Red Herrings, Worry, Hope, and Pizza

I have a confession to make.

It’s probably not as interesting as the buildup I’m attempting.

I really wish I could tell you something truly wild, like I’m actually a man.

Now THAT would give this pregnancy blog a whole new provenance, wouldn’t you say?

It would also give B a lot of credibility as a photo editor and Mac Cosmetics a major boost in their sales.

But here’s my confession: on Friday I wrote about quotes – a fairly innocuous topic – when in actuality there is something much more important (to me) going on. Do you ever do that? Act like all is well and nice and boring while something else is eating at you? Muse on something minor in an attempt to make people (or yourself) believe that your life affords you the luxury of such philosophizing? I’m in the habit of wearing my heart on my sleeve as a full-body jumpsuit and letting pretty much everyone within a 2,000 distance know when something’s up. It’s a wonder I didn’t start exploiting Twitter earlier.

On Friday I tried something a little different. For the sake of experimentation, I threw out a red herring and hoped I could trick myself into not worrying too much about what’s really going on. Well, it’s Monday now, I’m apparently still my tell-all self (ah, what no difference a weekend makes), so here goes:

I’m melting down with this whole move-or-don’t-move/ quit-job-or-don’t-quit-job thing. See, not really that interesting. Sorry to disappoint. But this is reality. If you really want me to, though, I’ll do a Google search of “pregnant woman gives birth to hot dog” and post on it. Don’t ever say I didn’t want to please you.

There is something about an uber-pregnant belly and a baby that kicks like a mule that makes you freak out a *wee* bit. It’s now time for B and me to make some definite decisions about our employment plans for later this year. We can’t put it off any longer, and it’s scary as all get-out to quit a job without having another one lined up, especially with a baby on the way. And she’s going to be an awesome baby and deserves everything good we could possibly give her, by the way.

Since B’s a teacher, he can apply for jobs now all freaking day, but even doing so, he won’t know until at least May if he secured any of them. Although my last job was as a teacher, I have a lot of experience in other sectors that I’m more suited for. Since B’s contract isn’t up until June, we couldn’t move until after then, which means that I couldn’t start my active job search and application process until April or May. NEWBORN TIME.

Now, here’s the part where I spin things positively. We DO have some money put away. We DO have family that are supportive and loving and who would help us if we needed it. We DO have Korea, a place where we could go and be gainfully employed if  all else fails. Um, the glass is half-full?

However, I’m massively nervous (yet healthily so), and I was especially high-strung when I was writing my post on Friday. I think it was probably only 600 or so words, and yet it took me hours to get it down because I kept getting distracted.

But one of those distractions was a HAPPY one. Here’s what happened:

I was sitting there, typing, minding my own business and trying really hard to focus and bask in the false luxury of meditating on something far less important than the reality of my life. The phone rings. As is standard protocol, I answered it.

It was B’s aunt P. She was calling to tell me about a job. A good one.

Aunt P is a retired teacher who lives right outside of Memphis, and she had been contacted by an old colleague about an administrative position that has recently become available at the top boy’s prep school in Memphis. She told him that she personally wasn’t interested in it because the commute would be a little too much for her, but that her niece (ie, me) sounded like a great candidate for it (!!!!!!). According to her contact, there will apparently be some faculty openings in the fall as well (READ: a job for B.) This is at a school where people spend their entire careers and actually do good for themselves and for humanity and such.

I couldn’t help but read the news of these jobs as providential. Just the previous night, I had been weeping unconsolably over the fear that just when a baby was coming into our lives, we would be  in complete instability due to a lack of employment. Granted, hormones and pregnancy make things seem a lot worse than they really are, but still, it’s an alarming situation to be in.

But Friday morning, the news of this job – a job that I am extremely qualified for – and an invitation to apply from a top-notch contact falls into my lap. This is the kind of opportunity that I’ve been praying for.

In the past I’ve said some harsh things about my hometown and B’s and my past aversion to living there. To that I now just say that things change a lot when a baby is thrown into the mix of life. We’re slowly learning that we need our family now and have needed them in the past more than we were willing to recognize. We need our old friends because we love them and they love  us. We need stability. B and I are growing up and it’s just not worth it anymore (was it ever?) to place our angst on Memphis. No place is perfect. Especially this hole where we’re living now. But I’m not as forgiving of Fayetteville as I am of other places.

Plus Memphis has a Whole Foods and two – count ’em – TWO decent art museums. And really good pizza.

So I have written a cover letter. I have updated my resume. It has been FedEx’d and will be in the headmaster’s hands tomorrow morning.

I’m praying and meditating on this whole entire Job Thing a lot. Even if B or I don’t get these amazing jobs at this outstanding school in Memphis, we’re still getting the heck out of here. We’ve always worked hard to do everything within our power to up the chances of our creating a life worth living, and with Bebe coming, we are extra motivated. My prayers and thoughts have weight to them and I believe that everyone else’s do, too. So just by reading this, you’ve nudged the world a little.

I’ve been astounded by how supportive the blog community has been of all the things I say and the events in my life. I appreciate your love and support more than you all could possibly know, and you all have a very real presence in my life. Your encouraging words, thoughts, and prayers regarding this issue are not empty whatsoever.

25 comments

  1. Oh, good luck! Pregnancy is a tough time to be faced with tough life decisions. We were trying to sell a house when I was pregnant last time around. Makes the whole ordeal 100 times worse. Hang in there!

    1. Thanks! I will! ;)

  2. You write so beautifully, and your honesty is an inspiration to us all:) Standing with you, hoping with you, praying with you, love.

    1. Thanks…I’ll give you a call soon to let you know where we are. Love you.

  3. As I am sure you will find when you have a kid you start doing all sorts of stuff “for the kid” that you wouldnt normally do. For example in my case before we had our second kid I was a road warrior traveling up to 50% of the time. I liked seeing new places and it actually kept the marriage fresh since I wasn’t home every night to suffer in the mononity. But after our second kid came along it was apparent that me being on the road was going to be a big burden. So I gave up my frequent flyer miles and automatic first class upgrades and took a local job. Am I totally happy? No. But my kids and wife are and sometimes that matters more.

    1. Thanks for your insight! It’s good to know that it always works out in one way, shape, or fashion.

  4. We’re going through similar feelings and situations right now with Squatch. Best of luck to you, and I hope it all works out wonderfully in your favor.

    In fact, I just wrote about something related. Not closely related, but at least second cousins.

    1. I loved your post. It’s really reassuring to know that there are sane, good people who are going through the exact same thing as us :)

      1. I think you’re giving me a little too much credit for “sane.” I’m also glad to know this an issue with other people out there. Or a little disappointed that so many people have to put up with it. I don’t know which yet.

        1. Well, sane is kind of relative ;) You could just as easily substitute “lulu”. At least we’re all in it together. And we’re going to have awesome kiddies :-D

  5. We moved when I was 8 months pregnant with our first. We switched jobs and moved and it was hard, but since it was the right decision it was awesome! You have to do what is best for you! I’m new to your blog so I don’t know about you AT ALL, but there are worse things in life than pumping in the bathroom if you do indeed get the job!

    1. I couldn’t agree more! My life is a laundry list of “first world problems”, and if I’m going to complain about them, I can hopefully continue to recognize them as such.

      Thanks for stopping in and commenting!

  6. Changes always sem to be clumped. This past year, we had our 2nd, my husband changed jobs, and we moved to a new state. You will survive and thrive what comes tomorrow and the next day and the next. Hope you hear back on the job soon.

    1. Kind of like celebrity deaths! Uh oh, was that inappropriate? I guess I should say that I agree with you :) I’m glad to hear that your family is thriving despite the stress. Thanks for the encouragement! ;)

  7. Such a tough time and such big decisions. But what is meant to be will work out. I went through some radical changes while pregnant and as it turns out my life is way better now, don’t have a clue how I survived it. You will too and think of what awesomeness will come!!

    1. I keep trying to remember that these are the murkiest times. We’ve done scarier things before – and that was a long time ago, before we even had any hindsight on life and such. Thanks for your encouragement!

  8. Pregnancy wouldn’t be complete without a good share of non-baby angst thrown in. It prepares us for remembering that the world does not revolve around the child, that they learn best by watching how we navigate life’s tough challenges. Our first, I left my job. Second one, we lost virtually everything. Third, we had a major move. Fourth, I was working in an ER and exposed to every contamination possible known to human beings. What a blessing you’ve got this iron in the fire!! Change = opportunity. This will be good for Bebe :) And for y’all! Keep us posted, no pun intended!

    1. “It prepares us for remembering that the world does not revolve around the child, that they learn best by watching how we navigate life’s tough challenges.”

      That perfectly encapsulates what I want for Bebe! Thank you for your (always) kind and encouraging words!

  9. You just wouldn’t be a good mom if you didn’t worry about this stuff – and it sounds like you’ll be a great one. Good luck with this opportunity! Funny how the importance of family kind of creeps on you – really hope it works out.

    1. I know! I really have no idea how my parents managed to shield us from all the worries that they had to have had when they were bringing my brother and me up. Thanks for your encouraging words.

  10. Oh my gosh! That’s all so exciting! (Especially the food aspect. Don’t hate me, jobs are great things, but I am preggo too, as you know!) Good luck! Eeek!

    1. HECK YES! The way to anyone’s heart – whether they be male OR female – is through their stomach! When we were in Memphis for the holidays, my awesome mother-in-law Sidney took B and me to this restaurant that she had been raving about for some time. The very awesomeness of the pizza we had there was what ignited our desire to make it our home!

  11. I hope you get great news about that job.

    Memphis isn’t so bad. I only spent a year there, but by the time I left I knew that I would really miss the friendly people. Northerners are just not that darn sweet all the time.

    1. It’s true…it’s really not bad. I think everyone has an aversion to their hometown that they eventually grow out of if their hometown does have some actual merit. We’re just experiencing those growing pains.

      And I DO have good news about the job that I plan on posting on soon!

      Thanks for dropping by. The time signature says you posted this in the middle of the night so I am going to venture to guess that you’re up with your little one! She is beautiful!

  12. Didn’t read this until today (Jan. 15). How exciting! What happened? Is there an update? Should I have read all the comments before commenting myself?

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