in her little Rock ‘N Play thing next to me, just watching me. And it occurred to me.

Babies are ridiculous. Truly ridiculous.

Pocket-sized counterintuitivness

I think it’s like when you say a word over and over and over, and eventually it sounds like martian-talk. When you think about babies, really think about them, they are absurd. I needed to wash the dishes, but unless I was in her direct line of sight and could entertain her while doing so, she was going to get upset. So there I was, scrubbing the pots, with a person parked next to me. She had nothing else going on. Just looking at me, washing the dishes. She makes those people who play World of Warcraft 24 hours a day look downright industrious. But that’s where the silliness begins; even though she’s just sitting and watching and listening to me make dumb sounds at her, she’s learning more than I did in an entire semester of college.

The lunacy all begins with labor. You have a little person inside of you, but it can’t fit anymore, so you have to push it out. YOU HAVE TO PUSH A PERSON OUT OF YOUR LADY BITS. It’s nightmarish and science-fictioney, but it’s standard protocol. It’s how things work, and that’s absurd to me.

The person comes out, and it’s the shape of a human, but there is nothing remotely human about it. It has a head, two arms, two legs, and a torso, but it has absolutely no control whatsoever over its gelatinous state. If an adult were so schlumpy, it would be paralyzed. But being a 7-pound bag of Nickeldeon Gak is normal for newborn babies.

The silliness just compounds as the baby gets bigger. It throws up about 200 times a day, but this constant regurgitation doesn’t upset it as it would a normal person. No. What does upset it is if you don’t sing “Baby Beluga” for three hours nonstop. Well that makes sense.

All the baby really has going for it for awhile is that it is cute. It’s a good thing too because it can’t go to bathroom by itself, can’t feed itself, can’t talk, and can’t walk. It’s basically a rock that cries. It can’t sit up. I mean, come on. The kid can’t even sit up. It couldn’t even be a greeter at Walmart if it wanted to.

But it’s adored beyond comprehension. Ridiculous amounts of money is spent on it and its parents are obsessed with it. B and I are about to cancel Netflix mostly because we’d rather watch her make silly faces than watch Mad Men, and that’s saying something.

Grandparents may even buy shoes for it. Shoes. Think about that for a second. Miss C can’t even walk, but she has a pair of Toms. I don’t even have a pair of Toms. Miss C has more clothes than my husband has, and I obsess over finding cute new outfits costumes for her to wear, despite the fact that she will grow out of them within four months.

For awhile, the baby eats only one or two things; milk and/or formula. My baby has only ever tasted two things. She’s the equivalent of a sad college student who eats ramen noodles and Kool-Aid everyday and doesn’t even question it because she knows that’s her life. But to her, it never gets old. She still gets the crazy eyes when she sees me lift my shirt or prepare a bottle. Babies get so excited over eating. It’s ludicrous. Sometimes her gums hurt really bad and I give her some cherry flavored suspension gel to ease the pain. HOLY CRAP when she sees me take that stuff out she goes BANANAS. Have you ever looked forward to taking an Advil? Like you wish you had a cramp or a headache so you could whip it out? Probably not, because you’re not an insane baby.

Your life turns upside-down when you have a baby. You will likely have friends who do not envy your new position as a parent at all, but the absurdity is all worth it. My life is a madhouse, but the featured performer makes it all worth it.

******

Thanks to everyone who responded to my post yesterday and went over to Le Clown’s blog to vote for my blog! Honestly, I thought I would *maybe* get two or three people to go over and root for me, but I was astounded by the outpouring of love from your guys. I’m now in third place and up against some SERIOUS competition. (Dude, it’s Le Clown’s blogroll; of course people want on.) If you didn’t vote yesterday, please go check out my entry into today’s Mad Lib challenge. If you like it, simply comment “like” on it. And write your own Mad Lib too! C’mon. All the cool kids are doing it.

Le Clown, Indeed

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Sorry, that was Miss C. She’s a tad annoyed with me this morning because I am more interested in getting on Le Clown’s blogroll than, y’know, washing her diapers. Looks like she’ll be wearing her Up&Up Target brand diapers for a couple more hours, much to the chagrin of Greenpeace. Mama’s got priorities, and making soup in the washing machine is not on the top right now.

That was really gross. Sorry.

Anyhow, Le Clown’s blogroll. I am competing to get on it because being Freshly Pressed twice just isn’t enough. Having a healthy, adorable child isn’t enough. Being married to my best friend isn’t enough. No, apparently I also need the approval of this cheeky Canadian clown:

Again, priorities. As of this morning, I am in second place in the race for one of five open spots on the blogroll for the more mild-mannered alter ego of Le Clown, L’eric. I’m just as surprised as you are.

If you are so inclined to do these sorts of things, please mosey over to the nomination post on A Clown on Fire, find my comment where I nominated myself (I am my own best cheerleader, ha.) and “like” it. Vote for some other cool blogs too. It’s fun!