Welcome to this week’s installment of Remember the Time! Since it’s Halloween and we are big fans of logic, this week’s theme is…Halloween. Have at it, kiddos!
The main purpose of Halloween, if you don’t already know, is for parents to show off. So the purpose of today’s post is to fill my smug cup. It’s a thing. Don’t question it.
All parents love their children no matter what they look like, but even the most deluded ones are aware of it when little Dick or Jane pops out and has clearly received a good wholluping by the ugly stick while in utero. This is where Halloween comes in handy. You dress your tot up as a crayon or a box full of kittehs and suddenly the world is swooning at your child who normally garners attention because he looks like Harvey Fierstein. If your self esteem problem is more acute, you make the costume yourself so you can demonstrate that your skills are not limited to making people. It’s really an all-around winning situation. Your kid is adorable for one day in October, and you get to wear unzipped yoga pants until Halloween rolls around the next year.
My mom always made my Halloween costumes when I was a wee one. She was and still is a talented smocker and truly enjoyed fashioning cute costumes for me on Halloween, not because she wanted to shove my cute mug in other peoples’ faces or cover up my massive birthmark that made me look like a recovering leper, but because she actually relished doing it.
Reason Number One Billion why my mom was a saint: she’s not a show-off and was actually motivated by the joy of her hobby and love for her kid. For my first Halloween, she made me a little white dress and then stuck a set of golden wings on the back for my angel costume. (I was an angel because obvious.) For the next five to twelve years, she made me a new Little Red Riding Hood costume each Halloween because I am brand loyal. I wore my cape for the entire month of October without removing it even for mud puddle baths or slumber, and despite the buildup of crud (AKA the patina of childhood) it inevitable acquired, she didn’t make me take it off so she could launder it. Everyone knows that laundry is just something parents do to show off among other parents. No one actually needs clean clothes.
I grew up in this homemade Halloween costume culture, but by the time C was born, it was clear that all my mother’s good intentions to make great costumes for the sake of her child’s innocent smile had been lost on me. I blame Pinterest. That’s the easy thing to do, right? Just blame Pinterest? Yeah, let’s go with that. Pinterest is a handy tool that helps remind us that even when we are doing everything within our power to craft a beautiful childhood for our kids, we still probably could have cooked with more zucchini and glue gunned one more teal pipecleaner to our kids’ Halloween costume. It’s totes fun.
So I decided that I would show off my extensive crafting ability and make C’s Halloween costume. I chose to dress her up as an owl because for some reason owls are really trendy. They are super cute too, but it was the trendy factor that convinced me to hot glue 85 felt feathers to the back of a onesie.
And in all honesty? I think it turned out pretty dang well. I even got my mom’s seal of approval when I posted the pictures of my creation on the blog.
So, in keeping with the long-standing tradition of parents showing their kids off on Halloween, here is the one and only Wee Cee in her Halloween garb for this year. She’s a butterfly, and her costume was super easy to make. Here’s how you can recreate it at home:
1. Locate your partner and make a super cute kid.
2. Purchase a black turtleneck onesie and black pants at the used clothing store. Wash them. (This is one of the few times doing laundry is OK.)
3. Purchase a pair of wings at Target the day after Halloween on clearance because everyone knows that inexpensive Halloween costumes are 1000 times better.
4. Make an antennae headband that child snaps in half and renders useless within five minutes.
Easy peasie. And I didn’t even get out the glue gun. In case you were wondering, my mom approved.
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