The other day I was thinking about how my life really isn’t all that interesting. There are some bloggers who have 17 kids and appear to be doing something 1000% of the time and therefore center their blogs around their daily activities with very little analysis. I love these blogs because they are like soap operas and are chock full of adventure, but I could never write one like that because here’s my life:
Make coffee. Go to Food Loin. Wait for my kid to get sick so I have something to talk about. Talk about things I actually know very little about in the meantime. The end.
I’m real good at planting myself on the sofa and embellishing my days enough to sorta kinda make interesting words about them. My life is not the bells and whistles you’ll find elsewhere, and quite frankly that’s fine because when real life happens I usually get constipated.
But then I go on vacation for 12 days. Folks, I am now so full of stories that I don’t really know what to do with them. I wish I could just upload a bunch of pictures so I could show you all that happened, but on Day 10, my child’s rope officially ended and she hurtled my camera across the room in a fit of rage and pushed it into its death throes. Now Camera is pretty much over. It’s holding its contents ransom. If any of you normal people who have upgraded to iPhoneography want to donate your old skool cameras to the Help Emily Capture the Soul of Wee Cee Project, feel free to do that (kidding but not really.)
SO. Here are some things that happened while we were on vacay (in addition to the blog redesign; you likey?). All photos are courtesy friends and relatives who took pictures of us and then put them on Facebook. Not me.
Day One: Got upgraded to a mega suite at the Hampton Inn in Atlanta because the Universe knew we had been in a car with a 15-month-old all day. Watched Pawn Stars on cable for four hours in a fit of absolute bliss while Cee slept in her very own separate room. BALLA. Tweeted at Chipotle and told them that while I loved them, they need to put changing tables in their bathrooms. Received nice reply from Chipotle and felt bad for complaining.
Day Two: Arrived in Memphis. B destroyed his mom’s Internet within five minutes of trying to get online, thus sending us both into fits of shock.
Day Three: Randomly met one of my favorite bloggers in Memphis. Saw her message on Facebook, called her, and she was sitting across from me at Starbucks (since I couldn’t use the Internet at home) literally 20 minutes later. I effing love meeting you people.
Day Four: Met up with B’s cousin T and her husband and baby D. Cuteness explosion when the baby cousins finally got to meet each other! Cee celebrated by having diarrhea and her diaper celebrated by not containing it.
Day Five AM: Got some more really cute moth ball outfits for Cee. Am currently soaking them in vinegar to get the smell out but outlook is grim. Am also soaking her sandals in vinegar because her favorite game at Bubby’s house was to take her shoes and dump them in her non-chlorinated baby pool. Her feet smell like a swamp, so that’s fun.
Day Five PM: Pearl in my engagement ring fell out, AKA it was loose so I broke it intentionally so it wouldn’t fall out later on its own and thus make me cry when I couldn’t find it. My Aunt Jaye took me to her friend who is a jeweler to get it fixed after we ate lunch at a restaurant where we had the smarmiest, goofiest waiter of all time. He enjoyed enunciating the words “refresh” and “pilaf” a great deal.
Day Six AM: Disco danced at the Children’s Museum in Memphis.
Day Six PM: Took an afternoon and went to my alma mater to creep around. Relished the smell of the building where most of my undergrad classes were held and where B and I met. Cried a little, as per the theme of this trip. Took pictures. A lot. Sigh.
Days Seven and Eight: Tons of family, tons of cousins, tons of friends, tons of barbecue. Cee does OK but is showing clear signs that her little body cannot contain all the activity.
Day Nine AM: Cee got sick. Like, real sick for the very first time ever. She had never run a fever before but then on the day before we were supposed to start off on our trip home, she woke up burning up and totally dehydrated. She had felt terrible the day before and we couldn’t get her to eat or drink anything so I kind of saw it coming. She was supposed to have her toddler pictures made with our friend Melissa that morning, but instead we had to take her to the doctor and in short, it was the most traumatizing thing for me since we brought her home from the hospital. She bounced back enough for us to leave as scheduled, though, which was good because HAMPTON INN.
Day Ten PM: The camera breaking incident. Her appetite was back and her temperature was down, but Cee’s vacay was declared over. She hurtled the camera across the room. Angry baby. I drank a beer. B went to bed at 8PM wearing a polo shirt and his khakis.
Day Eleven AM+PM Part 1: Hit the road for home. Learned that C was not pleased with our decision to confine her in a carseat for eight hours. There was weeping and gnashing of teeth and exploding diapers and screaming in Starbucks and OMG WHAT HAVE WE DONE.
Day Eleven PM Part 2: I met a VERY FAMOUS BLOGGER! Heather AKA Becoming Cliche broke bread with me and it was as amazing as you would imagine. She gave me a box of Moon Pies. I was so excited that I spat a whole bunch while I talked to her. Heather was thoughtful, funny, and extremely interesting, so much so that this item of our list will be revisited in a real post.
Day Twelve AM+PM: Cee filed papers to be emancipated from me and B. She also nearly choked at the Cracker Barrel. Not even kidding. She got all red in the face and B was like, “Um, something’s wrong” so I stuck my finger down her throat and made her throw up amongst the bric-a-brac and country fixins’. It was bad. I cried again. Parenting is hard sometimes, namely when your child almost passes out in public and you have to save their life.
Day Twelve PM: Home again, home again. Jiggity jig. Cee went to bed at 6:15 after taking a sobby standing up bath, and B and I watched Archer and decided that vacation is not for the weak-hearted and that even though we hate trite sayings that come up a lot at offices, we need a vacation to recover from our vacation.
This sounds a very eventful trip! :)
It so was. I am eventfulled-out.
I love the new look! That sounds like quite the trip! I died when you said Cee filed for emancipation. I seriously have the utmost respect for anyone that can travel with a youngster and live/remain sane enough to tell the tale.
Thanks! I am teetering on the brink of utter lunacy right now. Traveling with a toddler puts hair on your chest.
Poor little Cee. Poor you. I can only assure you that traveling with kids gets easier as they get older. Dare I say even fun? Glad she recovered from her illness. Now go catch up on your sleep!
I am holding you to those words. The whole time I was chanting to myself, “it will get easier, it will get easier.” I still don’t know if I believe it, but I guess parenting is a leap of faith.
I remember once when we took our boys–15 months and 4 years at the time–to Disney World. We had so much stuff to lug around. Strollers, portable crib, diaper bag, snacks, etc. And then there were nap times to think about. And tantrums. As we were on the elevator in our hotel, looking exhausted, a couple with two older kids, maybe 11 and 14, smiled at us and said, “Don’t worry. It will get easier.” And they were right! The kids now pack their own bags. I don’t worry about snacks. I don’t have to bring anything extra. It’s wonderful. :) (Except for that sibling rivalry…)
I dig the new design, and marvel at your 12-day vacation with a toddler. I’ve done two days and needed a month of vacation to recover.
Now we know why Valium was invented.
Wow! You weren’t kidding! You could have like, 15 blog posts about all of this! Hope you’re feeling well rested. :)
Thanks, Lindsay! I am feeling very rested. There is nothing like sleeping in your own bed ;D
There is no possible way to have a vacation with children that doesn’t involve hospitals, illness, choking, or vomiting. Lucky you, you got all of the above. Glad you made it home ok, dear!
Thanks, Jells! I have always heard that kids will never fail to NOT get sick on vacation, and I never believed it was true until now. Murphy’s Law of parenthood, methinks. I earned my stripes on this vacation!
Long trips with children are a mixed bag of goodness, huh?
Well said. I am now slightly prepared for nuclear holocaust.
Very nice new look, Em. I personally cannot believe that you split the trip into two days. My own personal hell is being shut up in a hotel room with young children. I used to trek from winston to memphis all the time with wesley, bailey, and lyle and without hubby. . Mother would always offer to spring for a hotel room, but I declined every time. Best just to speed and get it the hell over with! Knowing of course that at the other end was a cold beer for me and some doting grandparents to wrangle the kids for a while! PS. It is a well known fact that children are more likely to get sick the further you are from your own doctor and insurance system.
Thanks, Ellen! My mom offered to fly us to Memphis and we naively declined, saying that we’d like to have our own car when we got there and that Cee would enjoy the mountain scenery when we drove the TN/NC state line. I cannot even believe how ridiculous that now sounds; she certainly “enjoyed” her ears popping and hurting. I can’t even. Next time, we’ll go on an extended vacation to South of the Border. Only an hour away!
I like flowers.
I like turtles.
And I am in awe that you can take such a long trip with a child… We have a weekend off with ours and need a vacation to recuperate…
I LIKE TOITLES.
Vacationing with a toddler can drive a person to illicit substances. Thank goodness I met some bloggers along the way or I truly would have lost it completely.
Glad you’re back home, safe and sound. Vacations might be worth it, just for the stories, but they’re a lot of work! And glad Cee’s okay!
I am glad too! When it gets really hard, you just have to laugh at how ridiculous it all is. Such is life in general.
I’m glad y’all got back in one piece — but it seems you were able to have a good time despite some of the things that happaned — whew!
We had a great time, despite my grim report! I loved traipsing around my hometown and seeing all the people who really know me ;D Memphis is really a cool place and it’s improved a lot since I moved away nine years ago.
Been there, done that. The reward comes, however, when you’re a grandma and get to sit back and watch all the action instead of having to deal with it. We recently attended a family event in Butte, Montana, and after two full days of my granddaughter being sick the entire time, my daughter has officially renamed the town, “Puke, Montana.” Wonderful weekend…for me, anyway. Love the new blog style, BTW. I might have to copy it!
Life seems to be a little easier when you’re a grandparent, but I think it’s one of those glass half full situations. You definitely have to put in your hours before you get to max and relax with grandkids. ;D Thanks, Willow!
Oh my goodness….there was more shenanigans on the trip home ?? But you survived to tell about it !
Just barely! ;D
Hahaha sooo funny,,,I sooo don’t miss travelling with small ones,,take heart my friend it gets easier when you have a friend for them and they get older!
I am holding you to your words! ;D
Last year was the first time we were brave enough to take a family vacation. Three days was our limit. You are so very brave!
Glad you made it home okay, and I hope you find a new camera soon.
Me too! I think I may actually go to a pawn shop to look for a camera, just to seal my reputation as a classy lady. Those guys on Pawn Stars have inspired me.
Hahahaha! This is the most interesting and hilarious vacation post I have read in ages. I am not at all surprised:) So sorry about the end of the trip! Hope our girl is glad to be back home with her bunny and her favorite toy, the dishwasher:)
She is doing a lot better! She has added about 10 new words to her arsenal in as many days. Life is….better. ;D
1. Love the new look! 2. I would look at your vacation slideshow photos anyday. 3. “Cee celebrated by having diarrhea and her diaper celebrated by not containing it.” I dribbled some chocolate Slim Fast shake out when I read this…which also kind of looked like diarrhea. 4. Welcome back!
Thank you! I am liking the new look too. It does not read “diarrhea” so it’s a winner. I feel like I can talk about poop and vomit a lot more now that my blog has pretty flowers all over it. Life is about balance.
Emily, I had a great time with C. She was cranky because she missed Grammy….that’s what she said to me. :)
It appears that I am still logged in on your computer, Mom O.o
As many have said: the new look is dope, yo.
Your vacation was MAGICAL! I’m so glad Wee Cee is ok. How scary! (We went to Disney on our first huge family trip when I was a kid. Younger Brother was 4. He got a super-high fever and a rash and it wouldn’t go away. One ER trip later: CHICKEN POX. In Florida. Poor kid spent the whole trip in a bathtub of oatmail miserable. I watched cable and ate vending machine food in air conditioning and thought it was just the COOLEST TRIP EVER.)
And I’m so excited about your bloggy meetups! I loved reading Heather’s post about meeting you today and can’t wait to hear your version! (You know, you’re a pretty famous blogger, too!)
(Or oatmeal. What the hell’s oatmail?)
Oatmail sounds like a special mail-order vegan store. One that I would shop at, probably.
This is why you need to write a Remember That Time post!!!! So many good Amy stories that the world needs to hear! What’s Disney without being sick there?
Oh poor parents! I totally know what you mean about needing a vacation from your vacation. When parents say this they are so not kidding!
How did you remember all you did on your vacay? Did you take notes? I can barely remember if I fed my kids dinner the night before, so to be totally out of routine for 12 days and try to rehash it on one post is mighty impressive.
I hope C is feeling better — and that you guys are getting some rest.
I am *blessed* with a mind that is like a faulty steal trap. I have a a penchant for remembering what I ordered at Ruby Tuesday’s nine years ago, but I often don’t remember my child’s social security number. I’m special ;)
Yeah…I have some stories about vacation that involve lots of throw up and lots of stuff squirting out of diapers. You are right that vacation is not for the faint of heart!
I think we are going to hold off on another vacation until she is out of diapers and preferably in college too.
When we drove back from NW Arkansas to Atlanta, a 10 hour drive that took 13, I refused, refused I say, to stop at a hotel and extend the suffering into a second day. Nope. No thank you. Once I was sufficiently broken by fighting, whining, and screaming, I stuffed the kids with all things carbohydrate and relaxed after they passed out and finished the grueling drive through the nothingness of Alabama and West Georgia in peace, until I got home and had to convince two kids to go to bed after a 4-hour “nap” in the car.
Speaking of GA, next time you are overnighting in the ATL we should do coffee. I promise I’m more interesting that Pawn Stars.
Oh. P.S. Me likey the new design.
A lot of people were telling us that we should get up super early and make the drive all in one day, but did we listen? Nooooooooooo. Lesson learned. I think I demonstrated how very green I am at this parenting thing by segmenting the trip up. Never again.
Next time I’m in Atlanta I will for sure hit you up! Meeting bloggers is my favorite thing. Y’all are my people.
Post-kids road trips are less about the journey and more about getting the frak off the road as soon as humanly possible. Sometimes it’s so tempting to speed just to shave 3 minutes off the screaming. I’ve got driving with kids nailed. I do it so much. Leave early in the AM, pack plenty of snacks and bring extra coffee, bring a bag of toys for entertainment (but nothing hard for when it gets thrown into the front seat), stop every two hours for about ten minutes to let the little nuclear reactors blow off steam, and give up all hope for peace.
I can’t handle roadtrips with my own company let along a bebeh. Kudos to you!
I think my love affair with the road is going to be put on hold until the kid can drive herself. It’s bittersweet indeed.
We tried flying with our kids earlier this year. It won’t happen again anytime in the next five years. It was almost as painful as childbirth. Yay for traveling with kiddos! Glad you survived the trip :) And I am glad I found your blog!
I’m glad you found me too! We have to band together as we traverse this land of parenthood or we may not make it out alive. I can only imagine the *joys* of air travel with kiddos. It makes a good kid go bad.
The best blogs in my opinion ARE about nothing really – just the average day in the life. All it takes is one incident out there to trigger a firestorm of thought in my head. And believe me – all I can HANDLE is one incident per day. The best blogs I’ve read are ones that I can relate to – not one with 43 kids….
I have a hard time turning my brain off sometimes too. When that happens, I usually blog about crying babies just to level myself.
Sounds like you had a pretty kickass vacay. It does my heart good to hear this. And meeting you and hugging you was definitely one of the highlights of my vacation. <3
Me too! We will hug again!
Welcome. Home!! Have missed you mighty! Sounds like many of the trips I took with my wee Es and As… wonderful, exhausting, fun, daunting, exciting, exhausting, funny, exhausting… Glad your back!
I’m glad to be back too! I have needed my normal routine like crazy. It’s funny how off-kilter I feel when I am away from home.
hopefully you have your kilt back on now. :-) I for one, am mighty glad to have you back.
Ah brilliant! Brilliant brilliant brilliant. Your child needs a Most Hilarious Child award. Fact.
I’m sure she would wear it with pride. ;D