Notes on the 18th Week

Ah, the 18th week. Tomorrow we’ll have an ultrasound where we will *hopefully* find out the sex of Bebe, err, Pat.

I’m not getting my hopes up too high, though. Would you if you were given this handout by your office?:

Whatever. I get it. But the practice seems to be equally concerned with other youngsters getting freaked out by the darkness of the room. Obviously, in order for them to make such a stink about it, it must have been a problem in the past. This is my go-to explanation for any strange rule or warning. But like many other strange rules or warnings, these problems could probably be avoided if people just used their noggins once in awhile. Extenuating circumstances exempt, you should be familiar enough with your two-year-old by now to know that A, he’s afraid of the dark, B, it’s going to be dark (and pretty freaky, what with the baby globule hovering around on the monitor) in the ultrasound room so, C, you might want to arrange for him to sit this one out. It shouldn’t have to be printed on a handout. Just sayin’.

Moving on. I have unfortunately been experiencing some of the symptoms typically associated with the first trimester lately. They had been gone for months so I thought I had been getting off easy. But no.

Yesterday I got the full combo: headaches, dizziness, morning sickness, exhaustion, cravings. For some bizarre, ungodly reason, I decided that the day would be made that much better by a visit to Walmart.

What?! I’ve never told you about my *special* relationship with Walmart? Egads! How is it possible that I have been blogging for three months now and have never regaled you with a full explanation of how I deplore Walmart with every shred of my being?! Well, I do. But I can’t just footnote it in a post that is supposed to be about pregnancy. I am going to devote what will likely be a trilogy on my disdain for the Store of Stores in an upcoming segment. Promise.

Anyway, going to Walmart on such a day proved to be more than I could handle, and upon arriving home, I had my very first bona fide upchuck of my pregnancy. What a milestone.

My husband was extremely kind to me all day long (although when I threw up he said, “You know, I haven’t been feeling too well either.” OH REALLY? It must be that baby you’re growing in your belly.) But around dinner time he made a major misstep when he initially denied me my go-to pregnancy craving. The only thing I wanted was Subway, and when I told him that, he responded, “It’s getting kind of late.” (Read: Maybe if you had voiced this whim of yours earlier I would be more inclined to fulfill it.)


You’ve got to be effing kidding me. Seriously? Some men have to hit the store at 1 AM for beef jerky and pickles and don’t think twice about it, but you’re going to make a deal out of me wanting a flippin’ sandwich at 7:30 PM?

Rage entered my swollen bosom and I went medieval on his arse.

And I got my sandwich, thankyouverymuch.


  1. Hahahaha! A trilogy, yes!! I am so sorry you are feeling bad, though! I think you should lie around and watch Arrested Development all day. Or, if you want to talk about your feelings, I know a good “analrapist.” Actually, the world’s FIRST “analrapist.” (A note to other people who may read Emily’s blog and think I am depraved: an analrapist is a combination analyst/therapist. At least, that’s what Tobias Funke says.)

    1. Yes, the business cards were unfortunate.

  2. Ah, I love this! It brings back so many fond (and not so fond) memories of this time last year for me. My hubby once made the mistake of denying me a craving…of course, that was because it really WAS 1 a.m. and we live 30 miles from anywhere. He told me “I wish you’d thought about this like, 6 hours ago while I was in town.”

    Because irrational, moody, HUNGRY pregnant women can anticipate their random, sudden cravings.

    Anyway, I love reading your blog :D

  3. Seriously, you crack me up. Congrats… er something like that… on your first upchuck! I had plenty so I’m happily welcoming you into the club.
    I was furious at my husband the other weekend because he denied me MY craving of a panera cinnamon crunch bagel with cream cheese. The restaurant was on our side of the road AND had a drive through… but no.
    I was livid… and hungry.
    That was all until I found out the reason he COULDN’T stop was because he had to pick my mother (a surprise for my baby shower) up from the airport.
    I forgave him. But you better believe the next week on the way back from our childbirthing class I got my damn bagel.

    1. And I bet it was absolutely delicious! Everything good tastes a million times better when you’re preggo. I think an all-pregnant judges panel on Iron Chef would be the most grateful group of people ever assembled.

  4. I hope all went well at your check up and we will be hearing all about it soon. I also hope you had a happy weekend free of your recent afflications. I wanted to leave you a link to a post I think you might enjoy. My blog friend Red wrote it:

    1. LOVE IT! I’ve read a lot of “things you shouldn’t say to pregnant women” posts and this one was awesome! A lot more realistic than some others.

      I have so much to report back on (all good)! This has been a weekend of many firsts. I’ll get the post up tomorrow.

  5. I retired from the retail abomination, so I look forward to your trilogy (which could likely fill an encyclopedia). As to the contributing factor to your condition, I would have told him his duty (since sympathy morning sickness is certainly not enough torture) is to be the OTHER half, which does the things you cannot, will not or do not want to do, lest he find out precisely what it is YOU can avoid doing.

    Chin up. It does not last forever…despite the horror stories. And I should know ;)

  6. 1. I love your blog as we seem to have the same views on the importance of sandwiches.
    2. My Beloved also insists on whining to me sometimes about what ails him. The last time, I was tempted to throw things at his head. I did not, but I made sure that he was aware of the lack of baby happening in his body. I am quite sure that, if this happens again, he will not be so lucky.
    3. I have awarded you the Liebster Award! Please claim it at my blog!

    1. Wow! How wonderful it is to turn on the ol’ compy this morning and see this! Thank you and I’ll get right on the bestowing of honors :)

Now you can hold the magic talking stick.

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