The other day I was thinking about how my life really isn’t all that interesting. There are some bloggers who have 17 kids and appear to be doing something 1000% of the time and therefore center their blogs around their daily activities with very little analysis. I love these blogs because they are like soap operas and are chock full of adventure, but I could never write one like that because here’s my life:
Make coffee. Go to Food Loin. Wait for my kid to get sick so I have something to talk about. Talk about things I actually know very little about in the meantime. The end.
I’m real good at planting myself on the sofa and embellishing my days enough to sorta kinda make interesting words about them. My life is not the bells and whistles you’ll find elsewhere, and quite frankly that’s fine because when real life happens I usually get constipated.
But then I go on vacation for 12 days. Folks, I am now so full of stories that I don’t really know what to do with them. I wish I could just upload a bunch of pictures so I could show you all that happened, but on Day 10, my child’s rope officially ended and she hurtled my camera across the room in a fit of rage and pushed it into its death throes. Now Camera is pretty much over. It’s holding its contents ransom. If any of you normal people who have upgraded to iPhoneography want to donate your old skool cameras to the Help Emily Capture the Soul of Wee Cee Project, feel free to do that (kidding but not really.)
SO. Here are some things that happened while we were on vacay (in addition to the blog redesign; you likey?). All photos are courtesy friends and relatives who took pictures of us and then put them on Facebook. Not me.
Day One: Got upgraded to a mega suite at the Hampton Inn in Atlanta because the Universe knew we had been in a car with a 15-month-old all day. Watched Pawn Stars on cable for four hours in a fit of absolute bliss while Cee slept in her very own separate room. BALLA. Tweeted at Chipotle and told them that while I loved them, they need to put changing tables in their bathrooms. Received nice reply from Chipotle and felt bad for complaining.
Day Two: Arrived in Memphis. B destroyed his mom’s Internet within five minutes of trying to get online, thus sending us both into fits of shock.
Day Three: Randomly met one of my favorite bloggers in Memphis. Saw her message on Facebook, called her, and she was sitting across from me at Starbucks (since I couldn’t use the Internet at home) literally 20 minutes later. I effing love meeting you people.
Day Four: Met up with B’s cousin T and her husband and baby D. Cuteness explosion when the baby cousins finally got to meet each other! Cee celebrated by having diarrhea and her diaper celebrated by not containing it.
Day Five AM: Got some more really cute moth ball outfits for Cee. Am currently soaking them in vinegar to get the smell out but outlook is grim. Am also soaking her sandals in vinegar because her favorite game at Bubby’s house was to take her shoes and dump them in her non-chlorinated baby pool. Her feet smell like a swamp, so that’s fun.
Day Five PM: Pearl in my engagement ring fell out, AKA it was loose so I broke it intentionally so it wouldn’t fall out later on its own and thus make me cry when I couldn’t find it. My Aunt Jaye took me to her friend who is a jeweler to get it fixed after we ate lunch at a restaurant where we had the smarmiest, goofiest waiter of all time. He enjoyed enunciating the words “refresh” and “pilaf” a great deal.
Day Six AM: Disco danced at the Children’s Museum in Memphis.
Day Six PM: Took an afternoon and went to my alma mater to creep around. Relished the smell of the building where most of my undergrad classes were held and where B and I met. Cried a little, as per the theme of this trip. Took pictures. A lot. Sigh.
Days Seven and Eight: Tons of family, tons of cousins, tons of friends, tons of barbecue. Cee does OK but is showing clear signs that her little body cannot contain all the activity.
Day Nine AM: Cee got sick. Like, real sick for the very first time ever. She had never run a fever before but then on the day before we were supposed to start off on our trip home, she woke up burning up and totally dehydrated. She had felt terrible the day before and we couldn’t get her to eat or drink anything so I kind of saw it coming. She was supposed to have her toddler pictures made with our friend Melissa that morning, but instead we had to take her to the doctor and in short, it was the most traumatizing thing for me since we brought her home from the hospital. She bounced back enough for us to leave as scheduled, though, which was good because HAMPTON INN.
Day Ten PM: The camera breaking incident. Her appetite was back and her temperature was down, but Cee’s vacay was declared over. She hurtled the camera across the room. Angry baby. I drank a beer. B went to bed at 8PM wearing a polo shirt and his khakis.
Day Eleven AM+PM Part 1: Hit the road for home. Learned that C was not pleased with our decision to confine her in a carseat for eight hours. There was weeping and gnashing of teeth and exploding diapers and screaming in Starbucks and OMG WHAT HAVE WE DONE.
Day Eleven PM Part 2: I met a VERY FAMOUS BLOGGER! Heather AKA Becoming Cliche broke bread with me and it was as amazing as you would imagine. She gave me a box of Moon Pies. I was so excited that I spat a whole bunch while I talked to her. Heather was thoughtful, funny, and extremely interesting, so much so that this item of our list will be revisited in a real post.
Day Twelve AM+PM: Cee filed papers to be emancipated from me and B. She also nearly choked at the Cracker Barrel. Not even kidding. She got all red in the face and B was like, “Um, something’s wrong” so I stuck my finger down her throat and made her throw up amongst the bric-a-brac and country fixins’. It was bad. I cried again. Parenting is hard sometimes, namely when your child almost passes out in public and you have to save their life.
Day Twelve PM: Home again, home again. Jiggity jig. Cee went to bed at 6:15 after taking a sobby standing up bath, and B and I watched Archer and decided that vacation is not for the weak-hearted and that even though we hate trite sayings that come up a lot at offices, we need a vacation to recover from our vacation.