Internet Abuse

I love blog posts where people list all the crazy search engine terms that lead people to their blogs. Fish just wrote a really good one the other day. I snorted with laughter when I read it. If you are in need of laughy snorts, you should read it too.

For funsies, I decided to channel my inner schizo and search for some random phrases. Here are the first images that came up.

“YOU CAN’T SAY ‘TREE’ IN PUBLIC”:

A tool bar of some sort? Source

A tool bar of some sort?

“ANGRY PAPERCLIP”:

It best watch its mouth. Source

It best watch its mouth. Source

“DANNY DEVITO AND TAYLOR SWIFT DATING”:

Source http://www.wireimage.com/celebrity-pictures/Actors-Danny-DeVito-and-Taylor-Swift-arrive-at-the-Dr-Seuss-The-Lorax/139360633

Now I hate Hollywood. Source

“MY BROTHER IS AN EMU”:

Source http://fog.ccsf.edu/~dcox/EMU/palace.html

What kind of air traffic controller allows a jet to fly so close to a shark? Source

“EACH ALARM HAS A SUBJECT”:

Source http://police.lebnh.net/home/lpd-divisions/communications

I’m bored already. Source

I got a new computer a couple of weeks ago. This is how I am using it. You’re welcome.

47 comments

  1. I’m glad to see you’re putting your computer to good use.

    1. My husband (who bought it for me) feels the same.

  2. twindaddy · · Reply

    This is what the internet is for. Well done.

    1. This and LOLcats pictures.

      1. twindaddy · · Reply

        Don’t forget memes. I heart memes.

        1. ME TOO! I don’t know what I did on the Internet (other than actual work) before the advent of memes.

          1. twindaddy · · Reply

            You know…I can’t remember either. I think I blogged.

  3. That’s some good use of the Google machine

    1. I’m pretty sure this is why Google was invented.

  4. Danny DeVito and Taylor Swift…that’s just wrong.

    1. Eh, at least he probably won’t dump her……oh who am I kidding, of course he would. I mean look at him! Beautiful man

      1. True – a legend in his own mind…

    2. I honestly did not expect to find a picture of them together when I googled them. They seemed like the most unlikely pair ever.

  5. A ‘reverse’ search-term post of sorts. And now this post will bring weird search terms to your blog. It’s like the circle of life. :)

    1. I was thinking the same thing! I have to keep feeding the machine.

  6. Thank heaven I’m not savvy enough to look up search terms. I prefer to stay ignorant, er… I mean, innocent. :)

    1. Innocent is the key word there. Some of them are truly r-rated.

  7. You’ve already read mine about how I had every iteration of feet plus crotch ever. People are gross. And why is the paperclip saying “shitcock”? Why so angry?

    1. I was wondering the same thing. I guess maybe it’s mad that it doesn’t have arms and legs?

  8. Fish Out of Water · · Reply

    Angry paperclip is my new hero.

    1. Isn’t he great

    2. He should be the mascot of the Internet.

  9. What did we do to distract ourselves before the advent of the internet? Time to web search that.

    1. Pick our noses? That must be it.

  10. And somewhere out there a blog is getting typed up right now saying “Who would search for Danny Devito and Taylor Swift dating?” You should try googling your name then different activities. You might get freaked out to see some of the results. Who knows?

    1. Meh. All I got were a bunch of Twitter accounts where people with my name tweeted about the objects in question.

  11. Google is sometimes frightening. Congrats on the new computer. Looks it’s already money well spent!

    1. Oh yeah! I totally agree. Now to put it to some really good use and look at LOLcats.

  12. Oh Google, how I love you

    1. It is my secret lover.

  13. This shows good use of time, or bandwidth, or your new keyboard. Whatever the reason, you have something to show for it!

    1. Good thing I got a new computer that can handle this kind of heavy lifting.

  14. Have NO idea what you wrote about! Mom

    1. That is probably very good thing. xoxo

  15. Shitcock, google is amazing.

    1. Shitcock kind of sounds like a Sherlock Holmes porno.

      1. I would not recommend googling that. Or would I? Dammit, now ima need some brain bleach.

  16. Have you ever played the game in which you try to google two words and get only one search result? It’s an awesome way to spend family holidays.

    1. I should try that! It sounds like a lot of fun!

      1. Let me know if you ‘win.’ I came up with something a long time ago. I think it included ‘paperclip’ but I can’t remember the other word. Probably doesn’t matter as I’m sure there are whole SEO spam-sites full of paperclip this and paperclip that. Angry paperclips…

  17. I don’t know. I think Taylor should give Danny a chance. with her history, why the hell not?

    1. Agreed. Being tied to him would give her a little more credibility, methinks.

  18. Great job, Emily!

  19. The last one is the best. Because it so doesn’t mean anything.

  20. If you didn’t get at least one hit that combined both cats and bacon, your internet may be broken.

  21. shitcock made me lol.
    I think I am 15.

Now you can hold the magic talking stick.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: