Just when I thought this year would pass by with no one getting married, one of our friends who we met in Korea got engaged. Whew. I was concerned that I may not have a chance to eat wedding cake until 2013. That is cause for panic.
As great as my own wedding to B was, going to other people’s weddings is always, always better. Your own wedding is almost more stressful than it is worth. People know this, and that’s why you get handed a ton of checks at the reception. You literally have to get paid to go through it all. That would also account for why the checks from married attendees are in $100 increments. They know.
First of all, very few people actually have the opportunity to eat on their wedding day, much less at the reception. My own wedding day was a big ol’ non-eating extravaganza. That morning, my mom and I went out for crepes and I had like two bites of mine because my time was better spent willing potential asteroids away from the Earth on my special day than focusing on breakfast. Later, my mom and my bridesmaids ordered a ton of barbecue from my favorite joint in Memphis for lunch, but I couldn’t choke it down. This really was a shame because if I had just spilled some sauce on my dress, I probably would have relaxed. After the ceremony, we were too busy greeting people at the reception to eat more than like one strawberry and a smashed up piece of cake. So yeah, food and your own wedding don’t mix.
Also, no matter how relaxed and go-with-the-flow you normally are, on your wedding day you are going to feel like you’re in the middle of your period. I have known people who actually got their periods hours before their weddings, and at least they had something to blame their hormonal insanity on. I had nothing but my impending nuptials. The sad thing is that it’s all the other mess that makes you dread the day, not your actual spouse. Way to go, priorities.
The minutiae that causes drama is infuriating. I would much rather be angry about something important that goes wrong than something that doesn’t even matter. How dare my cousin’s boss’s dog’s groomer have the audacity to be offended when she doesn’t get invited to my wedding and starts circulating rumors that I was the one who gave the dog fleas? I’d prefer to be mad about the flowers or the cake or something actually worth my time than this tomfoolery.
The protocol of having a wedding can also be a headache. We live in modern times where (at least in theory) you can wear what you want, pursue any career you choose regardless of your race or sex, and behave like a lunatic on the subway and most people will expect it and not even really mind. Our society gives us a lot of freedom and leeway to behave the way we choose. This is not the case on your wedding day. Weddings are stuck in olden times and things must be done in the exact same way that they are done at Buckingham Palace. For instance, people actually believe that the couple’s firstborn will emerge with three arms if the bride does not carry something blue or if the groom sees her before the ceremony. Nevermind that a woman on her third marriage will likely still wear white on her wedding day. White is tradition.
The best moment of my wedding day was when B and I were pronounced man and wife. By the end of the day, I was starving, tired, and extremely ready to be removed from my binding dress. But I was his wife. All the punishment of the day was totally worth it.