Gingivitis Friday

Today we awoke to find that we were out of mouthwash, a staple in our home. Possibly because we spent some time in Korea where almost everyone brushes after every single meal, B and I are anal about our teeth (OK, note to self, “anal about your teeth” should not be a thing. Ewww.)

Because we use so much of it, I usually buy the generic brand; frugality is cool, man. This means that I buy it at Target or Walmart nine times out of ten. Normally, we have some backup containers under the sink, along with about ten extra tubes of toothpaste, fifteen extra toothbrushes, several thousand extra yards of floss, and a couple of those tongue scrapers and a dentist-office spritz (for good measure.) But with the baby coming, I have lost focus during my Target visits and neglected to stock up on mouthwash lately. Obsessed with Baby’s First Christmas, I have been straying from the grooming aisles and perusing decorative holiday oven mitts instead.

Followers of this blog, you haven’t missed anything: the baby has not yet been born. I’m just preparing for Christmas 2012. I want Bebe to know the love of the holidays that can only be conveyed in a set of hand towels with smiling gingerbread men on them. Such love is more poignant when Mommy purchases them before Baby’s arrival.

But our teeth suffer. Brushing twice is not enough; we must gargle. I could just go to the store today and pick up some mouthwash, right?

WRONG. For today is Black Friday, that day that divides our country into two warring camps. On one side are the staunch capitalists who take advantage of their tryptophan-induced comas of mid afternoon to rise again late in the evening and stand in line to save ten dollars. There’s a possibility that they’ll trample a Walmart security guard; such is the stuff that holiday traditions are made of. On the other side are the self-described holiday purists, doubtless all drivers of Priuses and subscribers to NPR. Their war cry is that Christmas consumerism has encroached the perimeters of Thanksgiving so much in recent years that soon our national morale will be completely compromised by the lack of Thanksgiving observance. Everything the founding fathers worked towards will be for naught if we don’t eat a giant poultry-based meal with our extended families a month before Christmas, when we will eat a giant poultry-based meal with our extended families.

Black Friday: you love it or you hate it, and people will likely judge you based on your opinion of the day. I know I’m going to unfriend everyone on my Facebook who announced sentiments counter to my own on this extremely pertinent issue. If you can’t blindly judge people based on their consuming habits, then on what valid grounds can you judge them?

I am personally going to sacrifice my teeth to the hoards today and avoid the stores. Perhaps this is because I woke to an email from my aunt wishing us a happy Thanksgiving weekend and then conveying her hope that we weren’t at the local shopping mall early this morning, where gunmen let loose on the premises. No one was harmed, but really? This seems a little excessive, even for the extremely bored people in our town.

I simply don’t want to get involved in the fray (the crowds OR that band). My sarcasm-cloaked ambivalence towards shopping, big box stores, and sentimentality is evidenced in this very post.

Ergo, I will stay home and concoct gargles with baking soda. Frugality triumphs once again.


  1. I am of the virulent consumerism-from-my-couch camp. God bless on-line shopping, all safely squirreled away in my secret hiding places. Actually, we’ve scaled back a lot and try to focus on the meaning of the season, but I do love to get my shop on!

    1. Amen to that! Amazon is too cool for skool :) In the past I don’t know what I would’ve done had online shopping not been a thing.

  2. I had intended to write about black friday, however, you did it so beautifully I must now think of something else to write :)

    1. Awww, you are too nice (*blushing and smiling*). Thank you! That means a lot coming from you :)

  3. I love you:) I would not go to a big box today for all the tea in China (and you know how much I like tea!!) Instead, I think we are going to go exploring in a new neighborhood. Looking at other people’s Christmas decorations is less likely to get you trampled or shot. I think.

    1. Unless you are looking at decorations…..IN HELL!!!! Muahahahahaha!

      I love you too :D

  4. […] and state that we should all boycott black friday sales, however, I was reading the wonderful blog The waiting and she blogged so poetically about Black Friday I simply cannot top it. So go check it […]

  5. True, funny, and like a breath of fresh air that smells strangely like generic brand mouthwash. Thanks for visiting my blog. I’ve really enjoyed yours. Like the Terminator, I’ll be back.

    1. Ah, minty goodness! And economically priced!

      I enjoyed your blog too! Thanks for stopping in.

  6. Fellow bleeding swollen gums, I applaude your staunch commitment to your principles – especially in the face of potential pregnancy gingervitis!

    1. Thank you! Together we will sacrifice our gums for our fear of the crowds.

  7. “I know I’m going to unfriend everyone on my Facebook who announced sentiments counter to my own on this extremely pertinent issue. If you can’t blindly judge people based on their consuming habits, then on what valid grounds can you judge them?”

    Probably the best thing I’ve read all day. And as our lovely cliche says, I’ll be shopping (or not shopping) for Christmas on Amazon Prime this year. WINNING!

    1. My mom is a HUGE fan of Prime and she’s slowly wearing me down to get it. Winning, indeed! (I love that you said that because I think it’s the best contribution Charlie Sheen has made to pop culture since his cameo in Ferris Bueller).

      Thank you for your kind comments :)

  8. I guess this mean we can still be “friends” as you couldn’t pay me to go shopping on Black Friday. I’ve even decided this entire weekend will be a shopping free zone. Mostly, I just hate the overwhelming crowds.

    Great post.

    1. Rumor has it some of the bigger stores really will pay you to go shopping on Black Friday! (Or at least they will in the coming years) But even if you did opt for the shops, you’re in good with me; I’d let it slide ;) Thank you!

  9. I retired from the big-box and can unequivocally tell you I despise the lunacy of Black Friday far more than the garden variety lunacy of any other sale day of shopping. I do not only hate it from a retailer’s perspective, but I abhor it on a shopper’s level as well. For cripe’s sake, is it necessary to ambush me with a shopping cart to save $2 on an appliance which will last you half as long as it $4 price tag suggests?

    1. I just think it’s kind of sad when I hear about people (usually women) who have made Black Friday shopping a part of their family holiday tradition. True, they spend time with family members when they all load up into Aunt Bev’s car and hit Walmart at some silly hour, but once they enter the store they often disregard basic rules of conduct and treat fellow shoppers and employees without basic dignity. I can think of so many other ways to bond with your relatives.

  10. haha! this is funny as hell. shockingly i dont shop online but i see your point. lol im new to this blog stuff so looking at helps a lot lol thanks!

    1. Thank you! I’m still pretty new to blogging, too. I’ll be sure to check out your site. Thanks for stopping by!

  11. […] Gingivitis Friday 11.25.11 […]

  12. Reblogged this on The Waiting and commented:

    Today, I’m reblogging my Black Friday post from last year. The only real changes from my 2011 thoughts are that the baby is now here and instead of mouthwash, we need dishwasher detergent. Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving or just plain Thursday yesterday!

  13. Baking soda rocks. Shopping sucks ~ sounds right to me….

    1. Baking soda keeps revealing its endless uses to me. It’s kind of magical.

      1. YES! It’s actually nice to just rub a little over your hands

  14. I am too busy packing to be judging anyone. As you can see, I’m doing a really good job because you can get so much done by sitting at a laptop. Still I do have to say that moving into a new house has pushed me toward the no-consumerism camp simply because I want to throw all my stuff into the street rather than move it.

    1. I know exactly how you feel. Every time we move, I hold to a “one in, one out” policy for about eight days because I hate packing all our crap up. I’m already dreading moving eventually because now we have all this baby junk.

  15. I never, ever use mouthwash or brush my teeth. (It occurs to me I don’t have teeth; how’s that for adaptation to lifestyle?) But for quite a while I’ve thought about doing a piece on mouthwash’s famous ability to stand in for booze. But I hear that many mouthwashes these days don’t contain a drop of alcohol. At first I was going to find some hobo friends to give me the skinny on which products THEY like, not realizing that you, my fellow blogger, are a mouthwash expert. We should collaborate on a “Mouthwash Cocktails” post. ;)

    1. I am so in. I am already thinking about creme de menthe cocktails. Also, I’m pretty sure our mouthwash has alcohol in it, judging by the fact that it’s so strong it could remove wallpaper.

  16. I go “out” shopping much less than I used to and it doesn’t seem as fun as I remember either. I buy as much online as I can, although would be the first to complain if “real” shops disappeared for browsing in.

    1. Online shopping is one of my favorite things, ever. I love getting packages in the mail and shopping online helps facilitate this. But I’m with you on browsing. It’s relaxing.

  17. Black Friday hurts my feelings. It’s just so awful.

    1. Agreed. I especially feel bad for the part-time Walmart and Target employees who bear the brunt of it.

Now you can hold the magic talking stick.

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