And by “fun”, I mean tedium, stress, fear, and general grown-up time.
Those who have been following my blog for awhile know that B and I have been less-than-thrilled with where we live and his job since we moved back from Korea. He is an English instructor at a community college in an economically depressed rural area in the South. His job itself isn’t bad, but he commutes from the bigger town where we live to his work each day. We only have one car, so that limits the possibilities of what I can do with C each day. There is almost no chance of professional mobility in his school. There are some instructors who have been teaching the same thing for 35 years with no raises outside of the ones that make up for inflation.
We want to leave. We want to live in a place where we have options and where we can settle for good. We thought about leaving earlier this year, but with C coming, it was just too much to think about B quitting his job, (hopefully) getting a new one, and moving with our first child who would then be an infant. So we stayed. I think it was a good choice, but still. It’s time to think about next year, again.
It’s not just a matter of quitting and finding a job. B’s school gives him a contract in January for the fall semester, which he must sign or not sign. Here’s the rub: very, very few community colleges post new openings that early in the year, much less hire people. So basically, he has to make the decision to not sign the thing before he even has a new job lined up. This prospect was scary before we had a child, but now it’s even more daunting.
But we’re doing it. We can’t stay here any more. The longer we stay where we are, the harder it’s going to be to move later. Also, we need to move somewhere where there are employment opportunities for me, since we are unable to save any money in our current situation. I’d like to work part time, but any money I’d make from doing that would go directly towards care for C, so living closer to friends and family in Memphis is something we hope for. B is not limiting himself to teaching, since he makes next to peanuts being a instructor. He’s going to look for jobs outside teaching, but I fear that it will be a tremendous waste of time since the economy is so bad and people with experience are not even getting hired. I’m just being realistic here.
This all exhausts me just to think about it. I’ve known it’s been coming for awhile, but this year has flown by so quickly with C that it just occurred to me last week that all this mess is on the horizon. It’s scary to think about moving on without even knowing if he’s going to find a better job, but I guess this is just life.
I have been thinking about writing this post for awhile. Every time I sat down to do it, though, I bummed myself out a lot because I knew I would bum you out too. My posts here tend to be on the lighter side. Also, more and more these days I’m becoming more guarded. This is likely because I have a child now and I’m hesitant to share some of the not-so-fun stuff in our lives simply because it may affect her. I don’t even know how it would affect her, but it’s a fear I have. I simply hate being vulnerable and I don’t want her to be vulnerable too. I hate admitting that things are hard, and I hate asking for help.
But this is my life. Things are not always fun. They are not always easy. I wouldn’t be authentic to myself if I didn’t admit that this was going on. I also wouldn’t be doing any service to myself or my family by leaving stones unturned and avoiding asking for help. I guess that’s the thing about making babies: when you have them, you need to get over yourself and just do what you need to do to give them the best life they can have.
So I just ask you for your thoughts and prayers through all this. And hey, if you know of anything, please don’t be shy in telling us about it. Although I loves me some image macros, I think this is what the Internet is for.