I have a confession to make.
It’s probably not as interesting as the buildup I’m attempting.
I really wish I could tell you something truly wild, like I’m actually a man.
Now THAT would give this pregnancy blog a whole new provenance, wouldn’t you say?
It would also give B a lot of credibility as a photo editor and Mac Cosmetics a major boost in their sales.
But here’s my confession: on Friday I wrote about quotes – a fairly innocuous topic – when in actuality there is something much more important (to me) going on. Do you ever do that? Act like all is well and nice and boring while something else is eating at you? Muse on something minor in an attempt to make people (or yourself) believe that your life affords you the luxury of such philosophizing? I’m in the habit of wearing my heart
on my sleeve as a full-body jumpsuit and letting pretty much everyone within a 2,000 distance know when something’s up. It’s a wonder I didn’t start exploiting Twitter earlier.
On Friday I tried something a little different. For the sake of experimentation, I threw out a red herring and hoped I could trick myself into not worrying too much about what’s really going on. Well, it’s Monday now, I’m apparently still my tell-all self (ah, what no difference a weekend makes), so here goes:
I’m melting down with this whole move-or-don’t-move/ quit-job-or-don’t-quit-job thing. See, not really that interesting. Sorry to disappoint. But this is reality. If you really want me to, though, I’ll do a Google search of “pregnant woman gives birth to hot dog” and post on it. Don’t ever say I didn’t want to please you.
There is something about an uber-pregnant belly and a baby that kicks like a mule that makes you freak out a *wee* bit. It’s now time for B and me to make some definite decisions about our employment plans for later this year. We can’t put it off any longer, and it’s scary as all get-out to quit a job without having another one lined up, especially with a baby on the way. And she’s going to be an awesome baby and deserves everything good we could possibly give her, by the way.
Since B’s a teacher, he can apply for jobs now all freaking day, but even doing so, he won’t know until at least May if he secured any of them. Although my last job was as a teacher, I have a lot of experience in other sectors that I’m more suited for. Since B’s contract isn’t up until June, we couldn’t move until after then, which means that I couldn’t start my active job search and application process until April or May. NEWBORN TIME.
Now, here’s the part where I spin things positively. We DO have some money put away. We DO have family that are supportive and loving and who would help us if we needed it. We DO have Korea, a place where we could go and be gainfully employed if all else fails. Um, the glass is half-full?
However, I’m massively nervous (yet healthily so), and I was especially high-strung when I was writing my post on Friday. I think it was probably only 600 or so words, and yet it took me hours to get it down because I kept getting distracted.
But one of those distractions was a HAPPY one. Here’s what happened:
I was sitting there, typing, minding my own business and trying really hard to focus and bask in the false luxury of meditating on something far less important than the reality of my life. The phone rings. As is standard protocol, I answered it.
It was B’s aunt P. She was calling to tell me about a job. A good one.
Aunt P is a retired teacher who lives right outside of Memphis, and she had been contacted by an old colleague about an administrative position that has recently become available at the top boy’s prep school in Memphis. She told him that she personally wasn’t interested in it because the commute would be a little too much for her, but that her niece (ie, me) sounded like a great candidate for it (!!!!!!). According to her contact, there will apparently be some faculty openings in the fall as well (READ: a job for B.) This is at a school where people spend their entire careers and actually do good for themselves and for humanity and such.
I couldn’t help but read the news of these jobs as providential. Just the previous night, I had been weeping unconsolably over the fear that just when a baby was coming into our lives, we would be in complete instability due to a lack of employment. Granted, hormones and pregnancy make things seem a lot worse than they really are, but still, it’s an alarming situation to be in.
But Friday morning, the news of this job – a job that I am extremely qualified for – and an invitation to apply from a top-notch contact falls into my lap. This is the kind of opportunity that I’ve been praying for.
In the past I’ve said some harsh things about my hometown and B’s and my past aversion to living there. To that I now just say that things change a lot when a baby is thrown into the mix of life. We’re slowly learning that we need our family now and have needed them in the past more than we were willing to recognize. We need our old friends because we love them and they love us. We need stability. B and I are growing up and it’s just not worth it anymore (was it ever?) to place our angst on Memphis. No place is perfect. Especially this hole where we’re living now. But I’m not as forgiving of Fayetteville as I am of other places.
Plus Memphis has a Whole Foods and two – count ’em – TWO decent art museums. And really good pizza.
So I have written a cover letter. I have updated my resume. It has been FedEx’d and will be in the headmaster’s hands tomorrow morning.
I’m praying and meditating on this whole entire Job Thing a lot. Even if B or I don’t get these amazing jobs at this outstanding school in Memphis, we’re still getting the heck out of here. We’ve always worked hard to do everything within our power to up the chances of our creating a life worth living, and with Bebe coming, we are extra motivated. My prayers and thoughts have weight to them and I believe that everyone else’s do, too. So just by reading this, you’ve nudged the world a little.
I’ve been astounded by how supportive the blog community has been of all the things I say and the events in my life. I appreciate your love and support more than you all could possibly know, and you all have a very real presence in my life. Your encouraging words, thoughts, and prayers regarding this issue are not empty whatsoever.