Can I just gush for a sec? Thanks.
I’M 38 1/2 WEEKS PREGNANT! I could have my Bebe in my arms by next week’s end! Or – gasp! – this week’s end! Or – faint! – the end of today! I think back to when I found out about my pregnancy last July and I am flabbergasted that the time has flown/ crawled by. I’ve become convinced over the course of my pregnancy that when kids enter the picture, time becomes unhinged and doesn’t follow the rules that we’ve become accustomed to. It’s a grown-up version of the countdown to Christmas because it just crawls like mad but then at the end it flies.
A few thoughts:
- The Beebs has dropped it like it’s hot. Her new location in my tum tum is only a few inches south of where she’s been for the past months, but couple that with her tremendous size (doc said last week that she’s in the sevens now and will likely be in the high eights if she delivers on her due date) and I feel like a have a bowling ball in my uterus. Yeah, like Jessica Simpson. And while we’re on the subject,
- Jessica Simpson is annoying the crap out of me.
I don’t know whether or not this is A Thing, but when I got pregnant I became much more attuned to the celebrities whose pregnancies were more or less on the same timetables as mine. I get that she has a clothing line and does all sorts of highly productive and beneficial-to-society celebrity spots for acne medications and whatnot, but am I the only person who still remembers the whole “chicken of the sea” bit? And how she had the eternal wisdom to broadcast her celebrity marriage on MTV? This is the same person, people. I really don’t know who on earth her target audience could possibly be other than skiivy guys or why anyone cares that she’s knocked up (seriously, Snooki is at least controversial and therefore interesting; Jessica is just milquetoast at best), much less that she’s some stand-up person for being yet another pregnant celebrity to pose nude for the cover of a magazine (remember Demi? This is nothing novel or original). IMHO, she really should take a note from Hilary Duff. Yeah, she just had a baby too, but she’s not using it to garner attention.
- Our home is a meat locker, but my husband doesn’t complain. Come to think of it, he is a complete lamb about nearly everything these days. I really need to compose an entire post in praise of B and how all my suspicions of him being The Only One For Me have been confirmed daily throughout my pregnancy.
Yeah, so he’s really cold all the time now because I am really hot all the time now, but he doesn’t whine about it at all. He rubs my feet, asks me how I’m feeling, takes me to On the Border*, talks to Bebe, plays Scrabble with me 8,000 times every weekend, makes the bed without being asked to, and is a walking gold standard.
*Which, I gotta say, is better in Korea. Yeah, OTB is in Korea, and they’ve got their shiznit together there because everything is properly seasoned and massively fresher than it is in the US.
- Mobility is limited. I’m like a wireless signal at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. I’m not going anywhere. Walking around is difficult and rolling over in bed also takes a great deal of orchestration. Taking baths at the end of the day to ease back pain is almost not even worth it because getting in the tub also requires getting out of the tub, which is just a disaster waiting to happen. I am a land barge, the Big Kahuna, a whale. Feel free to insert your favorite nautically-themed metaphor here.
- And the bathroom runs are redonk. They weren’t kidding. I am truly amazed at the sheer plenitude of liquid making its way through my plumbing in an average 24 hours. See, the thing is, it’s not just that I have to pee all the time; it’s that I’m extraordinarily thirsty too.
- I’m feeling the love. It’s nice to have people checking in on me all the time to make sure I’m OK. Navigating pregnancy in this day and age is a strange little thing in that everyone has an opinion about what is too much or too little to tell. Heck, I have to agree with many of the blogs I read where pregnant women are railed against because they broadcast every minute detail of the expansion of their uterus on all manner of social media outlets. I agree with this stance, but at the same time I want to talk about my baby all the time too. I tend to defer to holding back. Yeah, I’m a cool kid; I’ve got so much more going on in my life than this kid (No, actually, I don’t). So when friends and family call or email daily to check on me and make sure I’m alright during these last few moments of childlessness, it gives me the warm and fuzzies. I’m allowed to gush and be me and be proud of experiencing this point in my life. I’m allowed to be cared for. ‘Tis good.
So, I attempted to write a funny post yesterday. Won’t lie; I actually think it’s really really funny. Unfortunately, it apparently had some trouble posting to some of y’all’s feeds. It may have posted, but the time signature was all bizarre. I dunno. Anyway, will you read it if you didn’t already? (And, of course, thanks to all those who did and posted comments.) Pweeze? *Kiss*