So. A new year. And a big one. Some thoughts.
It seems as though comments on the New Year fall into three categories:
1. You feel the need to say something about it because the previous year was tremendously great. This was my case. 2011 was one of the busiest, most fun years I can remember. I seriously grew. Because so much of my time passes through the halls of boredom, worry, insecurity, and hope that things will get better (this blog is called The Waiting for a reason), it’s nice to FINALLY go through a period of time when things start to pay off.
On the very first morning of 2011, my awesome friend Emily and I got up after a long night out and walked to our favorite bibimbap joint in Jukjeon to eat possibly the best fast food on the peninsula, served up by the most loving and sincere ajumas you will ever meet. I dominated the conversation with the sentiment that 2011 would be The Year. Something just seemed special about it. Actually, no, it didn’t just seem special; I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I needed to get my mindset in gear and make my future worth me. I had finally realized that I couldn’t expect miracles and recognize them as such if I continually worried about my relationship with my husband, the prospect of having a baby, and our finances, among other cumbersome issues.
I was ready to believe it.
It was all in the timing.
All the ingredients were there in 2011 to make it a stressful, worrisome time. However, I told myself I could handle it – and I actually believed myself – and I did.
2. Now, for the opposite. You feel the need to say something about it because the previous year was tremendously horrendous. Exposing the past year for it for what it was – a malicious, horrendous string of incidents that may or may not have been caused by you – declaws it a little. It certainly doesn’t make it go away, but it does help to exercise some sort of dominance over it and see it as what it is: the transient Past.
My feeling is that if you can even reflect on it and recognize that it didn’t kill you, you’ve moved on a lot more than you probably even know. I’ve had times in the past that I now recognize as supremely crappy and outside of myself, and a big part of the reason why I allowed them to dominate every corner of my existence for so long was that I didn’t recognize that doing so was not my only option. But that’s the problem with having a bad year: you can’t just wake up one morning and wish its existence away and then go skipping off into the sunset. You have to wait patiently (decidedly not fun) and customize your very own ways to cope with the trauma of loss, misfortune, or hurt. You have to work it out. Other people can help you, but in the end it’s down to you.
3. You say that the New Year is arbitrary and that you’ll resolve to change something when you feel like it’s necessary, thankyouverymuch. This is usually me. And I’m glad for it. I don’t want things to be amazingly great or supremely horrendous each and every year and feel that I must keep the happy streak going or take drastic measures to improve things. It would be way too much of a shock to my system. No joke; my reaction time to any stress whether it is positive OR negative is massively delayed. Ho-hum is good for me and so is a lack of drama.
And here’s the thing: a lack of drama does not equal boredom, and even if it did, boredom is the original First World Problem. Boredom is a luxury even the wealthiest people on Earth didn’t even know could exist until relatively recently in our history. So I count myself lucky for having occasional spells of ennui that allow me to reflect on all the really catastrophic things that could have happened (yeah, I know, happy thoughts). I know those moments of stillness are going to be few and far between from here on out once the baby arrives, so I’m just grateful that I know that they do indeed exist.
What are your thoughts on making resolutions and turning the New Year? Is it just another day or is it a time when you seriously implement changes? Do you have any big goals for the year?