Tackiness: The New Horizon

Today we are going to take a little break from the topic of Bebe and address something that has become a major pet peeve in my life, the likes of which have not been matched since I first saw the trend of girls wearing cutoffs that were so short that the pockets were visible below the hemline. Classy, classy. So this is M-A-J-O-R major. There will be shameless fun-making and mockery so hang on and don’t hate me too much. Heh heh, I am pregnant so my likes and dislikes do seem to be more pronounced (Grinch-like smile).

Courtesy Google images

Can someone PLEASE explain to me these car monogram stickers that seem to have popped up on five out of six cars and SUVS while I was in Korea?  Since returning to the States, I’ve only really spent time in Tennessee and North Carolina – by no means the expanse of our great nation – but I have a sneaking suspicion that these high-quality decals are specifically in demand in the southern states. Why? Because I grew up in the south and therefore instinctively recognize that certain je ne se quoi that comprises southern tackiness. If you need something concrete, I think the fact that day-glow car accessories are involved.

Not since the ubiquitous Hawaiian lei dangling from the rearview mirror has there been a car accessory for women that better embodies her attempt to make her personality stand out on her car to all those who could care less. Because she was unable to fill her quota of attention for the day by rocking her neon pink zebra print shirt and by screaming into her phone loud enough while in line behind us at Target, she had to come up with yet another way to make sure we all knew she was there rockin’ out to her awesomeness. Some way mobile. Some way she could reach a wider demographic. Her car!

She wasn’t willing to invite the town over to her home so they could see her monogrammed towels first hand, so she decided to bring the towels to the masses by selecting a bright pink monogram for her car in the ever-classy Curlz font. Southern and genteel as ever, she affixed it to the back of her Durango.

I’ll admit that she could possibly be a mom carting her kids around all day to practices, running errands for her family, doing her best to be an honestly good mom. If she’s going to be in the car all day, she may as well personalize it and make it her own. Whatever. I’ll buy it just for the sake of fairness, although there are a lot of snarky comments I could make at this point about over-scheduled kids and moms who run themselves ragged.

Some people think monogrammed decals are cute. What is this “cute” they speak of? How is a decal adorable and sweet like a puppy? I would conjecture that in order for something to be truly cute, it must meet at least three of these criteria: furry/whiskered (or at least referencing a furry object), miniature, pastel, or babyish. Having lived in Korea, I can assure you that they’ve got a pretty strong handle on the term there:

It is an entire lifestyle in Japan.  Kawaii (cuteness) is perfectly encapsulated by this flippin’ adorable bunny roadblock outside of Tokyo’s Narita Airport:

Courtesy Wikipedia

My qualm is when all these people “personalize” things in the exact same way. When my teenaged nieces’ school switched over to uniforms, they complained that they lost their ability to express themselves, despite the fact that they were basically wearing a kid-mandated uniform to begin with. Can we agree that when we start seeing trends in personalization, they become less personal? We all just want to be like the cool kids, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this, as long as we can admit it and maybe make a little more of an effort to authentically represent ourselves.

Now you can hold the magic talking stick.

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